Inner Monologue

She sighs, “Jenna, never emotionally invest yourself in a man, it always ends up messy.”
I snort, “I know.”
She looks at me incredulously.
I sigh, “I let Royce kiss me.”
Ritz moans, “Oh, Jenna! Not a druggie!”
“It was gross. Then I told him it was gross. Now I don’t think we’re on speaking terms.”
She pats me on the back and leans her head back down on my shoulder. “He’ll get over it, or maybe he was high and won’t remember.”
She has such high expectations of Royce….

I have such fun ideas about Gale and Ritz as parents. I think someday I might do little shorts...for personal pleasure. Those along with that WWII thing. I am a fan of Hellsing and what they did with Vampires/Zombies/and Nazis...and so tastefully too....

Something else I'm noticing: after writing two sequels to Bastian and working on the fourth the ending of Bastian is now incredibly tragic to me. I liked it better when it just made the reader angry at the characters, but this is actually really interesting how its filling out.

Also, looks like Jenna is going to be DOUBLE what the other books are at least. Eighth chapter and I'm already 20k words in...and Jenna isn't even on track to go where she needs to be for the book to be HALF over. I am enjoying the writing style, Bastian's cynicism with Gale's observation and vocabulary. Every description is chilling and wonderful.

Will probably find the most chilling thing to post in chapter eight before the night is out. I posted a little on Twitter and got a reply from an Arachnophobe friend that the effect was reached.

Ya know, I never thought I would like writing horror as much as I do.

Written two years ago, verbatim. This little snippet of dialogue was never changed and has been consistent, Jenna talking about Ms. Helen:

Jenna crossed her arms over her chest, “Because she has nothing better to do, she sucked her life out of her family and they all died.”

WTF.

I need to step away from the computer for a few minutes I think.

Probably one of the most shallow things I've ever stated, but I feel less depressed feeling attractive.

So I'm at Tammi's apartment right now, she's at work and I'm working on Jenna (loving it too by the way, omg writing feels so good), I like the apartment even more now that I'm here. When I'm in Waterford I try to dress for the day despite staying in the house, but it's never anything that I would go out of the house in. Today and yesterday I was presentable, like I used to be, and I feel attractive, and it actually makes me feel a little better about myself. Not such a mess. The thing is just that I can't justify getting myself put together like this if I'm not going to see anyone I know, or going to be cooped up in the house all day, and getting posh'ed up when I am just doing that is all the more depressing.

Just need to move, that's what.

There is a hospital not far from the apartments, and I am seriously thinking of going for that. George has guarenteed me a job, but to be honest I am so tired of making so much less than I was at the hospital, I am willing to trade. Better hours, better pay, and more time to write, like last time. It would feel good to get my life back on track.

I saw Samm yesterday, and I was all sorts of proud of myself for not crying.

I called Mr. Black to talk to him yesterday when we were in the car on our way down here, I did start tearing up a bit while talking to him, I like how honest I can be with him, and I really like how he treats me like more of a daughter than my own parents do. I'd love to be a parent like him someday.

I shake my head quickly, I got un-interested in medicine really quick when I got a hold of Gale’s copy of Grey’s Anatomy and was able to translate one word he had scribbled in Romanian next to a heart diagram: zeamă, juice. More specifically, meat juice.


[2:36:30 PM] Kat Lavisk: ...
[2:36:33 PM] Kat Lavisk: LOL.
[2:36:38 PM] Kat Lavisk: oh... god.
[2:36:38 PM] Jessica Chambers: why would you look at a vampires copy of grey's anatomy?
[2:36:42 PM] Jessica Chambers: just ASKING for trouble
[2:36:47 PM] Jessica Chambers: why why why
[2:36:57 PM] Kat Lavisk: cause it's Jenna
[2:37:10 PM] Jessica Chambers: "oh awesome grey's anatomy, i love these pics"
[2:37:14 PM] Jessica Chambers: yup gale does too
[2:37:53 PM] Kat Lavisk: ...
[2:38:02 PM] Kat Lavisk: that sounds... uh.
[2:38:11 PM] Jessica Chambers: so wrong
[2:38:13 PM] Kat Lavisk: like grey's anatomy is a vampire's playboy.
[2:38:20 PM] Jessica Chambers: LOLOLOLOLOLOL
[2:38:48 PM] Jessica Chambers: dying atm

And I was eating, I forgot what it was like to get hungry. The days blended together for a while there with work, I was only really eating twice a day. I had four days off and I was eating like crazy...like I used to apparently.

Appointment with the surgeon for Robbie today, we'll see how that goes.

Bastian progress is going, slowly but surely. I don't know if we'll make the deadline for the penguin books competition, and I didn't even plan on saying anything about it here, but what the hell. I haven't really said anything about it to anyone. I just don't usually enter writing contests.... I don't even really know when they're going on. I guess I should try for that more this year.

So back to the whole time off from work bit, I only work one day next week. The paycheck will be suffering, but I'm determined to throw myself into my writing. Its all I have left really. I guess I've got nothing left to lose, all of my practical plans fell through, all I have left are the dreams. I want to take a trip to clear my head, get to a city. Not c-bus, somewhere new where I could just wander and clear my head looking at new things.

