Nov. 4th, 2011 09:15 pm
xhesika: (cooking gaga)
After visiting the hospital tonight I've realized a few things about the spot I'm at right now.

I'm in a position where I have been able to do the thing I love and be supported by someone I love. I may go nuts and bored and want a job every now and again, but in the end I'm very happy with being able to write like I love to.

So we're in C-Bus for the weekend, Robbie is leaving tomorrow to go further south for a few days, I meanwhile am staying in the city to visit with family and friends. When we return to Waterford we have the luxury of having the house all to ourselves. We did shopping before leaving, so I am extra interested in all the delicious things that I am going to cook.

Also, 10k into my NaNo project, Gale, and suddenly the story is deviating into much more passionate territory than I had originally planned. I guess I'll never be able to completely control my characters.

Also also, am I the only one who truly believes that FB needs to come down? I know ANON rumors are all over, but it would be nice to show the larger corporations and bigwigs that people in general can still twist the screws.
xhesika: (tealfashion)
My last day at work is this Tuesday.

The power will shut off on Thursday.

I put Artemis on hiatus. I've been unable to write on it, I keep getting caught up on the fact that I lost so much of it, and I can't seem to get back into the writing groove. So I decided to make a sequel to Ritzko...rather three sequels. I re-named the first book The Final Comission of Bastian Freeman, and the whole series will be called the Ritzko Project. Each of the books will be in the same style as the first, but from another perspective. The second from Johnson's, the third from Gale, and the fourth from Jenna.

In the first sitting I was able to push out 13 pages, and it was strange, but after writing that I felt almost like I might be able to do some work on Artemis. So I opened up the document and although I was unable to write anything, its comforting that the feeling is coming back.

With that being said, Emily is back in town this week. I admittedly am using the move as an excuse to not see her because I still do associate her with anything bad that happens to Artemis after she vandalized the very first copy beyond repair. I've gone over my history with writing with Kory on Livestream and Skype several times, and its interesting how I'm noticing how fucked up it's been after I put everything out there. How somehow I manage to continue with something I like after Emily tears it all apart, and my Mother patronizes me at the dinner table...

The trouble with this is that I won't be able to spend much time with Samm before I leave.

It was the last night with some of the girls tonight. There are certainly a few I will miss, but there are a lot of them that I won't miss at all, and I don't expect to be missed by many in return...I don't really know a nice way to say it, but I almost feel indifferent. I'll miss connecting with patients.

Plans for a movie night with Tammi and the kids tonight, I've practically been living there for the past few weeks on my day off. The Haven is no longer the Haven, Robbie and I are on the move.

Ugh, I agreed to a dinner with my family at 6 tonight, hopefully it doesn't drag on too long tonight...and hopefully I don't get too sick from seeing Emily. I know it isn't her fault. I just never forgave her for that, and now I almost blame her for everything bad that happens to my writing...
xhesika: (cereal)
...but am too nice to tell them to STFU.

While this actually includes a lot of my current co-workers--a rather large lot actually--I'm talking about the mother of one of my childhood friends. We never really hit it off and the bad foot was set in stone by a dinner discussion when I was over at the house at a much younger age than now. She basically sat at the dinner table, laughed, and called my beliefs stupid. Mind you the belief was purely based on my irrational fear of needles and I was dead set to never get my hepatitis shots. I have since then gotten them, just because of the line of work I have gotten into with the past year and a half, but the fact that she would react that way to an impressionable child...whatisthisidonteven.

Speaking of, Kyle has tried to get in touch with me on more than once occasion within the past week. I guess he's finally realizing who his friends were. Too bad he's already treated everyone like shit and now no one will give him the time of day. I wonder if he noticed me avidly deleting his comments from my page? His call was certainly one of the few I make sure to screen on my phone.

I would like to invite anyone and everyone to watch my life if I should ever have children. As my friend Kory pointed out as we were skyping while I took care of Tammi's youngest (Landyn), my parenting is going to be David Bowie and Labyrinth at 2 am; poptarts, chips, and pink lemonade at 3 am, and if you sneeze/cough shake it off, and as always, if you don't make the international sign for choking I will not save you.

Well maybe not the last part for kids under 18, but the rest of you can fuck yourselves.

...I'm doing so much better at being a bitch, right?
xhesika: (tealfashion)
Was nothing short of a nightmare, and it looks like its going to bleed into this week.

