I don't think getting back to Artemis would hurt so much if the content didn't hit so close to home now. I remember writing the absolute devastation of the characters in those final moments and finding myself in tears because of how powerful the ending was. I don't think I'll be able to ever write an ending to rival it. I opened up the document, set on just barreling through, but I've only written about two hundred words, and none of it information vital to the story line. I guess I still need some time.
Yesterday was good, despite the ending. We were all woken in the early hours of the day to a woman pounding on the door screaming fire and instantly everyone is thinking, "holy shit the house is on fire." Matt had been sleeping on the floor and I guess he has rug burns from where he rolled onto his stomach and started doing the army crawl while half asleep (lol). It turns out the house next door was on fire, and so the guys got their shemogs soaked and used them as breathing masks while they banged one doors.
The house had too have been burning for hours, you could see fire in the basement and there was black smoke everywhere, luckily the 90 year old man who lived there is apparently in the hospital, he has dementia, diabetes, and a few other things I think, so he wouldn't have been able to get out of the house very quickly had he been in there.
The fire department took over ten minutes to get there, and they ended up having to come back 4 times throughout the day. Apparently the whole first floor is burned out. The whole house is boarded up now, they think the fire started in the basement. Of course we all have an idea of what happened, but no one knows the exact cause right now.
We had delicious pancakes for breakfast, and chai lattes, and watched movies and did a little running around. The day was prime until the end. We went to visit a friend of Matt and Robbie's who has pancreatitis and is getting a spleen removal on the 29th. I actually started to feel dizzy when Robbie started talking about last June, and by the time we got out of the house on the way to the car I couldn't focus my eyes on anything. I don't want to know how wrecked I looked, apparently it was enough for Robbie to understand what was going on when we were on our way out the door. We ended up coming home and leaving Matt in the living room while Robbie and I laid in bed for a while.
I told him everything, didn't hold back on anything that I was thinking.
I'm still a little teary. I hate this so much. I'm falling apart physically now. I've had to wear my wrist in a splint for the past week, only able to take it off long enough to do dishes and shower, I've had to sleep in it. My wrist started hurting at work the other night and it got to the point where I had to stop for a while, the splint was instant relief. I need to see a doctor about it. I don't want to depend on the splint, already when I take it off I can see the weaker and disheveled looking imprint of it on my arm...it reminds me of those holocaust pictures.
Its harder to sleep all night, I don't have an appatite, and the dreams keep waking me up. To top it off my parents are pestering me about coming to see me and I just don't want to see them. I still feel like they completely abandoned me when I needed them the most, because, well, they did.
I have an appointment at 11 with Kerry, we'll see how I feel after that.
Strangely enough, still one of the better V-Day's I've had.