xhesika: (changed my mind)

She sighs, “Jenna, never emotionally invest yourself in a man, it always ends up messy.”
I snort, “I know.”
She looks at me incredulously.
I sigh, “I let Royce kiss me.”
Ritz moans, “Oh, Jenna! Not a druggie!”
“It was gross. Then I told him it was gross. Now I don’t think we’re on speaking terms.”
She pats me on the back and leans her head back down on my shoulder. “He’ll get over it, or maybe he was high and won’t remember.”
She has such high expectations of Royce….


I have such fun ideas about Gale and Ritz as parents. I think someday I might do little shorts...for personal pleasure. Those along with that WWII thing. I am a fan of Hellsing and what they did with Vampires/Zombies/and Nazis...and so tastefully too....

Something else I'm noticing: after writing two sequels to Bastian and working on the fourth the ending of Bastian is now incredibly tragic to me. I liked it better when it just made the reader angry at the characters, but this is actually really interesting how its filling out.

Also, looks like Jenna is going to be DOUBLE what the other books are at least. Eighth chapter and I'm already 20k words in...and Jenna isn't even on track to go where she needs to be for the book to be HALF over. I am enjoying the writing style, Bastian's cynicism with Gale's observation and vocabulary. Every description is chilling and wonderful.

Will probably find the most chilling thing to post in chapter eight before the night is out. I posted a little on Twitter and got a reply from an Arachnophobe friend that the effect was reached.

Ya know, I never thought I would like writing horror as much as I do.


xhesika: (She Won't Look at You)
New manager at work, her name is Lea and she is wonderful. I adore her. However others not so much? I'm not alone in that I love her and think she's great for the store, but some people think she's too strict? And others just clash completely. But we'll see what happens in the next few days/weeks and who quits.

Speaking of work, I really need to work on my language. Most of the time I'm good about it, but when I start to get tired...well, I don't think even sailors say the things I do. Maybe I should apologize to Tyler for getting on him about that sex change too....

Nah.

Anywho, made food today, onigiri, and I ate every last damn morsel, it was delicious. There is a stash under the bed of goodies, I will take a picture and catalog everything for your viewing pleasure later. Its pretty damn impressive, like the zombie apocalypse stash.

I talked to Christina very briefly today, she worked at the Tim Horton's at the hospital, she's a manager there now. She was talking about setting something up so that she and Samm could come visit me. I'm all teary now and want to see them, I miss everyone so much. And I'm back to feeling dead in this place and don't want anyone to see me like this... At least I have time to psych myself up.

Supposed to be working on Jenna, and I love it, suddenly everything comes together and I realize that everything matches up perfectly with no effort, I don't even know how I pulled that off. But I want to work on Artemis. I love the way Artemis makes me feel...no homo. The trouble is that I've already come to terms with the fact that I would have to start over and re-write a lot to get back into the swing of things, and that would take a while. I need to finish Jenna first, then go back over David, then fine tune Gale, then make sure Jenna works, all the while editing Bastian and moving consecutively.

I'm a busy bunny.

Reading

Apr. 11th, 2012 08:02 am
xhesika: (RedBaron)
Written two years ago, verbatim. This little snippet of dialogue was never changed and has been consistent, Jenna talking about Ms. Helen:

Jenna crossed her arms over her chest, “Because she has nothing better to do, she sucked her life out of her family and they all died.”

WTF.

I need to step away from the computer for a few minutes I think.

xhesika: (tealfashion)
Did some editing on my days off, which is good, I always feel happy after editing.

We're coming up on a monster chapter, the first climax of the book. Both Bastian and David were written with two climaxes, one in the middle, and then one at the end. Gale has a lot more, I should actually go through and count them to be honest, but Jenna is only going to have one because of all the building up to it that has to happen.

So my editor, Kory, and I are sitting around after finishing up Chapter 25, I'm working on Jenna, and she's moving onto Chapter 26 when she all of a sudden goes wide-eyed and weepy.

Before I go on I'll have to tell you something about what is going on in Jenna. Jenna meets Adam, and the two of them hit it off well, I'm going to be weaving in some really demure and simple sweet stuff, but because Jenna is not a sexual character by any means, and is a driven, strong heroine she does not need a man, nor does she get one by the end of the book. All that aside Kory ships them like her OTP, because Gale and Ritz are...kinda messed up when you get into them, and Jenna and Adam are the only pairing that is really understandable.