Speaking of dreams. I had one around Christmas. No Morpheus. I was wrapped up in turquoise ribbon on the beach gasping for air. I pulled myself out of bed and grabbed my lappy quick to write down the words and descriptions, and to be quite honest that is what I have down for one of my future projects. The whole mermaid returning to the sea. It's going to hit close to home, its going to be a recount of the dreams with him where we were transporting the mermaid.

I was thinking about the dreams, and looking back, and I think...I think Morpheus might have been an angel and I think he was trying to tell me something, or warn me. Or maybe I've cracked at last. So when I had the dream about the ribbon I was pretty freaked out. It was the first dream in a long while, and if it is in the least bit prophetic like the last...I'm in trouble.

I talked to Kyle yesterday, we ended up patching things up slightly. I doubt there will be any more trouble between us. Not for the usual reasons, but because I don't think I'll ever see him to be honest. There will be no opportunity.

I feel overwhelmed for some reason, depressed, but when I take a moment to myself I can't seem to get the thoughts straight.

Might as well use it.

Finishing up a few things on Gale before I go to tackle the two other books in the series. I've come to the conclusion that Jenna, the next and last book, will be the only one in the series that is properly plotted out, chapter by chapter. I'm still pretty amazed that these three books did so well with no planning at all. Literally I had a basic idea, sat down, and just started typing. Of course the document of notes is pretty impressive now.

I think the best preparation for me is simply being able to bounce my ideas off of my editor, and to top it off editing one of the books at the same time allows me to bounce even more ideas off of her, but more complex ideas.

The editing for Bastian is coming along okay so far, we've come to the conclusion that we'll be going over the books at least three times not including how much I go through before sending it to her. Basically I want this to be immaculate by the time it goes to print. I can't afford to have too many mistakes or continuity issues on my debut, it just looks bad on me as a writer. In the meantime, I'm learning all sorts of particulars about the English language, random stuffs too like dove v. dived (both are correct but dived irks me for some reason). I'm feeling a little strange about the idea that I have a particular writing style, I don't know if I'm proud of it or what, but its something that will be interesting to see in the future.

And so, here's the excerpt that makes my editor "aww" every time. God, I'd be lying if I said I didn't like that scene in the rain, Gale's three word line is the best.

( Kat's Favorite )

Gale excerpts below, trigger warnings: blood, gore, vivisection, abuse, necromancy, I'm going to go ahead and say sexual content as well since some of the descriptions get pretty racy.

The relationship between Gale and Ritz has a nice start, but it quickly becomes...unhealthy, I'm just waiting to be ridiculed for writing this book.

To make it worse my mind has been in very dark places during the entire month of November because of this, I am seriously reconsidering my December endeavor.

( Here we go... )

Not for the whole Delilah bit, but for the foxes. I was looking over numerology for Gale and was looking over the number three-hundred. So I see something about foxes and decide to pull out my bible and take a look...

So he comes home from god knows where and his father-in-law is like, "I thought you hated your wife, so i let her shack up with the best man at from your wedding!"

And Samson is like, "WTF M8?"

And his father-in-law is like, "It's okay! Her younger sister is prettier anyways, you can shack up with her!"

And Samson is like, "And you guys wonder why I'm always nerd-raged?"

And then he goes off and CATCHES 300 FOXES WITH HIS BARE HANDS. Individually, all of them lured, took him hours, didn't hurt not-a-one...that is until he TIES TORCHES TO THEIR TAILS AND LIGHTS THEM ON FIRE THEN SENDS THEM INTO THE WHEAT FIELDS.

Then when they come to arrest Samson he's like, "WTF M8, WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?"

And he kills a thousand men with a jawbone that he tears from a donkey that just happens to be lying around, my version of the bible (NKJV) doesn't say if this animal was alive or dead, but w/e, I doubt Samson cared either way.

I don't know if I would call him bad-ass or crazy as hell, but one thing is for sure, I bet PETA was in on arresting him and his downfall.

After visiting the hospital tonight I've realized a few things about the spot I'm at right now.

I'm in a position where I have been able to do the thing I love and be supported by someone I love. I may go nuts and bored and want a job every now and again, but in the end I'm very happy with being able to write like I love to.

So we're in C-Bus for the weekend, Robbie is leaving tomorrow to go further south for a few days, I meanwhile am staying in the city to visit with family and friends. When we return to Waterford we have the luxury of having the house all to ourselves. We did shopping before leaving, so I am extra interested in all the delicious things that I am going to cook.

Also, 10k into my NaNo project, Gale, and suddenly the story is deviating into much more passionate territory than I had originally planned. I guess I'll never be able to completely control my characters.

Also also, am I the only one who truly believes that FB needs to come down? I know ANON rumors are all over, but it would be nice to show the larger corporations and bigwigs that people in general can still twist the screws.

Gale wasn’t interested in leaving the house before Keane and the police arrived, he instead pulled up a chair and sat to the right of Mr. Crawley’s corpse, cigarette in hand, cat in his lap, and sniffing the air curiously every so often. I didn’t stick around to ask him what details his nose was picking up, while he wasn’t bothered with the smell of rotting flesh, I had to rush out of the house for fresh air and the first cigarette in half a month.

Its bad enough scouring the internet for “Necromancy 101”, but its worse when all these sites are citing resources that are in my own library.

I’m going to have to tone down some of the details in the chapters I’m working on, either that or put trigger warnings on them.

Even worse, I’ve been snacking the whole time I’ve been writing.