Why the promotion is terrible.

My boss wants to promote me to a job that would pay 50k salaried. It is a great opportunity and I will probably end up taking it, but it would keep me in Michigan for another year.

I had a hard time getting through the night without falling apart, even when she spoke with me I felt like I was going to throw up, pass out, and god knows what else. Getting no sleep yesterday didn't help.

All plans for October...they're getting further away.

I'm going insane living here. The kicker is that the biggest reason why she wants me is because I don't take sides and have been pretty much the calmest and most professional person there...something I've been working hard at only because I don't want to get attached to people up here like I already am to people back home.

All I can think of right now is Zen Cha, when you open the door all the girls turn to you and croon "welcome", I don't think I'll ever hear that again. I don't think I'll ever go to the rose gardens at whetstone again. I don't think I'll ever get to go to Travonna at 2 am for coffee and live violinists again.

Worst, and probably very irrational, Samm. My sister. I was very attached to her, more than I knew, and its what hurts the most. We were going to all move in together in October...

I would feel bad not taking the job, because it would give me stability, something I DO miss, but I would be stuck here in a place that makes me wish I was dead.

I don't know. I think this has to be some sick joke the universe is playing on me. I give up, God exists, but he exists only to be an asshole, he can't just leave me the fuck alone. Just has to shatter every last bit of hope I have of leaving this place.

I take it back, there is a hell, I died last summer. I was home and they killed me. I'm in hell now.