So Kory found something that Bastian says, and although he doesn't realize who he's saying it about, he's talking about Adam, and the comment he makes is incredibly cold. It was enough for my editor to run to the freezer and pull out a pint of ice cream for about fifteen minutes while I promised that I would write short stories post-Jenna for her.

So while I'm really rather proud of the fact that I was able to basically put my editor into an emotional-ice cream eating coma for a little just based on characters that she's only read about through Bastian (anything she knows about the other books is through ideas that I've bounced off her, she's saving the other books for when she gets to them in the editing process.) I'm not looking forward to when she gets to Jenna and starts getting mad at me for how cynical Jenna is.

But she gets that from her brother really.

In the meantime, I'm having a blast writing again, I need to buckle down and edit the other books in short segments between chapters I think. I shouldn't hold off on writing for so long ever again like I did with this book, it feels too good to write.

"This is the noise that keeps me awake, my head explodes and my body aches."

Ohio

Mar. 18th, 2012 08:59 am
xhesika: (tealfashion)
Probably one of the most shallow things I've ever stated, but I feel less depressed feeling attractive.

So I'm at Tammi's apartment right now, she's at work and I'm working on Jenna (loving it too by the way, omg writing feels so good), I like the apartment even more now that I'm here. When I'm in Waterford I try to dress for the day despite staying in the house, but it's never anything that I would go out of the house in. Today and yesterday I was presentable, like I used to be, and I feel attractive, and it actually makes me feel a little better about myself. Not such a mess. The thing is just that I can't justify getting myself put together like this if I'm not going to see anyone I know, or going to be cooped up in the house all day, and getting posh'ed up when I am just doing that is all the more depressing.

Just need to move, that's what.

There is a hospital not far from the apartments, and I am seriously thinking of going for that. George has guarenteed me a job, but to be honest I am so tired of making so much less than I was at the hospital, I am willing to trade. Better hours, better pay, and more time to write, like last time. It would feel good to get my life back on track.

I saw Samm yesterday, and I was all sorts of proud of myself for not crying.

I called Mr. Black to talk to him yesterday when we were in the car on our way down here, I did start tearing up a bit while talking to him, I like how honest I can be with him, and I really like how he treats me like more of a daughter than my own parents do. I'd love to be a parent like him someday.
xhesika: (tealfashion)
Ritz hums, “Fine then. Remember Jenn-a, no sex…what were the other ones?”
“Drugs?” Gale asks.
“Right, no drugs.”
“Rock and roll?”
Gale.”
Ridiculously in love. Lucky bastards. Here I am, and the only guys I’ve ever known are chumps. Twenty bucks says they’ll be rolling around on the couch once I’m gone, I won’t be hurrying back any time soon.


I wish there were more opportunities to see Gale and Ritz's parenting skills.

Jenna, is perpetually aloooooooone.

xhesika: (Default)
I shake my head quickly, I got un-interested in medicine really quick when I got a hold of Gale’s copy of Grey’s Anatomy and was able to translate one word he had scribbled in Romanian next to a heart diagram: zeamă, juice. More specifically, meat juice.


[2:36:30 PM] Kat Lavisk: ...
[2:36:33 PM] Kat Lavisk: LOL.
[2:36:38 PM] Kat Lavisk: oh... god.
[2:36:38 PM] Jessica Chambers: why would you look at a vampires copy of grey's anatomy?
[2:36:42 PM] Jessica Chambers: just ASKING for trouble
[2:36:47 PM] Jessica Chambers: why why why
[2:36:57 PM] Kat Lavisk: cause it's Jenna
[2:37:10 PM] Jessica Chambers: "oh awesome grey's anatomy, i love these pics"
[2:37:14 PM] Jessica Chambers: yup gale does too
[2:37:53 PM] Kat Lavisk: ...
[2:38:02 PM] Kat Lavisk: that sounds... uh.
[2:38:11 PM] Jessica Chambers: so wrong
[2:38:13 PM] Kat Lavisk: like grey's anatomy is a vampire's playboy.
[2:38:20 PM] Jessica Chambers: LOLOLOLOLOLOL
[2:38:48 PM] Jessica Chambers: dying atm

Artemis

Feb. 26th, 2012 07:37 am
xhesika: (HaloThar)
Friends-only entry to follow, actually, all of the entries from this past week were thrown into friends only and the FB link was put back up (I think). Usually I'm better about it, but I had a period of apathy.

