xhesika: (changed my mind)

She sighs, “Jenna, never emotionally invest yourself in a man, it always ends up messy.”
I snort, “I know.”
She looks at me incredulously.
I sigh, “I let Royce kiss me.”
Ritz moans, “Oh, Jenna! Not a druggie!”
“It was gross. Then I told him it was gross. Now I don’t think we’re on speaking terms.”
She pats me on the back and leans her head back down on my shoulder. “He’ll get over it, or maybe he was high and won’t remember.”
She has such high expectations of Royce….


I have such fun ideas about Gale and Ritz as parents. I think someday I might do little shorts...for personal pleasure. Those along with that WWII thing. I am a fan of Hellsing and what they did with Vampires/Zombies/and Nazis...and so tastefully too....

Something else I'm noticing: after writing two sequels to Bastian and working on the fourth the ending of Bastian is now incredibly tragic to me. I liked it better when it just made the reader angry at the characters, but this is actually really interesting how its filling out.

Also, looks like Jenna is going to be DOUBLE what the other books are at least. Eighth chapter and I'm already 20k words in...and Jenna isn't even on track to go where she needs to be for the book to be HALF over. I am enjoying the writing style, Bastian's cynicism with Gale's observation and vocabulary. Every description is chilling and wonderful.

Will probably find the most chilling thing to post in chapter eight before the night is out. I posted a little on Twitter and got a reply from an Arachnophobe friend that the effect was reached.

Ya know, I never thought I would like writing horror as much as I do.


xhesika: (She Won't Look at You)
New manager at work, her name is Lea and she is wonderful. I adore her. However others not so much? I'm not alone in that I love her and think she's great for the store, but some people think she's too strict? And others just clash completely. But we'll see what happens in the next few days/weeks and who quits.

Speaking of work, I really need to work on my language. Most of the time I'm good about it, but when I start to get tired...well, I don't think even sailors say the things I do. Maybe I should apologize to Tyler for getting on him about that sex change too....

Nah.

Anywho, made food today, onigiri, and I ate every last damn morsel, it was delicious. There is a stash under the bed of goodies, I will take a picture and catalog everything for your viewing pleasure later. Its pretty damn impressive, like the zombie apocalypse stash.

I talked to Christina very briefly today, she worked at the Tim Horton's at the hospital, she's a manager there now. She was talking about setting something up so that she and Samm could come visit me. I'm all teary now and want to see them, I miss everyone so much. And I'm back to feeling dead in this place and don't want anyone to see me like this... At least I have time to psych myself up.

Supposed to be working on Jenna, and I love it, suddenly everything comes together and I realize that everything matches up perfectly with no effort, I don't even know how I pulled that off. But I want to work on Artemis. I love the way Artemis makes me feel...no homo. The trouble is that I've already come to terms with the fact that I would have to start over and re-write a lot to get back into the swing of things, and that would take a while. I need to finish Jenna first, then go back over David, then fine tune Gale, then make sure Jenna works, all the while editing Bastian and moving consecutively.

I'm a busy bunny.

Reading

Apr. 11th, 2012 08:02 am
xhesika: (RedBaron)
Written two years ago, verbatim. This little snippet of dialogue was never changed and has been consistent, Jenna talking about Ms. Helen:

Jenna crossed her arms over her chest, “Because she has nothing better to do, she sucked her life out of her family and they all died.”

WTF.

I need to step away from the computer for a few minutes I think.

Today

Apr. 4th, 2012 08:41 pm
xhesika: (RedBaron)
They came back, thankfully I haven't seen much of them.

So the cat. When we had talked to them on the phone about their cat, Tucker, they had said that he had cataracts in one eye. I did a little research and found that cataracts in cats are not common and are caused by infections. Seeing as how Tucker had a raging infection for a year prior to us moving in that was leaking from his jaw out his eye, I assumed that he got it because of the infection. Cataracts aren't contagious, so I'm not worried about Persephone too much. We had still planned on taking her to the vet in a week or two to make sure.

So they get here and basically we get that they never took Tucker to the vet and decided that they assumed they were cataracts. Because if you're bringing a sick cat into contact with another cat its best to assume that they don't have anything contagious, right? Its not like Persephone already caught diseases from their cat.

o wait.