My house was broken into on the 21st, my family was out of the state for that whole week. The computers were stolen and even though they decided to tear out the speakers, headphones, keyboards, and microphones, they decided that they should just take all the jump drives that had Artemis saved on them. I still have Ritzko, I suppose that's a blessing in disguise. Luckily I had emailed most of Artemis Book 1 to myself to read at work, so I will only have to rewrite the last chapter and the afterword.

I managed to get through work without breaking down in front of my coworkers, but to tell the truth I did have a patient that I found crying at 5 am and I ended up sitting with him and bawling my eyes out right next to him.

My boss has been amazing through everything, however I haven't told her yet that Robbie and I do plan on moving back to Michigan. We're waiting on his job to transfer and we've worked the budget to allow us to live on his salary alone for as long as we need to (while I'm unemployed). I have only told one of my coworkers what happened, and only because she had her house broken into last summer and I felt was the only one who really understood what I was going through. The others know nothing, and I don't plan on telling them anything until I leave, if then.

I stayed at Tammi's house one night, I'll probably do a lot of crashing there this coming week, what was a 6-day stretch of time off has become an 8-day stretch because guess what? To top off the week, Robbie's grandmother passed this morning around 4, and the worst part is that I don't have the strength to cry anymore, even when something really warrants tears. I know how close he was to her, when he said she was back in the hospital with her usual UTI CHF, I figured she would be right as rain and back home when we moved up there. So I work tonight and took vacation for the next two days. Hopefully I can pick up some time around the hospital in the stretch to save up money.

Penelope is still missing, and her sister is all out stressed and lonely now. She cries a lot, can't keep down food, I'm worried about the both of them. So we're taking Persephone up to Michigan with us for the funeral because we don't want to leave her alone for too long, she snuggled up to me for most of last night. I have faith still that we will find Penny, the biggest reason being that we have posters all over the damn place that offer a reward of $100 for her return, along with a picture of her. To be honest, she should be easy to spot, her fur is longer than any other stray, and her coloring is rather unique. It makes me feel better when I see people I've never met combing the area for her, calling out for her, $100 is a small price to pay for her if it gets her home. I know Robbie is lonely without her.

One of the only good things that happened this past week was when my sister came home from vacation and set right all of the mess between me and my parents, she then proceeded to buy me a new laptop, which I am typing this on right now. I'm in the midst of recovering my lost music, but it looks like I may have to wait a bit to get my Sailor Moon replaced, which kinda sucks because I could really use a good laugh right about now. Artemis Book 1 is in its own little folder on here, but I haven't put much work into finishing it yet. I'm still a little numb from the whole experience.

I guess I should start getting cleaned up for work? I have a few hours still, but there is packing to be done if I plan on leaving in the morning for Michigan for the funeral.
xhesika: (Default)
The house was robbed and they took my computer and flash drive.

I came home ALONE to everything gone and turned up-side-down. I have the first 50 chapters on my e-mail, but unless by some miracle we find they tossed a drive somewhere...I will either give up on Artemis or start the last 25 chapters from scratch. I don't even know right now.

To top it off one of the cats got out, she's still missing, and she's afraid of everything.

I'm at my parent's right now, they're away on a family vacation, and when I called them to ask them for help, I was met with no support at all. After talking with Robbie we decided that the best thing to do would be to save up enough to get us back to Michigan with his family. They immediately offered us a place to stay while we got back to our feet. Robbie is working on getting his job transferred, I would be starting from scratch with my school loans to pay...of course he keeps telling me that he'll support me for as long as he has to, even if I never go back to work.

All the sweet things make me cry even more.

At least I get internet on my phone, so my email is, my phone number is 614-580-4551. Text, call, email. It makes me even sadder that most of the people that I've been there for here aren't there for me. I'm lucky to have friends who live far away that I email, who listen to me, but I don't think I'll ever stop crying.

I feel like I'm living that moment of coming home over and over again.

Don't comment on here, I won't be checking my LJ for a LONG while.
xhesika: (Default)
Immediately following my mood swing this morning, I cut my hair.

Well just the front, the back still comes to below my waist, but I did trim the ends thoroughly.

So I've got some posh-katy-perry-ish thing going on which I'm pulling out my headband collection for, and I went to Charming Charlie and nearly died. That place is HEAVEN! SO gorgeous and shiny! I picked up a few headbands from there.

I need to open up a little, I find myself too timid most of the time, I need to just throw myself out there.

I also probably need to see a therapist. With all the dreams and everything going on right now as far as my frustration with work I think a checkup on my mental health wouldn't hurt. ESPECIALLY with the dreams. Morpheus is not letting up.