I have a few days off from work and I'm looking to get a bunch of work done on Gale, and then I can back track to David and fix the voice. I decided I wanted to use Mr. Black as my inspiration, and suddenly I understood the character a little more. Bastian is the cynic, Gale is...well, Gale, and David was supposed to be the best friend, but it really isn't enough to base him off. Having this sort of direction is prime.

Speaking of prime, I need to update a couple twitter accounts.

Gao, all puffy and bruised from being a tired klutz all night.

Treats )
I will never not find this story squishy and magical and all sorts of sad-happy.
xhesika: (Default)
And I was eating, I forgot what it was like to get hungry. The days blended together for a while there with work, I was only really eating twice a day. I had four days off and I was eating like crazy...like I used to apparently.

Appointment with the surgeon for Robbie today, we'll see how that goes.

Bastian progress is going, slowly but surely. I don't know if we'll make the deadline for the penguin books competition, and I didn't even plan on saying anything about it here, but what the hell. I haven't really said anything about it to anyone. I just don't usually enter writing contests.... I don't even really know when they're going on. I guess I should try for that more this year.

So back to the whole time off from work bit, I only work one day next week. The paycheck will be suffering, but I'm determined to throw myself into my writing. Its all I have left really. I guess I've got nothing left to lose, all of my practical plans fell through, all I have left are the dreams. I want to take a trip to clear my head, get to a city. Not c-bus, somewhere new where I could just wander and clear my head looking at new things.

Speaking of dreams. I had one around Christmas. No Morpheus. I was wrapped up in turquoise ribbon on the beach gasping for air. I pulled myself out of bed and grabbed my lappy quick to write down the words and descriptions, and to be quite honest that is what I have down for one of my future projects. The whole mermaid returning to the sea. It's going to hit close to home, its going to be a recount of the dreams with him where we were transporting the mermaid.

I was thinking about the dreams, and looking back, and I think...I think Morpheus might have been an angel and I think he was trying to tell me something, or warn me. Or maybe I've cracked at last. So when I had the dream about the ribbon I was pretty freaked out. It was the first dream in a long while, and if it is in the least bit prophetic like the last...I'm in trouble.

I talked to Kyle yesterday, we ended up patching things up slightly. I doubt there will be any more trouble between us. Not for the usual reasons, but because I don't think I'll ever see him to be honest. There will be no opportunity.

I feel overwhelmed for some reason, depressed, but when I take a moment to myself I can't seem to get the thoughts straight.

Might as well use it.

Christmas

Dec. 30th, 2011 05:21 am
xhesika: (Utena)
Robbie and I did Christmas shopping together today, he kept changing his mind on what he wanted so we just ended up going up to Somerset to browse.

Of course I don't think I've really posted anything substantial in a long time.

This is like a bad movie. )
Long story short, okay Christmas, okay family times, happy times with Tammi and the kids.

Melting

Dec. 12th, 2011 04:35 am
xhesika: (She Won't Look at You)
Finishing up a few things on Gale before I go to tackle the two other books in the series. I've come to the conclusion that Jenna, the next and last book, will be the only one in the series that is properly plotted out, chapter by chapter. I'm still pretty amazed that these three books did so well with no planning at all. Literally I had a basic idea, sat down, and just started typing. Of course the document of notes is pretty impressive now.

I think the best preparation for me is simply being able to bounce my ideas off of my editor, and to top it off editing one of the books at the same time allows me to bounce even more ideas off of her, but more complex ideas.

The editing for Bastian is coming along okay so far, we've come to the conclusion that we'll be going over the books at least three times not including how much I go through before sending it to her. Basically I want this to be immaculate by the time it goes to print. I can't afford to have too many mistakes or continuity issues on my debut, it just looks bad on me as a writer. In the meantime, I'm learning all sorts of particulars about the English language, random stuffs too like dove v. dived (both are correct but dived irks me for some reason). I'm feeling a little strange about the idea that I have a particular writing style, I don't know if I'm proud of it or what, but its something that will be interesting to see in the future.

