Inner Monologue

Probably one of the most shallow things I've ever stated, but I feel less depressed feeling attractive.

So I'm at Tammi's apartment right now, she's at work and I'm working on Jenna (loving it too by the way, omg writing feels so good), I like the apartment even more now that I'm here. When I'm in Waterford I try to dress for the day despite staying in the house, but it's never anything that I would go out of the house in. Today and yesterday I was presentable, like I used to be, and I feel attractive, and it actually makes me feel a little better about myself. Not such a mess. The thing is just that I can't justify getting myself put together like this if I'm not going to see anyone I know, or going to be cooped up in the house all day, and getting posh'ed up when I am just doing that is all the more depressing.

Just need to move, that's what.

There is a hospital not far from the apartments, and I am seriously thinking of going for that. George has guarenteed me a job, but to be honest I am so tired of making so much less than I was at the hospital, I am willing to trade. Better hours, better pay, and more time to write, like last time. It would feel good to get my life back on track.

I saw Samm yesterday, and I was all sorts of proud of myself for not crying.

I called Mr. Black to talk to him yesterday when we were in the car on our way down here, I did start tearing up a bit while talking to him, I like how honest I can be with him, and I really like how he treats me like more of a daughter than my own parents do. I'd love to be a parent like him someday.

After visiting the hospital tonight I've realized a few things about the spot I'm at right now.

I'm in a position where I have been able to do the thing I love and be supported by someone I love. I may go nuts and bored and want a job every now and again, but in the end I'm very happy with being able to write like I love to.

So we're in C-Bus for the weekend, Robbie is leaving tomorrow to go further south for a few days, I meanwhile am staying in the city to visit with family and friends. When we return to Waterford we have the luxury of having the house all to ourselves. We did shopping before leaving, so I am extra interested in all the delicious things that I am going to cook.

Also, 10k into my NaNo project, Gale, and suddenly the story is deviating into much more passionate territory than I had originally planned. I guess I'll never be able to completely control my characters.

Also also, am I the only one who truly believes that FB needs to come down? I know ANON rumors are all over, but it would be nice to show the larger corporations and bigwigs that people in general can still twist the screws.

My last day at work is this Tuesday.

The power will shut off on Thursday.

I put Artemis on hiatus. I've been unable to write on it, I keep getting caught up on the fact that I lost so much of it, and I can't seem to get back into the writing groove. So I decided to make a sequel to Ritzko...rather three sequels. I re-named the first book The Final Comission of Bastian Freeman, and the whole series will be called the Ritzko Project. Each of the books will be in the same style as the first, but from another perspective. The second from Johnson's, the third from Gale, and the fourth from Jenna.

In the first sitting I was able to push out 13 pages, and it was strange, but after writing that I felt almost like I might be able to do some work on Artemis. So I opened up the document and although I was unable to write anything, its comforting that the feeling is coming back.

With that being said, Emily is back in town this week. I admittedly am using the move as an excuse to not see her because I still do associate her with anything bad that happens to Artemis after she vandalized the very first copy beyond repair. I've gone over my history with writing with Kory on Livestream and Skype several times, and its interesting how I'm noticing how fucked up it's been after I put everything out there. How somehow I manage to continue with something I like after Emily tears it all apart, and my Mother patronizes me at the dinner table...

The trouble with this is that I won't be able to spend much time with Samm before I leave.

It was the last night with some of the girls tonight. There are certainly a few I will miss, but there are a lot of them that I won't miss at all, and I don't expect to be missed by many in return...I don't really know a nice way to say it, but I almost feel indifferent. I'll miss connecting with patients.

Plans for a movie night with Tammi and the kids tonight, I've practically been living there for the past few weeks on my day off. The Haven is no longer the Haven, Robbie and I are on the move.

Ugh, I agreed to a dinner with my family at 6 tonight, hopefully it doesn't drag on too long tonight...and hopefully I don't get too sick from seeing Emily. I know it isn't her fault. I just never forgave her for that, and now I almost blame her for everything bad that happens to my writing...

Immediately following my mood swing this morning, I cut my hair.

Well just the front, the back still comes to below my waist, but I did trim the ends thoroughly.

So I've got some posh-katy-perry-ish thing going on which I'm pulling out my headband collection for, and I went to Charming Charlie and nearly died. That place is HEAVEN! SO gorgeous and shiny! I picked up a few headbands from there.

I need to open up a little, I find myself too timid most of the time, I need to just throw myself out there.