Thankfully, I have a job now and it won't be like before their trip when I was stuck here all night with them in the house. Persephone has already shown distaste with everyone who has returned so she'll most likely be keeping to the room here, which is good because I keep her food in here and there's an adjoined bathroom with her litter there. So we can spend time in here together and it encourages her to snuggle up with Robbie and I at night.

On the non-writing side, I've been sleeping a little more and re-reading a few books. I'm thinking of pulling out Sailor Moon and watching all 200 episodes over again, dubs and subs, someone on Tumblr mentioned that they found it helped with optimism. I haven't pulled out the games, but as I recall I have an entire village of gay lumberjacks on the Sims.

I still don't really feel like talking to anyone, luckily my job leaves me on my own most of the time, and Robbie's been very cuddly and supportive otherwise.

Adding to the list of people I'm disappointed with in my life, I know she didn't mean for it to happen, and I'm sure that it slipped out, but Samm told my mother I was moving back to Ohio. I'm not thrilled.

I'm waiting for a callback from Kerry, I need to set up something with her on a private pay basis at least until I can get the insurance fixed.
xhesika: (cooking gaga)
Robbie took me out and we got salads and went stargazing, then did a little cleaning and snuggled up to watch movies until dawn. It was nice to take a break from everything with him. I love how snuggly he is.

I posted a hiatus on dA today, I don't know if I'm going to be doing a lot of writing in the next few weeks, but I'm def not going to be putting any of it up. Right now, my writing has become one of the most stressful things in my life, and its because it isn't going anywhere. My biggest dream ever since I was little was to be published, but now that I'm so close, I just keep getting pushed back.

I hate thinking about the lack of progress that has been made, it makes me feel sick. So I'm taking a break from all of it for a couple weeks. Going to be concentrating on spending more time with Robbie. Probably not going to be on the lappy so much, but I'll try to make more entries on my journal. I seem to be slipping on that aspect, and it does help me get my thoughts out. So I need that bit.

I had a really disturbing dream that I went to a passover celebration and the lady said that I had to fast before the dinner so i could get the full effect, then Samm came over and pulled me up into what was I guess my room, then started breaking the heels off of all of my shoes and saying that they wouldn't be good for dancing? I was all sorts of wtf, my shoes! Then I woke up and they were all pretty in the closet.

Maybe I need more shoes.
xhesika: (tealfashion)
Did some editing on my days off, which is good, I always feel happy after editing.

We're coming up on a monster chapter, the first climax of the book. Both Bastian and David were written with two climaxes, one in the middle, and then one at the end. Gale has a lot more, I should actually go through and count them to be honest, but Jenna is only going to have one because of all the building up to it that has to happen.

So my editor, Kory, and I are sitting around after finishing up Chapter 25, I'm working on Jenna, and she's moving onto Chapter 26 when she all of a sudden goes wide-eyed and weepy.

Before I go on I'll have to tell you something about what is going on in Jenna. Jenna meets Adam, and the two of them hit it off well, I'm going to be weaving in some really demure and simple sweet stuff, but because Jenna is not a sexual character by any means, and is a driven, strong heroine she does not need a man, nor does she get one by the end of the book. All that aside Kory ships them like her OTP, because Gale and Ritz are...kinda messed up when you get into them, and Jenna and Adam are the only pairing that is really understandable.

So Kory found something that Bastian says, and although he doesn't realize who he's saying it about, he's talking about Adam, and the comment he makes is incredibly cold. It was enough for my editor to run to the freezer and pull out a pint of ice cream for about fifteen minutes while I promised that I would write short stories post-Jenna for her.

So while I'm really rather proud of the fact that I was able to basically put my editor into an emotional-ice cream eating coma for a little just based on characters that she's only read about through Bastian (anything she knows about the other books is through ideas that I've bounced off her, she's saving the other books for when she gets to them in the editing process.) I'm not looking forward to when she gets to Jenna and starts getting mad at me for how cynical Jenna is.

But she gets that from her brother really.

In the meantime, I'm having a blast writing again, I need to buckle down and edit the other books in short segments between chapters I think. I shouldn't hold off on writing for so long ever again like I did with this book, it feels too good to write.

"This is the noise that keeps me awake, my head explodes and my body aches."