And so, here's the excerpt that makes my editor "aww" every time. God, I'd be lying if I said I didn't like that scene in the rain, Gale's three word line is the best.

Kat's Favorite )
xhesika: (tealfashion)
For the month of December I'm supposed to be taking a break from writing. I feel a little empty about it with all things considered, I've gotten into the habit of just tapping away at a document whenever I can that I feel strange not working on anything.

So instead I'm looking over the two books that I pushed out over the past two months. I decided to start with Gale since I seem to be in the swing of things. Well its going okay enough...but the more I look at this book the more I realize I wrote something completely heart-wrenching.

The basic idea of the book is to show how the villain became what he is, and ORIGINALLY the idea was that the biggest cause was the relationships Gale had with Marley and Mary, and how somehow it became warped into something with Adam...now looking at it, I think it was really Ritz. How awful.

It had been raining, something that I had long since shrugged off. I could not catch any illness from the rain, it was merely the smallest of hindrances, but Renée came out of her small apartment with an umbrella as if I were about to fall over.

“Monsieur DeWinter, you will catch your death!” She rushed over to me with the umbrella, coughing on her own the entire way over to me in the downpour.

“If only.” I said slowly. She smiled at me, and I could not help but smile back, happy that she seemed to have either forgiven me or forgotten entirely about our conversation the night prior. Either way, I was glad that she was not cross with me. “I am melting,” I managed.

“I can see that.” She took my arm and began to pull me towards her door.

“Not in the physical sense.”


It's sweet, adorable, Gale's been shut off from most everything up until this point in his life and now he's slowly experiencing emotions and is wonderfully unaware of how to show them or relay them to others. So Ritz saves him, right? Gives him a new lease on life, right?

I'm bordering more now on the idea that Ritz damned him. With all the running around the world the two do in trying to stay away from Marley and Mary, Gale ends up becoming even more twisted. So I now look at this story as something awful and tragic, how Gale and Ritz become hardened and manipulative.

I knew this was going to happen, I don't think I ever saw the story THIS way though.

When I wrote Bastian a year ago I didn't mean for my characters to become this complex...I think that's why I didn't care much for it then.
xhesika: (Default)
Gale excerpts below, trigger warnings: blood, gore, vivisection, abuse, necromancy, I'm going to go ahead and say sexual content as well since some of the descriptions get pretty racy.

The relationship between Gale and Ritz has a nice start, but it quickly becomes...unhealthy, I'm just waiting to be ridiculed for writing this book.

To make it worse my mind has been in very dark places during the entire month of November because of this, I am seriously reconsidering my December endeavor.

Here we go... )
xhesika: (bushbride)
Winamp is trolling me, TWICE in one day already.

They were a diversion, merely a diversion, and as Adam took a step back in initial horror before reaching for each of the animals and breaking what necks he could reach without spilling any of their blood I made my own attack.

Winamp's choice: Tom Jones -- It's not unusual

Grimacing and seething with pure hatred for me he pulled the knife from my shoulder and began to hack at me with it, slashing and tearing at my throat and chest, and making a desperate attempt to cause me to pull back from him, for he wanted nothing more than to flee in that moment.

Winamp's choice: Micheal Bublé -- Crazy Love
xhesika: (jazz hands!)
Not for the whole Delilah bit, but for the foxes. I was looking over numerology for Gale and was looking over the number three-hundred. So I see something about foxes and decide to pull out my bible and take a look...

So he comes home from god knows where and his father-in-law is like, "I thought you hated your wife, so i let her shack up with the best man at from your wedding!"

And Samson is like, "WTF M8?"

And his father-in-law is like, "It's okay! Her younger sister is prettier anyways, you can shack up with her!"

And Samson is like, "And you guys wonder why I'm always nerd-raged?"

And then he goes off and CATCHES 300 FOXES WITH HIS BARE HANDS. Individually, all of them lured, took him hours, didn't hurt not-a-one...that is until he TIES TORCHES TO THEIR TAILS AND LIGHTS THEM ON FIRE THEN SENDS THEM INTO THE WHEAT FIELDS.

Then when they come to arrest Samson he's like, "WTF M8, WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?"

