Inner Monologue

I'm about to give Persephone a bath.

She doesn't know whats coming.

I have been one lately. Most prominently with the whole issue of the kids. Seems like the calm I try so hard to keep is just getting shaken up.

Yesterday was a [very] belated birthday celebration-y thingy for Robbie, and we ended up going over to see the kids. I got to show Andrew how much progress I made in Minecraft (I got even farther after.) and got to say hi to Ryan before we left.

My parents and Samm come tomorrow. I can't cry in front of them, just can't do it. Of course when planning things to do for the day I couldn't help but freeze a little. There really isn't anything out here. Robbie and I have seriously gone out to Summerset Mall to play on the moving sidewalks before.

Idk, we'll just play it by ear.

Persephone is allergic to flea collars and waterless bath.... Her neck is healing from the reaction, I'm keeping her pretty pink collar off for a little so that she can heal up properly, but I'll probably put it back on her for tomorrow.

I'm coming to terms with the idea that Robbie's dad doesn't mean to be an ass, he's just too doped up to know better. Of course the surgery that could save his life he won't get, and my prediction of him being 100% wheelchair bound by next summer is looking like I should have bet money on it, and a large amount. At this point anything he says or does should be immediatly discarded. Still, it was weird for Robbie to say something in the car with a grimace and me justify it. Used to be the other way around.

I think I may waste the night watching remastered Utena.

It was the last dream I had with him in it that I am certain it was him:

It was an obstacle course of sorts, we were rushing through a sort of underground tunnel with a handful of wooden stakes that we were pushing into holes in the ground. almost like a mine shaft really. we come across a wild pig of sorts, and his first argument is that it's dangerous and needs to be killed, but i want it as a pet, so he allows me to take it in, and we finish the race in 2nd or 3rd place. i don't remember which.

Then, one I had before the break in:

I feel asleep very briefly, and I was being attacked by a monster. a zombie looking thing was trying to eat me, and Morpheus was rushing over and screaming for me to wake up, trying to pry her off of me.

He looked just like Van Dean. I woke up and after that I didn't have a dream with him in it. I almost worry that he got hurt? They're only dreams though, but I still have to wonder. He didn't show up for any of my nightmares in the past week, he might have been there for all i know, he's taken other forms before, and now that I think about it I really do think he was there, just choosing not to make himself known.

The most recent:

A man covered in a burlap robe has two brown paper bags, and is in my back yard. He beckons me over and I look into one of the bags and there's penny! I pick her up out of it in a fit of smiles and laughs and snuggle her close.

I think that was Morpheus. I haven't dreamt since.

The house was robbed and they took my computer and flash drive.

I came home ALONE to everything gone and turned up-side-down. I have the first 50 chapters on my e-mail, but unless by some miracle we find they tossed a drive somewhere...I will either give up on Artemis or start the last 25 chapters from scratch. I don't even know right now.

To top it off one of the cats got out, she's still missing, and she's afraid of everything.

I'm at my parent's right now, they're away on a family vacation, and when I called them to ask them for help, I was met with no support at all. After talking with Robbie we decided that the best thing to do would be to save up enough to get us back to Michigan with his family. They immediately offered us a place to stay while we got back to our feet. Robbie is working on getting his job transferred, I would be starting from scratch with my school loans to pay...of course he keeps telling me that he'll support me for as long as he has to, even if I never go back to work.

All the sweet things make me cry even more.

At least I get internet on my phone, so my email is raintree.willow@gmail.com, my phone number is 614-580-4551. Text, call, email. It makes me even sadder that most of the people that I've been there for here aren't there for me. I'm lucky to have friends who live far away that I email, who listen to me, but I don't think I'll ever stop crying.

I feel like I'm living that moment of coming home over and over again.

Don't comment on here, I won't be checking my LJ for a LONG while.

“Aren’t you the guy who was pointing a gun at me yesterday?”

“Thanks for reminding me how mean you were to me. I really hope you aren’t like that to all of your guests, you won’t have many friends for very much longer.”

Robbie brought an air conditioner back from Michigan when he went to see his parents, I was glad he was able to get up there to visit, he's been wanting to see how his grandmother was doing. We got it set up in the office because we were worried about the computers overheating, now the cats spend all their time in here and I'm thinking they like it more than we do. I closed off the windows in the rest of the upstairs and set up the fans to create one cold airflow.

I don't go back to work until Thursday, so I have some time to get some writing done, but I'm more worried about getting Chapter 21 fixed up before I get it posted, the time doesn't flow as well as I want it to...I think. It could just be another one of those chapters that I've read over so many times that the problem gets glossed over by my disinterest. Kyle's been living with his mother for the last few weeks and I haven't seen him much because of it. I was waiting for a day or two that I could have him over to take a look at a few parts, but I haven't had much time off. I might give him a call today to see about doing something tomorrow.