May. 26th, 2011 05:39 am
xhesika: (Default)
Dear Universe,

What is the third law? These things have a habit of occurring thrice, correct?

1. Murphy's Law: Whatever can go wrong, WILL go wrong. (I get the short end of the stick, my mother's side of the family happen to have the misfortune of having this as a last name...).

2. The day you look like a scrub is the day you see everyone you know. (I've learned my lesson too many times to not keep a pair of flats in case I break another pair of heels running).

3. ... (profit?)

Updated my twitter a little. De'Angelo was making fun of it earlier saying it was the old version, to which I replied, "nah brah, it's generic."

I painted a glorious tree on the window of the hospickle Tim Hortons and all of its woody-barky-glory. I attribute my technique to hours of watching various artist's live streams for tips, and am quite shocked that I actually DID learn something.

Of course painting on windows made me want to break out some of my blank canvases. I have a half-finished painting that I rescued from the trash at the cultural art center that I wanted to finish. The original artist already did the brunt of the work by blocking out the building and the flowers, I don't understand why they would throw out such a gem.

We think Robbie broke his wrist. Roughing with the guys at a softball game. One of the girls asked if he needed an ice pack, of course when I asked him I worded it differently ("Would you like an ice pack or should I get you something to bite while I set the bone back in place?"). Two cold packs, some coban, and an ace wrap later he says he'll wait a week and if it hasn't gotten better he'll go get x-rays. Of course trust him to continue playing after the injury.

I'm actually having more fun writing the dialogue for the last chapter of Artemis, it's taking me much longer than it rightly should, but when it's finished I hope it will be as impacting as I want it to. All the sexual frustration is hilarious.
xhesika: (bushbride)
The hospital Wendy's got a new GM.

He's cracking down and cleaning house.

I now sit and watch the show.
xhesika: (Caspius Van Dean)
Artemis slumped into the cushions of the davenport, burying her head in the palms of her hands, and feeling stupid for going against Valerie Araceli’s wishes, “Mother is right. I’m an idealist and there’s no way I’ll ever be able to get through to you. I was stupid to hope.”

With a small smile Van Dean knelt at her feet, letting his hands rest on her knees to look up at her, “No. You’re wrong. It’s because of your idealism that I love you. The way you delight in the simpler things of life. Your childlike ability to forgive me and you continue to love me despite it all.”

She hardened her expression at his accusation, “I do not love you.”

“Oh but you do. You love Nyles as well, but you do love me. I can see it on your soul every time I look, it’s there without fail.” Van Dean reached one hand up and found her hand, threading her fingers with his, “You love me, you hate me, and it’s tearing you apart."
xhesika: (cooking gaga)
I need to stop going to the hospital for coffee when I'm depressed because it brings down my whole mood to think of it when I go to write.

I can't seem to stop staring out the window, and I probably look incredibly forlorn right now.

Might be doing something with Samm tonight, couldn't say for sure at this point.
xhesika: (bambi)
I got the call back from the lady in Pickerington, my appointment is next Wednesday at 4-430. Hopefully she'll be able to give me some insight to all of these dreams.Of course I would be the mumbling idiot that she wouldn't be able to understand on the answering machine.

Robbie and I have noticed recently that Persephone is getting really, really FAT. We thought originally that Penelope was the pig, but we seem to be sorely mistaken. I personally believe it was all the canned cat food that we bought; I had planned to save it and give it to them only as a treat and then I found out that Robbie had been giving them a can EVERY DAY WHEN HE CAME HOME FROM WORK. LOL. I can't be mad at him really, but no canned cat food for kitties for a long loooooong while. He of course believes that Persephone's been eating too much chicken. She does get into the trash sometimes (trash that is waiting for Robbie to take out), and I've been eating her favorite hot chicken wings...

So Persephone is all round and fast and adorable, I would have never thought such a fat kitty would be able to run so fast.

I worked last night and I'm back for one tonight and another tomorrow, then I get to prepare for a 4-day 12h shift stretch followed immediately by a 8h shift, but this should put me on a nicer rotation where I'll be able to spend Samm's days off with her, and I'll be able to spend time with Robbie as well now that he's gotten his days off switched. Plus I'll still be getting weekend night shit pay, which makes up for about $250 of my paycheck alone. I really like the floor after the acuity of winter, the people on the floor are slowly becoming the more independent sort, and other than a few depressing stories, they're really nice and make me feel happy to go to work.

Of course I still need to get started on this whole book publishing thing, the only trouble is that I can't seem to get into Ritzko enough to edit it, and in the end I may just end up giving the file to Samm to look at, she's pretty much taken over the whole Artemis project anyways (we've made amazing progress on it, she's read and edited everything up to chapter 50 without that chapter obviously).