I also probably need to see a therapist. With all the dreams and everything going on right now as far as my frustration with work I think a checkup on my mental health wouldn't hurt. ESPECIALLY with the dreams. Morpheus is not letting up.

The hospital Wendy's got a new GM.

He's cracking down and cleaning house.

I now sit and watch the show.

I fucking love this chapter.

The call was ended by Rei and Kamen quickly stuffed the holodex back into his pocket. He glanced around for only a few seconds before he caught sight of a black mechafly with its owner already fled from the scene.

How to ride a mechafly was something that all who entered the military learned early on, and luckily for Kamen and Artemis it wasn’t something that one forgot how to do. Kamen held his hand out to the sentient machine, waiting for its bulbous eyes to flicker alive. The mechafly bowed its head slightly to signal its approval to Kamen, and Kamen quickly pulled Artemis onto the machine with him.

Artemis seemed to snap out of her shock and grasped onto Kamen’s jacket, turning her head to look watch the road ahead as Kamen pulled the mechafly into the air and began creating his own road, “Are you sure you can drive this thing?”

A wry smile made its way across Kamen’s face, “Nope.”

Artemis made an awkward attempt to position herself better, but found herself caught on Kamen’s lap with arms stuck around his neck. She let out a small gasp with the first dip and acceleration. “I don’t think this is meant for passengers!”

“It isn’t!” Kamen’s voice was lost on the air, but his smile widened and he wrapped a hand around her waist to pull her closer.

It seems like it takes forever for Kamen and Artemis to get back to the cutesy stuff after the wedding, but I love how it seems to burst through like this with action-y scenes and fire and explosions (the stuff leading up to this).

Just a taste of what I've been working on, I love the post-wedding adventures.

( Escaping Q'ael Dan'il )

I've gotten dresses there before, I know the size I'm supposed to fit there since their sizes run small, but that didn't stop me from hearing a small rip when I tried to pull it over my chest.

I haven't even been eating the sesame seeds.

One of these days I need to record some of the conversations Kyle and I have while editing. I feel like I haven't laughed so hard in ages.

I feel like a chinese.

I have a shoe addiction. A bad one at that. I just ordered a couple new pairs, the pair I couldn't find at Wet Seal the other day and another that I wanted but was unable to find and ended up settling with another pair. I don't regret it at all now though, I officially have a pair of Haruka Tenou's (Sailor Uranus) boots in black! I didn't even realize until I got them home. They would be the only pair of shoes I've gotten from that store that seems to need an insole. Most of the time their pumps are VERY comfy, my red pair are awesome to spend the day in.

( Hombre del Saco )

I love Garbage. Shirley Manson's voice is pure sex, but that guitar? Wow. Want moar.

Because I seriously DO need to see the idiots behind me talking about the "true colors" of someone sparkling. Whatever happened to the sexy sort of evil from all good movies? The tortured villain with a juicy troubled past? Like Carousel, the Fantasticks, and Labyrinth? I'm a Der Todd fan myself, who doesn't like death personified as a sexy young man in a military jacket, constantly vying for affection? El Gallo was pretty epic though.

I have discovered Muslim comics, which are actually really good. I still like the one I found about Jesus and Buddha as roommates better, but these are amusing enough.

Today we took the tires to be rotated, as it turns out the people who put the tires on our car over-torqued the bolts and stripped the threading and destroyed three of them. The people at Midas were pretty appalled at the incident, luckily we had the receipt for the tires in the glove box of the car and went over there immediatly. They were very understanding and wasted no time in ordering the parts and fixing the wheels free of charge. Robbie and I took ourselves over to see Mr. Black, not before stopping at the Aldi to grab a bottle of vino and a jug of juice. I had two glasses before noon. I was ready to tear someone a new asshole for a little there. Then I had bacon and everything was cool.

Et q'mu gyyj xezy.
It was good vino.

I can write Vks, I just have an awful time speaking it, all the words with invisible vowels mess me up. Then there's the sentence structure, which only Yoda would really understand. I really should learn more of it though. I keep meaning to look up a rosetta stone copy for somali, I think that might be one of the more useful languages to have under my belt.

Tomorrow is date night! I haven't been on an actual date with Robbie in ages, I got two tickets for AMC as a gift so it looks like Vampires Suck is on the agenda.

Tonight it's a tie between Elizabeth (Takarazuka Moon Troupe), A Very Potter Musical, and Devdas.