Home Again
Feb. 17th, 2011 04:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xhesikaThe trip up north was fun, but once again I’m left with the all too familiar “nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there”. It’s nice that it’s so wide open, the air does feel cleaner, and things are much simpler, but at the same time nothing changes. I noticed this even with the music on the radio, I swear the music hasn’t changed since I lived there two years ago. This isn’t entirely the radio station’s fault, they are the only rock/alternative station up there (not joking, there is only one radio station worth listening to), but at the same time I would have liked to hear at least one new song that came out in the past two years.
I’m glad Robbie did notice a few things though; he told me in the car ride home that going back was a good way to see how far we’ve come. How we came back from the city with all these stories to tell and when we ask “how have you been” the answer was always “eh, the same”. I suppose that sort of setting can be nice, but I feel like it also encourages the younger generation living up there to not be as ambitious as someone in the city. And not all the kids, there are some stronger ones, but so many just fall into stereotypes and are okay with that. Like they aren’t willing to push away and make their own.
Something funny happened on the way home, from Michigan we take 23S to the 475 loop around Toledo to 75S, once on 75S there is an exit for 75N/23S, but we want to stay on 75S for about 40 mi longer. I guess Robbie wasn’t paying attention because we got right back on 75N on accident and I didn’t notice until we had passed the mosque and the Perrysburg water tower and were at my Grandparent’s exit. We just happened to get off at said exit to turn around and ended up visiting them.
It was a nice visit, it was nice to see them again, but after the visit, and near the end I felt like I would burst into tears. I don’t really know why, I mean I have a few ideas, but as to why I felt so depressed afterward was incredibly novel for me. Thinking about it makes me feel like crap now, growing up I remember them being so much stronger, but my Grandpa has fallen I don’t know how many times in the past year, and his short term memory hasn’t been the same since he hit his head and had to be hospitalized for a brain hemorrhage. They talked about going to a retirement home, but my Grandma is very skeptical, and with all of her heart history it almost seems like it would be beneficial for her to continue to live at the house to get her exercise with the stairs (the two of them just need to learn to take things slower). Personally I think they just need someone with a home health service to come visit them.
Then they asked if I would be coming to vacation this year. Well, nice to know I would be welcome with them.
I think my problem is that I see elderly die almost every time I go to work. One of the major reasons I need to get off that floor is my own mental stability. I get too attached and I feel crushed inside when another passes. I’ll pray to any and every god that they have the luck of passing peacefully at home, I don’t think I could stand seeing them in a hospital bed, and I wouldn’t want their last memories of the family to be like that.
I think I might just snuggle up on the couch with the cats tonight and watch some opera.
I’m glad Robbie did notice a few things though; he told me in the car ride home that going back was a good way to see how far we’ve come. How we came back from the city with all these stories to tell and when we ask “how have you been” the answer was always “eh, the same”. I suppose that sort of setting can be nice, but I feel like it also encourages the younger generation living up there to not be as ambitious as someone in the city. And not all the kids, there are some stronger ones, but so many just fall into stereotypes and are okay with that. Like they aren’t willing to push away and make their own.
Something funny happened on the way home, from Michigan we take 23S to the 475 loop around Toledo to 75S, once on 75S there is an exit for 75N/23S, but we want to stay on 75S for about 40 mi longer. I guess Robbie wasn’t paying attention because we got right back on 75N on accident and I didn’t notice until we had passed the mosque and the Perrysburg water tower and were at my Grandparent’s exit. We just happened to get off at said exit to turn around and ended up visiting them.
It was a nice visit, it was nice to see them again, but after the visit, and near the end I felt like I would burst into tears. I don’t really know why, I mean I have a few ideas, but as to why I felt so depressed afterward was incredibly novel for me. Thinking about it makes me feel like crap now, growing up I remember them being so much stronger, but my Grandpa has fallen I don’t know how many times in the past year, and his short term memory hasn’t been the same since he hit his head and had to be hospitalized for a brain hemorrhage. They talked about going to a retirement home, but my Grandma is very skeptical, and with all of her heart history it almost seems like it would be beneficial for her to continue to live at the house to get her exercise with the stairs (the two of them just need to learn to take things slower). Personally I think they just need someone with a home health service to come visit them.
Then they asked if I would be coming to vacation this year. Well, nice to know I would be welcome with them.
I think my problem is that I see elderly die almost every time I go to work. One of the major reasons I need to get off that floor is my own mental stability. I get too attached and I feel crushed inside when another passes. I’ll pray to any and every god that they have the luck of passing peacefully at home, I don’t think I could stand seeing them in a hospital bed, and I wouldn’t want their last memories of the family to be like that.
I think I might just snuggle up on the couch with the cats tonight and watch some opera.