Inner Monologue

I tweeted Barack Obama yesterday, he was naming off EVERY SINGLE SENATOR AND REPRESENTATIVE and their twitters...

@BarackObama you spam, unfollow, thank god i'm moving to canada.

Seriously though, I can't wait to get out of this god forsaken country.

EDIT: wtf? Suddenly the queen is following me on twitter, spamming follows much?

My last day at work is this Tuesday.

The power will shut off on Thursday.

I put Artemis on hiatus. I've been unable to write on it, I keep getting caught up on the fact that I lost so much of it, and I can't seem to get back into the writing groove. So I decided to make a sequel to Ritzko...rather three sequels. I re-named the first book The Final Comission of Bastian Freeman, and the whole series will be called the Ritzko Project. Each of the books will be in the same style as the first, but from another perspective. The second from Johnson's, the third from Gale, and the fourth from Jenna.

In the first sitting I was able to push out 13 pages, and it was strange, but after writing that I felt almost like I might be able to do some work on Artemis. So I opened up the document and although I was unable to write anything, its comforting that the feeling is coming back.

With that being said, Emily is back in town this week. I admittedly am using the move as an excuse to not see her because I still do associate her with anything bad that happens to Artemis after she vandalized the very first copy beyond repair. I've gone over my history with writing with Kory on Livestream and Skype several times, and its interesting how I'm noticing how fucked up it's been after I put everything out there. How somehow I manage to continue with something I like after Emily tears it all apart, and my Mother patronizes me at the dinner table...

The trouble with this is that I won't be able to spend much time with Samm before I leave.

It was the last night with some of the girls tonight. There are certainly a few I will miss, but there are a lot of them that I won't miss at all, and I don't expect to be missed by many in return...I don't really know a nice way to say it, but I almost feel indifferent. I'll miss connecting with patients.

Plans for a movie night with Tammi and the kids tonight, I've practically been living there for the past few weeks on my day off. The Haven is no longer the Haven, Robbie and I are on the move.

Ugh, I agreed to a dinner with my family at 6 tonight, hopefully it doesn't drag on too long tonight...and hopefully I don't get too sick from seeing Emily. I know it isn't her fault. I just never forgave her for that, and now I almost blame her for everything bad that happens to my writing...

Was nothing short of a nightmare, and it looks like its going to bleed into this week.

My house was broken into on the 21st, my family was out of the state for that whole week. The computers were stolen and even though they decided to tear out the speakers, headphones, keyboards, and microphones, they decided that they should just take all the jump drives that had Artemis saved on them. I still have Ritzko, I suppose that's a blessing in disguise. Luckily I had emailed most of Artemis Book 1 to myself to read at work, so I will only have to rewrite the last chapter and the afterword.

I managed to get through work without breaking down in front of my coworkers, but to tell the truth I did have a patient that I found crying at 5 am and I ended up sitting with him and bawling my eyes out right next to him.

My boss has been amazing through everything, however I haven't told her yet that Robbie and I do plan on moving back to Michigan. We're waiting on his job to transfer and we've worked the budget to allow us to live on his salary alone for as long as we need to (while I'm unemployed). I have only told one of my coworkers what happened, and only because she had her house broken into last summer and I felt was the only one who really understood what I was going through. The others know nothing, and I don't plan on telling them anything until I leave, if then.

I stayed at Tammi's house one night, I'll probably do a lot of crashing there this coming week, what was a 6-day stretch of time off has become an 8-day stretch because guess what? To top off the week, Robbie's grandmother passed this morning around 4, and the worst part is that I don't have the strength to cry anymore, even when something really warrants tears. I know how close he was to her, when he said she was back in the hospital with her usual UTI CHF, I figured she would be right as rain and back home when we moved up there. So I work tonight and took vacation for the next two days. Hopefully I can pick up some time around the hospital in the stretch to save up money.

Penelope is still missing, and her sister is all out stressed and lonely now. She cries a lot, can't keep down food, I'm worried about the both of them. So we're taking Persephone up to Michigan with us for the funeral because we don't want to leave her alone for too long, she snuggled up to me for most of last night. I have faith still that we will find Penny, the biggest reason being that we have posters all over the damn place that offer a reward of $100 for her return, along with a picture of her. To be honest, she should be easy to spot, her fur is longer than any other stray, and her coloring is rather unique. It makes me feel better when I see people I've never met combing the area for her, calling out for her, $100 is a small price to pay for her if it gets her home. I know Robbie is lonely without her.

One of the only good things that happened this past week was when my sister came home from vacation and set right all of the mess between me and my parents, she then proceeded to buy me a new laptop, which I am typing this on right now. I'm in the midst of recovering my lost music, but it looks like I may have to wait a bit to get my Sailor Moon replaced, which kinda sucks because I could really use a good laugh right about now. Artemis Book 1 is in its own little folder on here, but I haven't put much work into finishing it yet. I'm still a little numb from the whole experience.

I guess I should start getting cleaned up for work? I have a few hours still, but there is packing to be done if I plan on leaving in the morning for Michigan for the funeral.

I originally wasn't going to post any more dreams, but they seem to all have some sort of cryptic meaning, and they've been coming VERY often. The first depicted here was one that I had immediately after my appointment, and after fighting fire demons with flamethrowers with Him, I decided to open up a little more than close myself off. The result: adventures.