And I think I want olives right now, my supply is getting low, I found a store that will allow me to buy big black olives with pits in large amounts and I need to go get some more sometime soon.
xhesika: (Caspius Van Dean)
I don't know if I already posted this up here, I may have, but its a little more polished now, I'm darting around Chapter 50 and realizing that the story is just going to get depressing from this point on.

Also an interesting note: the "Haven" that Kamen keeps in order for the family and constantly offers to hide Artemis in, is referred to at least once as "Haven in Jannah". Jannah is the name of Celeste's forest, the center of which is said to contain the gates to the afterlife, making Jannah the forest of life and death. The reason why it was named "Jannah" in the first place is because it's an Arabic word for heaven. Heaven in the more Islamic sense, but its not so blatant a connection that any 13-year-old (who wasn't Muslim) could make, something that's become expected this far into the book.

<Insert Cool Title Here> )
xhesika: (cooking gaga)
I'm thinking about going to sleep here soon. I have four days off and I have no idea how I plan to use them yet. I know I still have a bit of editing to do, I'm not sure when or how I want to go about it.

Zen Cha let me down for the first time. I guess they decided to get rid of tuna AND umiboshi onigiri. Those would be the two kinds we always get, they're completely traditional and it looks like once again the only way I'll be able to eat them is if I make them in my own kitchen. Its saddening, because now I see not much reason to go there as often as I would like, maybe once or twice more so that I can try their Darjeeling (I still haven't because I'm worried I'll hate it.). Other than that I'll have to wait and see what their winter menu is.

Of course I would talk about sleep with an extra large kahve in hand. I'm officially too tired for depth perception.

I have a livestream account. For the record. I was thinking about using it to broadcast my work on my picture book! Something I talked about with Samm a while back. A lot of stories have their own "bible" which is basically just that, it explains how things are the way they are in the story etc. The picture book would be the buenan creation story, Celeste and the Ancients, the birth of buenans, and Ellioweish. If I can pull it off I would be tempted to do something similar with Thorn Tower.  I need to get more familiar with my table before I attempt something like that. I do however need to pull out Google Sketchup and plot out the structures to use as reference.

Speaking of plotting out, I have an old project/story/comic I was writing for Samm years back that I wanted to go back to and finish. The issue is that I really really want to do it comic, the issue with that is figuring out a distinct style for it, and then again, it requires me to become more familiar with my tablet. So it will probably have to wait in either case, and self-publishing a regular book version couldn't hurt too much either. I'm very interested in looking into Barns and Noble's Publit a little closer. Apparently they have their own self-publishing tools for writers, the issue is finding out if they reserve the rights to the work.

No excerpt this time, I've been a bit blocked for the past few days and music isn't really helping. It isn't that I don't know where I want the chapter to go, its just using a new technique that I haven't played around with at all before. Basically the previous scene presented through Kamen's fractured memories later while there's an active scene going on. Very busy and will require a lot of editing once it is finished.

In other news, I'm working on a winter Clovinian BDU set for myself. I just need to get proper fabric for the epaulettes and some gold thread to create the rank. I got my hands on a "Chambers" standard military nametag. The handy thing about their uniforms is that they aren't very decorated as far as medals etc., BUT to complete this I am going to need a rank pin. Which I will have to have made special. How does one go about that anyways?

xhesika: (jazz hands!)
I miss my Ana. Really, really bad. I should take a trip to Chicago sometime. Maybe after we see Larry and Matt in Cleveland.

I still need to scope the Sushi Rock up there. I just wouldn't feel right doing it with out a Ferrari...better yet a Lotus.

Delia's finally decided to send me a catalog. Finally. You'd think I didn't spend too much money there as it is.

Wet Seal didn't have the heels in their store that I saw online. 4 inch with a cute strap across the top, and better made than what I have now.

I had 3 peach sangria with lunch, sober now (damnit!), even so I still probably shouldn't do any "work" work. I am still planning to jet to the timmy's to get some writing done.

Ucky Night

Oct. 16th, 2010 12:23 pm
xhesika: (bushbride)
I hate hospitals.

And I work in one.

Fuck my life.

The Nursing Supervisor had me go to the ER last night after I got hit in the throat by a man who was three times my size. After a series of x-rays and questions my trachea was fine and intact, but they suggested I go home and keep ice on it all night with a supply of pain medicine.

