Apr. 5th, 2012

Dreams

Apr. 5th, 2012 08:22 am
xhesika: (cereal)
I spent the entire night thinking about coming home and just shooting myself.

It really kills me that everything is so far out of reach. And I feel like I've changed a lot in a bad way, I don't like myself anymore at all.

I asked Robbie in the car what his dreams were, he told me that they all fell through, that the only dream he had left was to be as happy as possible with me.

So I lost it a little and we snuggled and had ice cream.

He's let me down a lot in the past, but in the end he's really the last thing I have to live for. I don't think I'll ever get out of this house. I don't think I'll ever make the move back south. I'm giving up on my dreams because they aren't practical and I'm tired of fooling myself. I'll be a mindless zombie in this place, maybe try not to think about the long run so much.

Ready to crash into bed for a little. Work was kinda ridiculous and it shouldn't have been. Just a matter of me not being able to block all the thoughts out.

I think I may try writing on my next day off. Not Jenna, maybe re-visit some of Gale and David. I don't think I'm going to worry about the limits at all really. I'll have to wait and see. At this point I'm thinking I may need to write just for the sake of writing. It seems to be the only thing that helps block everything else out.

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xhesika

August 2012

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