Ohio

Mar. 18th, 2012 08:59 am
xhesika: (tealfashion)
Probably one of the most shallow things I've ever stated, but I feel less depressed feeling attractive.

So I'm at Tammi's apartment right now, she's at work and I'm working on Jenna (loving it too by the way, omg writing feels so good), I like the apartment even more now that I'm here. When I'm in Waterford I try to dress for the day despite staying in the house, but it's never anything that I would go out of the house in. Today and yesterday I was presentable, like I used to be, and I feel attractive, and it actually makes me feel a little better about myself. Not such a mess. The thing is just that I can't justify getting myself put together like this if I'm not going to see anyone I know, or going to be cooped up in the house all day, and getting posh'ed up when I am just doing that is all the more depressing.

Just need to move, that's what.

There is a hospital not far from the apartments, and I am seriously thinking of going for that. George has guarenteed me a job, but to be honest I am so tired of making so much less than I was at the hospital, I am willing to trade. Better hours, better pay, and more time to write, like last time. It would feel good to get my life back on track.

I saw Samm yesterday, and I was all sorts of proud of myself for not crying.

I called Mr. Black to talk to him yesterday when we were in the car on our way down here, I did start tearing up a bit while talking to him, I like how honest I can be with him, and I really like how he treats me like more of a daughter than my own parents do. I'd love to be a parent like him someday.
xhesika: (tealfashion)
Ritz hums, “Fine then. Remember Jenn-a, no sex…what were the other ones?”
“Drugs?” Gale asks.
“Right, no drugs.”
“Rock and roll?”
Gale.”
Ridiculously in love. Lucky bastards. Here I am, and the only guys I’ve ever known are chumps. Twenty bucks says they’ll be rolling around on the couch once I’m gone, I won’t be hurrying back any time soon.


I wish there were more opportunities to see Gale and Ritz's parenting skills.

Jenna, is perpetually aloooooooone.

xhesika: (Default)
I shake my head quickly, I got un-interested in medicine really quick when I got a hold of Gale’s copy of Grey’s Anatomy and was able to translate one word he had scribbled in Romanian next to a heart diagram: zeamă, juice. More specifically, meat juice.


[2:36:30 PM] Kat Lavisk: ...
[2:36:33 PM] Kat Lavisk: LOL.
[2:36:38 PM] Kat Lavisk: oh... god.
[2:36:38 PM] Jessica Chambers: why would you look at a vampires copy of grey's anatomy?
[2:36:42 PM] Jessica Chambers: just ASKING for trouble
[2:36:47 PM] Jessica Chambers: why why why
[2:36:57 PM] Kat Lavisk: cause it's Jenna
[2:37:10 PM] Jessica Chambers: "oh awesome grey's anatomy, i love these pics"
[2:37:14 PM] Jessica Chambers: yup gale does too
[2:37:53 PM] Kat Lavisk: ...
[2:38:02 PM] Kat Lavisk: that sounds... uh.
[2:38:11 PM] Jessica Chambers: so wrong
[2:38:13 PM] Kat Lavisk: like grey's anatomy is a vampire's playboy.
[2:38:20 PM] Jessica Chambers: LOLOLOLOLOLOL
[2:38:48 PM] Jessica Chambers: dying atm

Artemis

Feb. 26th, 2012 07:37 am
xhesika: (HaloThar)
Friends-only entry to follow, actually, all of the entries from this past week were thrown into friends only and the FB link was put back up (I think). Usually I'm better about it, but I had a period of apathy.

I have a few days off from work and I'm looking to get a bunch of work done on Gale, and then I can back track to David and fix the voice. I decided I wanted to use Mr. Black as my inspiration, and suddenly I understood the character a little more. Bastian is the cynic, Gale is...well, Gale, and David was supposed to be the best friend, but it really isn't enough to base him off. Having this sort of direction is prime.

Speaking of prime, I need to update a couple twitter accounts.

Gao, all puffy and bruised from being a tired klutz all night.

Treats )
I will never not find this story squishy and magical and all sorts of sad-happy.
xhesika: (tealfashion)
I don't think getting back to Artemis would hurt so much if the content didn't hit so close to home now. I remember writing the absolute devastation of the characters in those final moments and finding myself in tears because of how powerful the ending was. I don't think I'll be able to ever write an ending to rival it. I opened up the document, set on just barreling through, but I've only written about two hundred words, and none of it information vital to the story line. I guess I still need some time.