I wonder if he would be opposed to taking a copy and a few red pens to a tea house instead of sitting around at home.

I had a slightly disturbing dream last night. Rather yesterday. I was napping before going in to work last night and the dream time seemed considerably longer than what time actually passed. Which for me, my dreams usually seem to be brief and scattered. I haven't had one like this in at least two years. It was the usual for the way it used to be, giant maze-building of some sort and me trying to find someone.

But it was the same person that used to appear in my dreams, I've never come in to contact with this person in reality, and to be quite honest he is who I based the character Caspius Van Dean on. In this instance it was a building that was nearly identical to the new COSI, except there were no exhibits and large black curtains were drawn over the doorways of where the exhibits would have been to block off construction.

There are 4 floors to the building itself, but without a key-card you cannot reach the 4th (in reality), it was my task to reach the top without a key-card. So I was running all over the place trying to find a fire-escape to the top, or to find a ladder on the outside. I was feeling downhearted when an old lady comes out of nowhere (its ALWAYS an old lady or crone in these types of things, right?) and says, "In all of this did you ever consider the scaffolding of the construction?"

So I go behind one of the black curtains, and first I'm worried about being stopped by one of the workers, but they don't even bother with me they're too busy with welding random stuff. And for even more reassurance I get this image of the one I'm looking for giving the order to not "hinder" my arrival. So my trek becomes a maze of scaffolding and catwalks until I finally find the right ladder and push through a door on the ceiling.

Above its all white and he's there waiting for me. But he used to be menacing, he wasn't this time. He still had his smirk, and was as presumptuous as ever, but it wasn't the same thing that turned every dream into a nightmare before. I don't remember what was said, but I woke up just as I was about to start asking questions.

Which sucked, because I can never get back to that spot on my own. I used to be really good at controlling where I went in my dreams, but I could never get back to him in them. Still can't. And I would like to, just to ask some questions, see what he says.

ANY-who, I wonder if there's any meaning to it. Maybe that I shouldn't eat so many cookies before I go to sleep...

...On second thought *eyes cookies*...

Because I apparently have found favor with the upper circle.

We got the kitties fixed, they have their little cones on now because they got the dissolving stitches, the incisions are looking pretty clean though, we just got them done on Friday; they went in at 7 and came home all sorts of drugged up at 3. I have no idea what kinds of drugs they were on but it was hilarious.

While they were gone I was doing some hardcore cleaning, in the process the shower curtain fell down. I had originally thought that it was a tension rod, however with the amount of drywall that came down with it made me a little leery. The curtain was held in place by a small plastic peg that was on only one side of the curtain and pushed straight into the drywall. The hole isn't too big, but its big enough for me to not want to mess too much with.

But the thing is that there is no 2x4 behind the peg, and whoever put the rod up had to know this because of the type of peg that was used. So there's a hole in my bathroom wall. I called the landlord and let him know, however he and his wife keep insisting that there was a 2x4 behind it, I am just waiting for them to come over and look in that hole, look at the peg and then see who lied to who about it. Whoever even chose that plastic peg for the job knew there was no 2x4.

As if that wasn't enough, the night after I reported the hole the water heater died. All my gas bills are paid up through the next month, and the flame in the furnace is on, so I know it isn't me. We believe the igniter on the furnace has gone bad, however the landlord was unable to get out here and probably won't make it out here until tomorrow.

Other than that things are peachy, my friend Alice called me earlier, we kissed paintings when we were in high school together, she was at the party the other weekend and we exchanged numbers to hang out sometime. The party was pretty fun, it was for my friend Drake who has now left the country to go to Germany for the Air Force I believe. Nice vodka, delicious cookies, and a bunch of really cool friends I hadn't seen in a while.

I did get a small laugh out of the fact that my ex was there, and an even bigger laugh that he must have recognized my Robbie because he got up the instant Robbie sat a few chairs away. Of course he never had the balls to say anything, then again I have way too much fuel if he did.

I am tickled pink at Robbie, I noticed the other day (as he was carrying the couch over his head) that he's gotten in very nice shape. He has a really sexy athletic build to begin with, but apparently in the hour that he waits from when he gets home to when he has to pick me up, he does nothing but lift weights, sit ups, crunches, and push ups. I had to have him show me his bicep before he did anything else, I can't believe how fast he was able to get back into shape. He said something before about being able to carry an absurd amount of boxes at work, but I didn't really think about it, he was really always stronger than average.

Anywho, we are going to grab some nummies. I should update this more often, hopefully my internets do not die so soon again.