And he kills a thousand men with a jawbone that he tears from a donkey that just happens to be lying around, my version of the bible (NKJV) doesn't say if this animal was alive or dead, but w/e, I doubt Samson cared either way.

I don't know if I would call him bad-ass or crazy as hell, but one thing is for sure, I bet PETA was in on arresting him and his downfall.
xhesika: (cooking gaga)
Over 11k and still going up, I'm weighing the best way to go about a book like this. I don't think I've ever read a book written from the perspective of the villain where they didn't repent or die by the end.

Belladonna )
In the meantime I press on with NaNoWriMo, I'm a few days ahead, but I don't want to fall behind at all. The trouble is that with what I'm writing I'm having to be very picky with my word choice to make sure that everything falls into plan.

Today was lovely though, and it's not over yet. Robbie left to go further south to see friends and I spent the day with Samm. I have eaten so much sushi down here I'm happier than a kitty.

In other news KiKi is beautiful and her tail is as fluffy as she is wide, I almost want to steal her.

Columbus

Nov. 4th, 2011 09:15 pm
xhesika: (cooking gaga)
After visiting the hospital tonight I've realized a few things about the spot I'm at right now.

I'm in a position where I have been able to do the thing I love and be supported by someone I love. I may go nuts and bored and want a job every now and again, but in the end I'm very happy with being able to write like I love to.

So we're in C-Bus for the weekend, Robbie is leaving tomorrow to go further south for a few days, I meanwhile am staying in the city to visit with family and friends. When we return to Waterford we have the luxury of having the house all to ourselves. We did shopping before leaving, so I am extra interested in all the delicious things that I am going to cook.

Also, 10k into my NaNo project, Gale, and suddenly the story is deviating into much more passionate territory than I had originally planned. I guess I'll never be able to completely control my characters.

Also also, am I the only one who truly believes that FB needs to come down? I know ANON rumors are all over, but it would be nice to show the larger corporations and bigwigs that people in general can still twist the screws.
xhesika: (changed my mind)
I get an absolutely hilarious picture in my head of poor Adam on hands and knees in an alley, begging like his life depends on it for Marley to show SOME sort of couth.

It is by no means finished, but it is in the right tone, which is going to be essential to this book.

A bit from NaNoWriMo )
xhesika: (cooking gaga)
Gale wasn’t interested in leaving the house before Keane and the police arrived, he instead pulled up a chair and sat to the right of Mr. Crawley’s corpse, cigarette in hand, cat in his lap, and sniffing the air curiously every so often. I didn’t stick around to ask him what details his nose was picking up, while he wasn’t bothered with the smell of rotting flesh, I had to rush out of the house for fresh air and the first cigarette in half a month.

Its bad enough scouring the internet for “Necromancy 101”, but its worse when all these sites are citing resources that are in my own library.

I’m going to have to tone down some of the details in the chapters I’m working on, either that or put trigger warnings on them.

Even worse, I’ve been snacking the whole time I’ve been writing.


xhesika: (tealfashion)
I had another interview tonight, this time at meijer's, in a different department than Robbie, but that was what I wanted anyways. Also not a cashier position, so yay. It went well, Robbie came home for lunch and said that Steph, the manager had stated that I'm pretty much a sure thing for the job, they just have to wait for my background check to come back and get me set up with one last interview as a formality.

So yay!

In the meantime, NaNoWriMo is coming up. Originally I had planned to try for a book with seven chapters, basically about a motel through 7 days of the week and the people who stay there. So more of a compilation of interwoven short stories. I have since changed my mind. David is going to be finished by November, I've got the ending worked out in my mind and the plots for the next book in place. I plan on moving on to Gale for NaNoWriMo.

I'm excited to do this, I can't remember ever reading a book from the villain's POV.

In the meantime I think Bastian may be under control, or getting back under control. Things are looking up, but the publication has still been pushed back to after the new year, which is okay with me.

Looking to go to C-Bus on the 5th and 6th of November as well. Robbie is going further south to see friends, and I'mma be crashing at my parent's for those days and visiting with my sister. I need to give Tammi a call so I can crash and give her the presents I've been collecting for her, LOL.

I love that Robbie listens to just as much Maroon 5 as I do...for slightly different reasons, but still!

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