finances

Did the budget with Robbie earlier, its incredibly depressing.

We used to pay all the bills with my paycheck, he never had to worry about any of it.

Now he's kinda thrown in the middle of things I always took care of, mostly I believe because he wants to prove that he's good with money and I don't think that's the case. It worked better when I took care of the finances, but then again I also had a job and we weren't wanting for anything.

Oh dear.

I wish my background check would hurry up, I need income.

Reaching out

In the writing community.

I've always been a bit socially awkward, so putting myself out there for really anything is hard. I've expressed on my LiveStreams before that it is a real challenge for me to just forget the stream is rolling and work.

I always got a lot of bad feedback from my family (Mother and Emily especially) growing up and so I just hid whatever I was working on from them. Even the first plots of Artemis were destroyed by Emily, literally, she tore apart my first notebook. My Mother would find what I had wrote on the computer and print it, then, I shit you not, read it to mock me at the dinner table. Worse, it wasn't even the dinner table, it was a Bob Evans.

Then add in the ex that decided that my dreams weren't important and went out of his way to stop Artemis from seeing an editor a few years back...yeah, that was what set me off to get rid of him.

So there's my main insecurities.

I went ahead and sent a note to a writer on dA that I admire, he's just sort of starting out, been writing for a while and has a book published through lulu. He reached out and added me on NaNoWriMo, so I almost feel like the ball is in my court. I sent him a note asking if he ever did LS, and that I'd like to see other people and their writing creative process.

I sound like such a creep, but I feel so strange with new people I feel like I need to be very careful about every move I make.

This is why I've legit isolated myself from Robbie's family.

Oh dear.

<3

I love how happy I feel after talking to Robbie. Never seems to matter how irrational or upset I get beforehand, he always seems to calm me down and make me feel better.

Also, Anne Rice. Love this woman, I think I'll add her to the list at long last.