On a heavier note:
Sep. 1st, 2011 12:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xhesikaRobbie will be going in for dental surgery soon supposedly. I say supposedly because I can't put much stock in anything his father says. Past experience tells me that I would be completely retarded to put much faith in him. Basically Robbie has a raging infection in his jaw, requiring the entire side needing to be pulled out and replaced with an implant or something. The way it looks he wouldn't need this in the first place if he had gotten braces or even the basic healthcare when he was younger. You know. Because when you work in the military you can't get coverage for your family...
I talked to my sister the other night and she is on bed rest after getting her tonsils removed. Of course basically she told me what was going on with her relocation. She doesn't want to leave Hawaii because her boyfriend is going to be staying there, her original relocation point was going to be with a unit that would be getting deployed to Iraq within two months of her getting there. So she talked to the woman who gave the order and supposedly she'll be going to somewhere along the border of Texas and Mexico. Of course she doesn't want to go so she's faced with the option of talking to her Sargent (who can only really just ask for her again), or flat out refusing and not being allowed to re-join the military once her contract is up, barring her from a career in the military.
So the whole thing has her upset to the point where she hates her life right now, which was strange to hear from her as she's usually very happy with her choices It put things into a different perspective for me. Of course when I told Robbie he had other thoughts about it, mostly she's in the military, if they say jump, you ask how high. I'm lead to wonder if she really understood this when she enlisted, or if she even understands how the economy is outside of the military.
I considered sending her a copy of Bastian Freeman, the same one that Kat and I are working on the final editings. THANKFULLY Kat reminded me of the biggest reason why I don't allow Emily to read any of my writings, and I was happy that I never offered it to her. I don't even think she remembers the reason, the trouble is that I do, and I remember the issues with my writing that were hard to overcome because of it.
I got on FB today and noticed that Tammi was going offline. Not deactivating her account, just not using it for a while. At first I thought it was because her ex was giving her trouble again, however when I tried to give her a call she sent me a rather exasperated text, leading me to worry about her a little more. I know things haven't been the best for her lately, and I wish that I could help, but at this point I can't even bring myself to ask Robbie to take me to c-bus for a week to sort my thoughts because we really can't afford it.
I feel even more like I ought to be down there.
I talked to my sister the other night and she is on bed rest after getting her tonsils removed. Of course basically she told me what was going on with her relocation. She doesn't want to leave Hawaii because her boyfriend is going to be staying there, her original relocation point was going to be with a unit that would be getting deployed to Iraq within two months of her getting there. So she talked to the woman who gave the order and supposedly she'll be going to somewhere along the border of Texas and Mexico. Of course she doesn't want to go so she's faced with the option of talking to her Sargent (who can only really just ask for her again), or flat out refusing and not being allowed to re-join the military once her contract is up, barring her from a career in the military.
So the whole thing has her upset to the point where she hates her life right now, which was strange to hear from her as she's usually very happy with her choices It put things into a different perspective for me. Of course when I told Robbie he had other thoughts about it, mostly she's in the military, if they say jump, you ask how high. I'm lead to wonder if she really understood this when she enlisted, or if she even understands how the economy is outside of the military.
I considered sending her a copy of Bastian Freeman, the same one that Kat and I are working on the final editings. THANKFULLY Kat reminded me of the biggest reason why I don't allow Emily to read any of my writings, and I was happy that I never offered it to her. I don't even think she remembers the reason, the trouble is that I do, and I remember the issues with my writing that were hard to overcome because of it.
I got on FB today and noticed that Tammi was going offline. Not deactivating her account, just not using it for a while. At first I thought it was because her ex was giving her trouble again, however when I tried to give her a call she sent me a rather exasperated text, leading me to worry about her a little more. I know things haven't been the best for her lately, and I wish that I could help, but at this point I can't even bring myself to ask Robbie to take me to c-bus for a week to sort my thoughts because we really can't afford it.
I feel even more like I ought to be down there.
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A note from Tammi
Date: 2011-09-02 01:30 pm (UTC)No, I didn’t go offline because Travis, I’ve learned that’s a battle I will have to face daily and I’m prepared for it. I went offline mostly because I’ve noticed I don’t have much to say on the positive side of things. And there are so many things, my car being one, but at this point it’s so far down the list it’s pointless to mention.
Before you left I started a relationship with a very good friend. It was unexpected but amazing at the same time. I think because of the prior friendship and the knowledge of each other there were more emotions there than either of us realized, making the whole scenario more than a little complicated. I feel things I’ve never allowed myself to feel and I want things I’ve never allowed myself to want. And although he feels and wants the same things due to all of the complications that tangle our relationship, I am standing here empty handed.
Then there’s you, your so far away I can’t just drive around the corner and pick you up, we can’t just go sit at Tim Horton’s and watch your sister run circles around everyone else there. I feel like I was so busy while you were close that I missed out on so much. I know that things change and life goes on, but I miss you and Rob like crazy and sometimes even when I’m talking to you on the phone I want to beg you guys to just come back. I know that sounds ridiculously childish and selfish, but I don’t care. I just miss you guys.
So basically I’ve sunk in to this depression that I haven’t figured out how to get out of because I’m feeling so many emotions I’ve never felt before. I’ve never let anyone get close enough to call a real friend or even let a guy get close enough that I can say I love him. And now that I have, I get to endure the agony of being alone.
I know I’m not completely alone, I have my kids. But you try having an adult conversation about your feelings with a three year old while the other ones are at school. (That was my attempt to make myself smile. Fail).
Anyway, Talking like this is my weakest link so I shut down.