Yesterday was good, despite the ending. We were all woken in the early hours of the day to a woman pounding on the door screaming fire and instantly everyone is thinking, "holy shit the house is on fire." Matt had been sleeping on the floor and I guess he has rug burns from where he rolled onto his stomach and started doing the army crawl while half asleep (lol). It turns out the house next door was on fire, and so the guys got their shemogs soaked and used them as breathing masks while they banged one doors.

The house had too have been burning for hours, you could see fire in the basement and there was black smoke everywhere, luckily the 90 year old man who lived there is apparently in the hospital, he has dementia, diabetes, and a few other things I think, so he wouldn't have been able to get out of the house very quickly had he been in there.

The fire department took over ten minutes to get there, and they ended up having to come back 4 times throughout the day. Apparently the whole first floor is burned out. The whole house is boarded up now, they think the fire started in the basement. Of course we all have an idea of what happened, but no one knows the exact cause right now.

We had delicious pancakes for breakfast, and chai lattes, and watched movies and did a little running around. The day was prime until the end. We went to visit a friend of Matt and Robbie's who has pancreatitis and is getting a spleen removal on the 29th. I actually started to feel dizzy when Robbie started talking about last June, and by the time we got out of the house on the way to the car I couldn't focus my eyes on anything. I don't want to know how wrecked I looked, apparently it was enough for Robbie to understand what was going on when we were on our way out the door. We ended up coming home and leaving Matt in the living room while Robbie and I laid in bed for a while.

I told him everything, didn't hold back on anything that I was thinking.

I'm still a little teary. I hate this so much. I'm falling apart physically now. I've had to wear my wrist in a splint for the past week, only able to take it off long enough to do dishes and shower, I've had to sleep in it. My wrist started hurting at work the other night and it got to the point where I had to stop for a while, the splint was instant relief. I need to see a doctor about it. I don't want to depend on the splint, already when I take it off I can see the weaker and disheveled looking imprint of it on my arm...it reminds me of those holocaust pictures.

Its harder to sleep all night, I don't have an appatite, and the dreams keep waking me up. To top it off my parents are pestering me about coming to see me and I just don't want to see them. I still feel like they completely abandoned me when I needed them the most, because, well, they did.

I have an appointment at 11 with Kerry, we'll see how I feel after that.

Strangely enough, still one of the better V-Day's I've had.

Of Violins

Feb. 8th, 2012 04:12 pm
xhesika: (Caspius Van Dean)
Working on a little something for dA, hopefully I'll be able to finish it and get it up within the week, but it's looking to be one of the longes. Feels so good to work on Artemis again. What little of it I seem to be able to work on.

She attempted a smile, “It’s a great excuse to not have to wear a pacoima.”

Kamen’s face brightened, pacoimas were something that he had come into contact with (albeit not physical contact), and he was slightly happy to finally be on the subject of something he could identify, “Oh, right, pacoimas are those….” His voice trailed off with a certain level of horror, realizing exactly the sort of clothing a pacoima was.

Artemis stifled a laugh, “Go on.”

“No. We are not having this conversation.”

“I think it would be amusing to hear you talk about corsets.”



NAH BRAH.

DUN WANNA TALK ABOUT UNDERWEARS.

NEWP.

Vocabulary

Jan. 31st, 2012 09:06 pm
xhesika: (Default)
I'm becoming increasingly annoyed with Microsoft Word's limited vocabulary. The program is amazing for the editing process and all that, but I've come across the issue more than just a couple times where a word isn't recognized at all, or worse, isn't recognized by the program and yet shows up in the dictionary that the program allows you to bring up on the side of the window (its a very useful tool).

In every case I end up adding it into the word bank and pressing on, and that was fine at first, but after working on Gale (and even now polishing it), I decided to take a look at all the words that I had to enter into the bank.

Here's naming off a few:

antecubital
calvous
omelette
plait
polyamourous
pursed
reticella
stola
suss
tethered
tourettes
trapezed
unkept
vivisepulture

...They look incredibly inappropriate when lumped together like that...but you get the basic idea.

