xhesika: (tealfashion)
For the month of December I'm supposed to be taking a break from writing. I feel a little empty about it with all things considered, I've gotten into the habit of just tapping away at a document whenever I can that I feel strange not working on anything.

So instead I'm looking over the two books that I pushed out over the past two months. I decided to start with Gale since I seem to be in the swing of things. Well its going okay enough...but the more I look at this book the more I realize I wrote something completely heart-wrenching.

The basic idea of the book is to show how the villain became what he is, and ORIGINALLY the idea was that the biggest cause was the relationships Gale had with Marley and Mary, and how somehow it became warped into something with Adam...now looking at it, I think it was really Ritz. How awful.

It had been raining, something that I had long since shrugged off. I could not catch any illness from the rain, it was merely the smallest of hindrances, but Renée came out of her small apartment with an umbrella as if I were about to fall over.

“Monsieur DeWinter, you will catch your death!” She rushed over to me with the umbrella, coughing on her own the entire way over to me in the downpour.

“If only.” I said slowly. She smiled at me, and I could not help but smile back, happy that she seemed to have either forgiven me or forgotten entirely about our conversation the night prior. Either way, I was glad that she was not cross with me. “I am melting,” I managed.

“I can see that.” She took my arm and began to pull me towards her door.

“Not in the physical sense.”

It's sweet, adorable, Gale's been shut off from most everything up until this point in his life and now he's slowly experiencing emotions and is wonderfully unaware of how to show them or relay them to others. So Ritz saves him, right? Gives him a new lease on life, right?

I'm bordering more now on the idea that Ritz damned him. With all the running around the world the two do in trying to stay away from Marley and Mary, Gale ends up becoming even more twisted. So I now look at this story as something awful and tragic, how Gale and Ritz become hardened and manipulative.

I knew this was going to happen, I don't think I ever saw the story THIS way though.

When I wrote Bastian a year ago I didn't mean for my characters to become this complex...I think that's why I didn't care much for it then.
xhesika: (bushbride)
Winamp is trolling me, TWICE in one day already.

They were a diversion, merely a diversion, and as Adam took a step back in initial horror before reaching for each of the animals and breaking what necks he could reach without spilling any of their blood I made my own attack.

Winamp's choice: Tom Jones -- It's not unusual

Grimacing and seething with pure hatred for me he pulled the knife from my shoulder and began to hack at me with it, slashing and tearing at my throat and chest, and making a desperate attempt to cause me to pull back from him, for he wanted nothing more than to flee in that moment.

Winamp's choice: Micheal Bublé -- Crazy Love
xhesika: (cooking gaga)
Over 11k and still going up, I'm weighing the best way to go about a book like this. I don't think I've ever read a book written from the perspective of the villain where they didn't repent or die by the end.

Belladonna )
In the meantime I press on with NaNoWriMo, I'm a few days ahead, but I don't want to fall behind at all. The trouble is that with what I'm writing I'm having to be very picky with my word choice to make sure that everything falls into plan.

Today was lovely though, and it's not over yet. Robbie left to go further south to see friends and I spent the day with Samm. I have eaten so much sushi down here I'm happier than a kitty.

In other news KiKi is beautiful and her tail is as fluffy as she is wide, I almost want to steal her.


Nov. 4th, 2011 09:15 pm
xhesika: (cooking gaga)
After visiting the hospital tonight I've realized a few things about the spot I'm at right now.

I'm in a position where I have been able to do the thing I love and be supported by someone I love. I may go nuts and bored and want a job every now and again, but in the end I'm very happy with being able to write like I love to.

So we're in C-Bus for the weekend, Robbie is leaving tomorrow to go further south for a few days, I meanwhile am staying in the city to visit with family and friends. When we return to Waterford we have the luxury of having the house all to ourselves. We did shopping before leaving, so I am extra interested in all the delicious things that I am going to cook.

Also, 10k into my NaNo project, Gale, and suddenly the story is deviating into much more passionate territory than I had originally planned. I guess I'll never be able to completely control my characters.

Also also, am I the only one who truly believes that FB needs to come down? I know ANON rumors are all over, but it would be nice to show the larger corporations and bigwigs that people in general can still twist the screws.
xhesika: (changed my mind)
I get an absolutely hilarious picture in my head of poor Adam on hands and knees in an alley, begging like his life depends on it for Marley to show SOME sort of couth.

It is by no means finished, but it is in the right tone, which is going to be essential to this book.

