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Its Clementine!
Jul. 18th, 2010 11:14 amI was practically up all night trying to get Persephone to calm down. She finally came out of her window and decided to beg for attention all night. She's finally calmed down and sprawled out across one of the stools in the office. Apparently she likes muffins and pink grapefruit.
Its Sunday so I posted the next chapter on DA, hopefully this week I'll have more time to get some work done, otherwise I'll have to pull a second hiatus which I hate.
The worst of it is that its once sentence that is holding me up, and its just a matter of if the person talking would pose the question in a personal enough manner to use a name, and if so, how?
Samm and I came up with the way its posed currently, the issue I have with the sentence "Do you love me Alex?" is if Van Dean would even call her that. By this point in time the reader should have a good enough idea of what kind of relationship the two had years ago, but in the book this would be the first time he's referred to her as anything other than "Pandomé".
So the basics, there should be no pause in the sentence. He's too arrogant to second-guess himself. The tone is sarcastic enough without a name, but the use of the name makes it more personal. And because it's Van Dean I almost considered having him use her middle name, something the reader only knows the initial of at this point, but that would blow the subtle tone out of the water and I feel bad enough for Pandomé in the first place.
She's getting to be a more tragic character and I don't see how I can fix it. She was all sorts of nutsy-obsessive in the original, and now that I've tried to give her sanity she just wants to get upset over everything her "god" does.
Its okay ACP! You're still one of the more complex characters!
Its Sunday so I posted the next chapter on DA, hopefully this week I'll have more time to get some work done, otherwise I'll have to pull a second hiatus which I hate.
The worst of it is that its once sentence that is holding me up, and its just a matter of if the person talking would pose the question in a personal enough manner to use a name, and if so, how?
Samm and I came up with the way its posed currently, the issue I have with the sentence "Do you love me Alex?" is if Van Dean would even call her that. By this point in time the reader should have a good enough idea of what kind of relationship the two had years ago, but in the book this would be the first time he's referred to her as anything other than "Pandomé".
So the basics, there should be no pause in the sentence. He's too arrogant to second-guess himself. The tone is sarcastic enough without a name, but the use of the name makes it more personal. And because it's Van Dean I almost considered having him use her middle name, something the reader only knows the initial of at this point, but that would blow the subtle tone out of the water and I feel bad enough for Pandomé in the first place.
She's getting to be a more tragic character and I don't see how I can fix it. She was all sorts of nutsy-obsessive in the original, and now that I've tried to give her sanity she just wants to get upset over everything her "god" does.
Its okay ACP! You're still one of the more complex characters!