I'm not even going to lie at this point, I'm not in school currently and so I do take advantage of the Dictionary(dot)com app's daily word on my phone to keep myself sharp, but most of these words were not picked up through that.

I sort of wish that Word would allow me to choose what site the built-in dictionary pulled from, as it needs an internet connection to access the dictionary and therefore I assume it is working off of the internet. Perhaps there is an option somewhere, I'll have to look into it.

More curious now, after seeing my own plethora of added words, what sort of words do my other friends end up having to add in?

<3
xhesika: (Default)
And I was eating, I forgot what it was like to get hungry. The days blended together for a while there with work, I was only really eating twice a day. I had four days off and I was eating like crazy...like I used to apparently.

Appointment with the surgeon for Robbie today, we'll see how that goes.

Bastian progress is going, slowly but surely. I don't know if we'll make the deadline for the penguin books competition, and I didn't even plan on saying anything about it here, but what the hell. I haven't really said anything about it to anyone. I just don't usually enter writing contests.... I don't even really know when they're going on. I guess I should try for that more this year.

So back to the whole time off from work bit, I only work one day next week. The paycheck will be suffering, but I'm determined to throw myself into my writing. Its all I have left really. I guess I've got nothing left to lose, all of my practical plans fell through, all I have left are the dreams. I want to take a trip to clear my head, get to a city. Not c-bus, somewhere new where I could just wander and clear my head looking at new things.

Speaking of dreams. I had one around Christmas. No Morpheus. I was wrapped up in turquoise ribbon on the beach gasping for air. I pulled myself out of bed and grabbed my lappy quick to write down the words and descriptions, and to be quite honest that is what I have down for one of my future projects. The whole mermaid returning to the sea. It's going to hit close to home, its going to be a recount of the dreams with him where we were transporting the mermaid.

I was thinking about the dreams, and looking back, and I think...I think Morpheus might have been an angel and I think he was trying to tell me something, or warn me. Or maybe I've cracked at last. So when I had the dream about the ribbon I was pretty freaked out. It was the first dream in a long while, and if it is in the least bit prophetic like the last...I'm in trouble.

I talked to Kyle yesterday, we ended up patching things up slightly. I doubt there will be any more trouble between us. Not for the usual reasons, but because I don't think I'll ever see him to be honest. There will be no opportunity.

I feel overwhelmed for some reason, depressed, but when I take a moment to myself I can't seem to get the thoughts straight.

Might as well use it.

Christmas

Dec. 30th, 2011 05:21 am
xhesika: (Utena)
Robbie and I did Christmas shopping together today, he kept changing his mind on what he wanted so we just ended up going up to Somerset to browse.

Of course I don't think I've really posted anything substantial in a long time.

This is like a bad movie. )
Long story short, okay Christmas, okay family times, happy times with Tammi and the kids.

Melting

Dec. 12th, 2011 04:35 am
xhesika: (She Won't Look at You)
Finishing up a few things on Gale before I go to tackle the two other books in the series. I've come to the conclusion that Jenna, the next and last book, will be the only one in the series that is properly plotted out, chapter by chapter. I'm still pretty amazed that these three books did so well with no planning at all. Literally I had a basic idea, sat down, and just started typing. Of course the document of notes is pretty impressive now.

I think the best preparation for me is simply being able to bounce my ideas off of my editor, and to top it off editing one of the books at the same time allows me to bounce even more ideas off of her, but more complex ideas.

The editing for Bastian is coming along okay so far, we've come to the conclusion that we'll be going over the books at least three times not including how much I go through before sending it to her. Basically I want this to be immaculate by the time it goes to print. I can't afford to have too many mistakes or continuity issues on my debut, it just looks bad on me as a writer. In the meantime, I'm learning all sorts of particulars about the English language, random stuffs too like dove v. dived (both are correct but dived irks me for some reason). I'm feeling a little strange about the idea that I have a particular writing style, I don't know if I'm proud of it or what, but its something that will be interesting to see in the future.

And so, here's the excerpt that makes my editor "aww" every time. God, I'd be lying if I said I didn't like that scene in the rain, Gale's three word line is the best.