A bit from NaNoWriMo )
xhesika: (Utena)
I have an interview with Charming Charlie tomorrow. I am extra excited, and so happy that a store I loved so much is coming to the area. Even moreso that I have finally gotten a call back from the sites and sites of applications I exhausted.

Tucker is incredibly sick, the steroid shot he was given the first time he went to the vet wore off and apparently weakened his immune system. He was veggy-like for a few days (poor thing) and has started to perk up after all the antibiotics we've been giving him. Persephone has been staying away from him and treating him like a leper.

I believe that Robbie has started to really miss the city. He's expressed that he's tired of the same routine, of course when I ask him what he would like to do when he comes home from work, he has no idea. Which to be honest, is because there is nothing.

I have been surviving with my writing, and have actually started a dA account for porn. No, it is in no way associated with my main account, so you'd be lucky if you ever find it.

Back to writing porn for now.
xhesika: (Caspius Van Dean)
One of the more recent short stories I've been working on. It looks like the editing for Bastian is going to get a little sketchy due to technical issues, hopefully it won't be held up for very long. We've been making amazing progress on it so far, but playing with the tenses gets quite tedious.

Excerpt )
xhesika: (She Won't Look at You)
Robbie took me for coffee this morning, then we drove around.

We went looking at houses mostly, the nice ones, big houses that you'd like to fill for Christmas.

I don't know what happened. It never happened before, but I started feeling absolutely terrible, achy throat and welled up eyes terrible, and at first I didn't know what was wrong, at first I didn't understand why I was so upset all of a sudden doing something I used to like. I broke down once or twice, Robbie was completely confused, and I know I cry a lot these days and he's probably seen more than his share of it.

I talked about my grandparents a little. Memories of things we used to do when I was little and they had the house in Findlay.  Stargazing with my grandma. My grandpa's very recent stroke, that made me cry again.

Eventually I understood why I was so upset over the houses. Before, no matter how extravagant it was, nothing seemed out of reach. Not a million dollar home, not the world, anything was possible. Now I don't feel that hope, and no matter how many times I told myself, "finish writing your books, finish editing, get back on track" nothing seemed to help.

When I did figure out what made me upset, Robbie had me tell him, and I think he liked the reason even less than me actually crying.

I think I may actually need an anti-depressant of some sort. I may need to actually seek help about this, because I can't seem to pull myself out of this. I just keep snuggling up in bed and crying over sections of Artemis.

I think right now it helps even less that Robbie keeps throwing out completely Covington phrases.
xhesika: (tealfashion)
Kso, today Robbie's Dad had supposedly set up an appointment for their cat to see the vet. He lied. Then used the excuse that he didn't have the number despite it being just at the end of the street and therefore something he would pass every single day.

So I eventually cool off of this because we were supposed to go to olive garden for lunch, then to the cider mill.

We all get into the car and find that Robbie and I have been lured out of the house under false pretenses. Robbie's Dad wanted chinese so we were going for chinese instead, despite his mom constantly reminding him that Robbie and I had just had chinese the night before. Normally i wouldn't turn down chinese, but I really wasn't feeling it, especially after thinking about olive garden, I think Robbie was a bit more irked about it because, well, olive garden was his favorite and he was pretty psyched about it.

So they went to chinese and Robbie and I went and had a drink at the bar next door. Rum and coke, nothing special, and the chick at the bar was nice enough to give me a couple of job leads which i will def be looking into.

After that his parents apparently had to pick up a book, the problem is that there are no bookstores in waterford or any of its surrounding towns. I shit you not. They tanked with the economy and apparently "book learning" isn't something they're big enough on for major companies to bother with. I really wish I was kidding on this front, but I promise that it isn't just my cinicism.During the time that they were scouring the scooby-doo ghost town mall for a bookstore, Robbie had some pizza at the food court.

Which leads us to now, we ended up just heading home because Robbie isn't feeling well, and he says it isn't pain which is weird because he didn't take any pain meds this morning (the only reason why he opted for a drink), and the things he had to eat were the onion/cheese/ham rolls that I ate as well, and the pizza at the mall which I also ate. I'm thinking he caught something at work because I don't really know what else would make him feel so out of sorts. Except for being up with the sun, which I will admit, makes me feel really weak and strange after being nocturnal for weeks.

So, keeping an eye on him while I wait for my package. I had to order a few shirts and a coat from wet seal, the store just doesn't exist up here and the prices everywhere are gorged to hell. What's worse is that the long-sleeved shirts I have are getting holes in the elbows and when I thought about it I realized that I have had these since before I started dating Robbie.

C'est la vie.
xhesika: (Caspius Van Dean)
An excerpt, still needs a little work, but the dialogue sums up a lot about Artemis as a character.