Well that's all well and good. I was lucky my throat was numb most of the time. It feels a little tender now, but there's no bruising. The biggest thing was the ache on the lower back of my head, but the pain medicine knocked that out pretty easily. Sleeping with an ice pack tied around your neck is no bueno.

Leaving 26 patients on the floor for one PCA and 4 or 5 RNs (We were grossly understaffed to begin with.). The entire situation it put them in pisses me off. Firstly, if anyone needs to go home who do they call to come in? The two PCAs who were working, and since I went home and the other was swamped, there was no help.

Weighing my options, I'm getting annoyed with nearly every aspect of my job and I know its the floor I work on. The type of pt. and the people I work with. It is not worth getting hurt for.
xhesika: (cooking gaga)
I feel like I should be doing something. It isn't that I'm not, I've been doing a bit of writing since I got up today. Even posted a few full segments on my DA account. Full chapters and all, honestly I hadn't meant to go so long without any activity on there, I honestly thought I was updating it. Must have been a dream.

Speaking of dreams I haven't had one in a long while.

I want a baby. It got worse once I floated to the baby floor at the hospital. Newborn feet are the cutest thing evar!

I've pin-pointed my problem. I'm acting like I'm older than I am. I'm not running out of time at all. I just easily forget that I'm only 22. I think Robbie being 27 is what throws me off.

As far as writing goes I've been tackling something tricky. I knew I would have to do this but I hadn't realized just how difficult it would be. Lillaine is supposed to be a steady character in the story, while being dead. Of course the way I've done this so far is to make her the force that pushed Kamen and Artemis together, as well as give her and her brother a very close relationship. Kamen's entire family is dead, but other than seeking revenge for his father's murder, he really does think of his sister the most. Of course hilarity ensues because Lillaine was nuts.

Lillaine's Influance )
After the whole incident with the raspberries its a wonder that they still find talking about size inappropriate. Other than that Artemis' description of him is pretty funny, "You look like you just came out of a war and killed everyone in it."
xhesika: (Snowflake)
I should upload more icons, change my theme, blah blah blah.

I don't even remember the last time I posted something up here, I should go check and see wtf was going on.

I finally got the hospital job and so tonight I decided that I have had enough of Wendys and quit. I immediatly felt better, the stress was not worth the shitty pay, and to make matters worse I was still being scheduled for register. So I would go into work in a bad mood, because it was more work than the hospital for less pay and I was being placed at the most stressful position; getting me in an even worse mood by the end of the night.

Oh and I got the hospital job on the oncology floor, yayness. I like it lots and I think I will go for the x-ray tech classes that the college of nursing offers.

So I quit tonight, I really didn't want to do it on Tammi's shift, but it was getting to be too much. It's been taking so much effort to even go to work at Wendys since getting accepted for the hospital, and it's been a complete chore to stay the full amount. I'm always completely drained from the classes and the 12hour shift. I like the idea of 12 hours a night, but to get pushed to 7 am classes right after is a little nuts.

Robbie finally went for his manager training, we ended last year exactly where we wanted to be, which was great. He should be getting home soon and will be asking me about this message I left on his That and I think I may be crazy enough to adopt a Haitian orphan? They give them to single parents, so I should be allowed to have one! Do I want a boy or a girl? I'm going to get a kick out of his face when I ask him about it.
xhesika: (Default)
A lot's been happening lately, the past week has been a little crazy.

To start off I have been trying to get a job at the hospital as a PCA (Patient Care Assistant), while networking with customers at that hospital's Wendys. So far I have a ton of leads and references. While being a PCA isn't exactly a dream job, the catch is that the hospital is also a College of Nursing. Meaning after 6 months I would receive a discount to any and all classes offered. As well as amazing health insurance.

So there's that, and then there's my modeling.

Last Monday I had someone new come into the art class I model for. After the first session I did my usual round to see how everyone's works were coming along and I went to introduce myself to this new student.

New student hands me a card. Mike Siculan. A photographer. A published photographer and artist. After exchanging e-mails and later receiving an e-mail with a few examples of his work, he appears legit. I do want to look further into it before I give him an answer, so if anyone has any information on him, please let me know. It appears to be modeling in vintage clothing from the pictures I was sent, I am a little leery of it still.

Regardless, after hearing who he was and receiving the card I felt completely self-concious.

I am supposed to be picked up for day of events at 11, COSI first then I have no idea. JB's Dad is treating, and I haven't been to COSI in ages. Plus I am going to want to take Robbie there some time and I figured I should check it out before I drag him there, last I checked it sucked hardcore.


xhesika: (Default)

August 2012

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