Kat's Favorite )
xhesika: (tealfashion)
For the month of December I'm supposed to be taking a break from writing. I feel a little empty about it with all things considered, I've gotten into the habit of just tapping away at a document whenever I can that I feel strange not working on anything.

So instead I'm looking over the two books that I pushed out over the past two months. I decided to start with Gale since I seem to be in the swing of things. Well its going okay enough...but the more I look at this book the more I realize I wrote something completely heart-wrenching.

The basic idea of the book is to show how the villain became what he is, and ORIGINALLY the idea was that the biggest cause was the relationships Gale had with Marley and Mary, and how somehow it became warped into something with Adam...now looking at it, I think it was really Ritz. How awful.

It had been raining, something that I had long since shrugged off. I could not catch any illness from the rain, it was merely the smallest of hindrances, but Renée came out of her small apartment with an umbrella as if I were about to fall over.

“Monsieur DeWinter, you will catch your death!” She rushed over to me with the umbrella, coughing on her own the entire way over to me in the downpour.

“If only.” I said slowly. She smiled at me, and I could not help but smile back, happy that she seemed to have either forgiven me or forgotten entirely about our conversation the night prior. Either way, I was glad that she was not cross with me. “I am melting,” I managed.

“I can see that.” She took my arm and began to pull me towards her door.

“Not in the physical sense.”


It's sweet, adorable, Gale's been shut off from most everything up until this point in his life and now he's slowly experiencing emotions and is wonderfully unaware of how to show them or relay them to others. So Ritz saves him, right? Gives him a new lease on life, right?

I'm bordering more now on the idea that Ritz damned him. With all the running around the world the two do in trying to stay away from Marley and Mary, Gale ends up becoming even more twisted. So I now look at this story as something awful and tragic, how Gale and Ritz become hardened and manipulative.

I knew this was going to happen, I don't think I ever saw the story THIS way though.

When I wrote Bastian a year ago I didn't mean for my characters to become this complex...I think that's why I didn't care much for it then.
xhesika: (Default)
Gale excerpts below, trigger warnings: blood, gore, vivisection, abuse, necromancy, I'm going to go ahead and say sexual content as well since some of the descriptions get pretty racy.

The relationship between Gale and Ritz has a nice start, but it quickly becomes...unhealthy, I'm just waiting to be ridiculed for writing this book.

To make it worse my mind has been in very dark places during the entire month of November because of this, I am seriously reconsidering my December endeavor.

Here we go... )
xhesika: (bushbride)
Winamp is trolling me, TWICE in one day already.

They were a diversion, merely a diversion, and as Adam took a step back in initial horror before reaching for each of the animals and breaking what necks he could reach without spilling any of their blood I made my own attack.

Winamp's choice: Tom Jones -- It's not unusual

Grimacing and seething with pure hatred for me he pulled the knife from my shoulder and began to hack at me with it, slashing and tearing at my throat and chest, and making a desperate attempt to cause me to pull back from him, for he wanted nothing more than to flee in that moment.

Winamp's choice: Micheal Bublé -- Crazy Love
xhesika: (jazz hands!)
Not for the whole Delilah bit, but for the foxes. I was looking over numerology for Gale and was looking over the number three-hundred. So I see something about foxes and decide to pull out my bible and take a look...

So he comes home from god knows where and his father-in-law is like, "I thought you hated your wife, so i let her shack up with the best man at from your wedding!"

And Samson is like, "WTF M8?"

And his father-in-law is like, "It's okay! Her younger sister is prettier anyways, you can shack up with her!"

And Samson is like, "And you guys wonder why I'm always nerd-raged?"

And then he goes off and CATCHES 300 FOXES WITH HIS BARE HANDS. Individually, all of them lured, took him hours, didn't hurt not-a-one...that is until he TIES TORCHES TO THEIR TAILS AND LIGHTS THEM ON FIRE THEN SENDS THEM INTO THE WHEAT FIELDS.

Then when they come to arrest Samson he's like, "WTF M8, WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?"

And he kills a thousand men with a jawbone that he tears from a donkey that just happens to be lying around, my version of the bible (NKJV) doesn't say if this animal was alive or dead, but w/e, I doubt Samson cared either way.

I don't know if I would call him bad-ass or crazy as hell, but one thing is for sure, I bet PETA was in on arresting him and his downfall.

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