Closing in on the final chapter, although I still feel leery of it for some reason despite it being something I think about constantly. I just can’t seem to type when I actually get to it.

Read more... )
Meanwhile, Rei's standing in the corner, feeling VERY uncomfortable.
xhesika: (Slam)
I'm not a religious person by any means. I've had the conversation with a couple of my friends several times: my bible sits on the shelf between the qur'an and a copy of the satanic bible and a thick dictionary of classical mythology.

Still, after looking through more myths and stories and all the different takes on vampires I'm thinking that mine are too strong. I took nearly all of the religion out of it with the exception of Bastian's weapons.

The gun: Bastian had an array of different guns in his storage, but he mentions several times about a derringer that he keeps on him. The gun is passed from character to character throughout the stories and is the only weapon in the arsenal that is actually baptized (done after his parents passed, the gun was carried by his own father during the war, yay sentiments), the ammo of course is always baptized no matter what the weapon.

I kept stakes, they're just too classical to slash from the stories! In trying to pull a little religion back into the books (in the name of being classical) I did some research of my own.

Bram Stoker's stakes were white oak, but my stakes are going to be what the cross was made out of, and there is where my research started.

Most people have heard they myth of the dogwood tree, the trouble is that the dogwood has NEVER been native to the Mediterranean, so going on that we have a considerably limited selection. Olive trees are out of the question for religious reasons, in biblical times a lot of people followed the greek/roman paganism and olive trees were pretty sacred.

After digging deeper I found the added bit that there are nails from several victims that have pine on them.

Its called a Stone Pine, it's what I'm using, and its the best bet for the actual tree used.

Suck it cheesy dogwood myth, this tree would kick your ass any day.
xhesika: (Default)
I watched the anime a few years back, but never got around to reading the actual books. In the name of research I delved into them tonight, makes me want to re-watch the series now, but I can't for the life of me find a good copy.

The manga however is quite interesting, it follows very closely the old Bram Stoker, much closer than I do with The Ritzko Project, but I'm taking my own creative twist on them. I love that they can't cross water, I love that they use coffins, I love that Alucard talks about skills learned at Scholomance (he hasn't used the actual name of the school where Dracula learned them) and uses them, and I LOVE that they tie in the whole zombie apocalypse.

Very similarly as to what Gale does with necromancy and raising zombies as an army (planned book 3), Hellsing goes with the old stories that a vampire can only sire those who are pure and virgin, otherwise a "ghoul" is born, oh and there are armies of ghouls.

So back to the whole Dracula myth, something I came across in the book that gave me a twinge of awe was a Vlad the Impaler referrence. Most people are well aware that Vlad III Dracula is the closest historical figure to Dracula and a large influance on the character himself, a Prince that lived in Wallachia (modern-day Transylvania and Romania), he was most known for "impaling" his favorite method of torture. It is said that several times armies that came to seize power often turned back after being met at rivers and city limits by thousands of people impaled on large pikes of wood left to die and rot off.

Gruesome, right?

Best. Reference. Ever.

Sorry, but the scene is just kick ass in every way. Kouta Hirano (the author and artist) seems to capure exactly the scene I imagine when I think of Vlad, the pikes neatly surrounding the building like they were there for decoration...Vlad was a pretty messed up character with a long history of abuse, I imagine he had a personality like Hannibal Lector...without the whole eating thing...that kinda fits the Dracula aspect tho...

And as I'm really not that far into reading the series, I figure I'll have a lot more to say about it, this just caught me off guard and I loved it.

I wonder if they'll incorporate a form of a Drone? That was more of a Fright Night referrence though.

xhesika: (Caspius Van Dean)
holy shit...

...I wrote something magical.

No wonder I was having crazy nightmares this past year, the content of Artemis is dark.

Wow, its been a long time since I read the whole thing, its...empowering.

I'm writing the ending, I'll push through like I used to and if I don't like it I'll read it over and re-write until I feel sick, then I'll wait a day and do the same until its perfect.


Sep. 16th, 2011 03:05 am
xhesika: (bushbride)
Me: "I search myself, I want you to find me. I forget myself, I want you remind me. I don't want anybody else--"

Rob: "When I think about~ you I touch myself."

xhesika: (Caspius Van Dean)
I missed this. I love the way the story forms in my head, nothing like Ritzko, Artemis has a much more consuming feeling when I write it.

Short Story: Of Sheets )


Sep. 4th, 2011 05:02 am
xhesika: (HaloThar)
Today is Robbie's 28th birthday.