I've decided to call him Morpheus, for lack of a better name. The Greek god of dreams, it seems fitting enough.

Fire Demons:

I can feel the heat from the blaze on my face, the surroundings glow red with the flames. It's a cathedral, in the process of being eaten alive by the flames of creatures that split the earth and came from inside.

Morpheus is there, standing next to me, and talking as if He knows the appointment I've just come from, "You were going to bring him to intimidate me, where is he?"

He's talking about Micheal, the woman at my appointment told me to ask the archangel for protection if I felt threatened. But I don't feel threatened now, "I asked him to come if you were dangerous."

Morpheus ignores what I say, and instead passes me a rather large item, "This place is past divine intervention. The walls will collapse and the roof will cave. However, we can stop the intrusion here."

"What is this?" I ask, but I already know what it is, its a flamethrower.

"We fight fire with fire."

Christmas Nightmares:

We're watching a movie, the Nightmare Before Christmas projected onto a bed sheet in the middle of a camping trip. Faceless beings wander about in the distance, but there's another with us that is not so faceless. A small child lays curled up with her head on a folded blanket.

I'm sitting with my knees up to my chin, "I've seen this movie more times than I can count."

"Intrinsic." Morpheus is watching the sheet with a small smile, "What do you think he's looking for."

"He's missing love, isn't he? Family and friendship. The things that Christmas embodies, but Halloween can't give."

"Personification of holidays." He shakes his head, "But Halloween can give it. If you give it time."

The little girl opens her eyes and looks at us curiously before rushing over to us to snuggle up and watch the movie. "He was watching you." I tell the little girl, "He was always watching you, because he loved you and wanted you safe."

Sea Treasure:

Its a abandoned beach, the rocks are carved in the shapes of early house frames. I'm walking through one, barefoot, somewhere I've lost my shoes. Or thrown them away, I hate getting sand in my shoes, especially when the sand feels so good on my feet.

Morpheus sits atop one of the rocks, on the apex of the roof of the building I'm climbing through, he's watching the shoreline.

I look over to the shoreline, the little girl is there, her face has become scaly and she pushes an eerie tune from her mouth to the sea.

The smaller creatures are scuttling out of the water, hurrying across the sand in an attempt to escape the sea. Countless crustaceans and bugs run across my feet and I look up to Morpheus.

"That little girl, she was watching Nightmare with us." I say.

He nods, "I was bringing her home."

"Home?"

I look back to the girl, the sea churns violently and an army of nāga, selkies, and mermaids push themselves up out of the water.

The spectacle is nothing short of beautiful, "She's a mermaid!" I say with a large smile.

"She's their god."

Snow Angels:

I've been sick, its been hot. This was today, I was having trouble falling asleep. Between going to throw up what little I've been able to eat, and trying to take a cold shower to cool off, sleep was being a little more than elusive.

I barely remember falling asleep. I don't know how I got into bed, but I must have.

I went to the window and pushed the curtain away. There were about two feet of snow blanketing the street and Morpheus is looking up at me from below.

I rush down the stairs and pull on my boots, but I don't bother with my jacket, and its a good thing because it's not too frigidly cold despite all the snow.

Morpheus is singing. Its the same tune he beckoned me with half a year ago and instead of drawing me in he uses it to pull more snow from the sky.

I'm having fun, running through the snow and kicking it up into the air and dancing. Morpheus walks behind me, a smile on his face and hands in his pockets.

The Haven:

The most recent. Morpheus shows me a castle made of stone, and from the outside it looks abandoned, but when he shows me the way in I find that it's become delightfully overrun with streams, vegetation, fire, and ice.

"Your Haven." He tells me.

I explore, finding and delighting in the wonders of this new place. And he's correct, this is truly my Haven, before I really understand what's going on I find myself walking up the walls, looking for the best place to survey this new world.

I find it in a strange tree house, suspended in vines and stone, I look over the edge. "This is the cathedral."

"Sanctuary."

It's started to scare me. The simple fact that all of my recent dreams start out with me in my pajamas. I feel like the gap between this and the past dream was a lot longer than it had been previously. There was no song, but it was a lot more...personal? I can barely describe it. I was able to ask a few questions, get angry with my answers, then.... I do plan on a more lengthy description later.

We've finally bought the deep fryer and I am enjoying all the foods that I stick in it. Curry buns are pretty awesome, but pizza rolls are the best.

I'm currently watching the new "karate" kid. It's the KARATE kid, so why the hell are they doing KUNG FU? Get your shit straight people. Also, any idiot that thinks Detroit actually looks like that IRL needs to go there and get shot. EL-OH-EL. Other than that, it's cute.

Not sure what I'm going to to do for thanksgiving yet, I got a bunch of time off for it, but Robbie is working most of the time. Hopefully we'll be able to go up north for Christmas, but this week it looks like me and the kitties. I do plan on making some of Robbie's favorite fried chicken and asparagus.

I ordered Robbie's Christmas gifts while he was sick in bed last weekend. I'm having fun torturing him with how far they've come so far in the shipping process. I'm planning on ordering some legos for him too soon if I can. But seeing as how I ended up spending roughly 170 on the present that is on its way, I'm not sure how that will go.