Of course he's been bringing home roses and presents for me the past few days, so I'm convinced that he's confused on how all of this is supposed to work.

when we found out when the surgery is supposedly going to be he had me tell him exactly what his birthday plans were. I don't know that it was the best idea because I think he's only just now starting to feel the impact of his Grandmother's death. Of course I was going to take him on a picnic to her grave. Sounds weird I know, but it has some meaning for us.

He came home for lunch at 2 in the morning, just a few hours ago, completely upset and depressed. It either has to do with his grandma, him being harassed at work (ugh, don't even get me started), or he's actually missing the city life.

I will have to work extra hard to cheer him up today.
xhesika: (changed my mind)
What I find that I like most is how deceptive it is. For the entire Bastian Freeman book the reader has no idea who the bad guy is, and now in the David Johnson part the reader watches the bad guys run circles around the good guys and you never really know who is behind it all. I don't intend to make it clear until the third, Gale DeWinter, about who exactly is responsible for what.

As I write more and more I'm finding that I can't wait to write Gale DeWinter's part. The whole third installment will be tragic flashbacks of Gale's relationship with Ritz (already a racy topic in both books prior), Mary, Marley, and Adam (who looks like he's going to be a major part in the second installment as well).

But Gale as a character is still forming, he doesn't show up much in the first book, just enough to scare the hell out of Bastian and make an impression on Jenna. I also don't plan on letting the reader in on too much of his personality when he's narrating. Gale will be professional and frank, every three chapters telling about a chapter in his past. I can't stress how much I'm looking forward to the racy flapper innuendo.

Read more... )

Belladonna lillies. Ah the implications. I love that Ritz not only kept them this whole time, but she left them on Gale's desk, what a slap in the face, the relationship between Ritz and Bastian is looking more and more like an affair. Just like it should.

Throwing myself into Ritzko right now seems almost fitting, the darker storyline is just what I needed.
xhesika: (bambi)
I'm down to the last few days before my period and the telltale signs are there: bloating (the good kind, yes I get the good kind), strange cravings, moody, and I want a baby.

That last one is actually really common, I've gone up to Robbie I don't know how many times to ask him for one, but the answer is always no, and once my period is over I won't want one anymore.

But right now I do.

And Persephone STILL hasn't learned to cuddle with me at this point, although admittedly I may be a little too aggressive in my snuggles.


Aug. 9th, 2011 05:01 pm
xhesika: (cereal)
Was talking with Lorie (Robbie's mom), apparently they have Delta Dental as well! I may be going to the dentist soon!

Yay teeeeeeeeeefffffssssss!

Yuck bills.
xhesika: (tealfashion)
My last day at work is this Tuesday.

The power will shut off on Thursday.

I put Artemis on hiatus. I've been unable to write on it, I keep getting caught up on the fact that I lost so much of it, and I can't seem to get back into the writing groove. So I decided to make a sequel to Ritzko...rather three sequels. I re-named the first book The Final Comission of Bastian Freeman, and the whole series will be called the Ritzko Project. Each of the books will be in the same style as the first, but from another perspective. The second from Johnson's, the third from Gale, and the fourth from Jenna.

In the first sitting I was able to push out 13 pages, and it was strange, but after writing that I felt almost like I might be able to do some work on Artemis. So I opened up the document and although I was unable to write anything, its comforting that the feeling is coming back.

With that being said, Emily is back in town this week. I admittedly am using the move as an excuse to not see her because I still do associate her with anything bad that happens to Artemis after she vandalized the very first copy beyond repair. I've gone over my history with writing with Kory on Livestream and Skype several times, and its interesting how I'm noticing how fucked up it's been after I put everything out there. How somehow I manage to continue with something I like after Emily tears it all apart, and my Mother patronizes me at the dinner table...

The trouble with this is that I won't be able to spend much time with Samm before I leave.

It was the last night with some of the girls tonight. There are certainly a few I will miss, but there are a lot of them that I won't miss at all, and I don't expect to be missed by many in return...I don't really know a nice way to say it, but I almost feel indifferent. I'll miss connecting with patients.

Plans for a movie night with Tammi and the kids tonight, I've practically been living there for the past few weeks on my day off. The Haven is no longer the Haven, Robbie and I are on the move.

Ugh, I agreed to a dinner with my family at 6 tonight, hopefully it doesn't drag on too long tonight...and hopefully I don't get too sick from seeing Emily. I know it isn't her fault. I just never forgave her for that, and now I almost blame her for everything bad that happens to my writing...


xhesika: (Default)

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