xhesika: (cooking gaga)
Robbie took me out and we got salads and went stargazing, then did a little cleaning and snuggled up to watch movies until dawn. It was nice to take a break from everything with him. I love how snuggly he is.

I posted a hiatus on dA today, I don't know if I'm going to be doing a lot of writing in the next few weeks, but I'm def not going to be putting any of it up. Right now, my writing has become one of the most stressful things in my life, and its because it isn't going anywhere. My biggest dream ever since I was little was to be published, but now that I'm so close, I just keep getting pushed back.

I hate thinking about the lack of progress that has been made, it makes me feel sick. So I'm taking a break from all of it for a couple weeks. Going to be concentrating on spending more time with Robbie. Probably not going to be on the lappy so much, but I'll try to make more entries on my journal. I seem to be slipping on that aspect, and it does help me get my thoughts out. So I need that bit.

I had a really disturbing dream that I went to a passover celebration and the lady said that I had to fast before the dinner so i could get the full effect, then Samm came over and pulled me up into what was I guess my room, then started breaking the heels off of all of my shoes and saying that they wouldn't be good for dancing? I was all sorts of wtf, my shoes! Then I woke up and they were all pretty in the closet.

Maybe I need more shoes.
xhesika: (tealfashion)
No Morpheus, but plenty of kick-ass GaGa...not naked tho, and certainly not dancing on the highway.

She hides in the zoo, in a hidden room below the lion's cage, in animal print vinyl dresses and black heels, but that day she was fighting a force she used to work for. A hidden evil in the bright city that she couldn't venture into anymore.

She hires people to help her decent into a 13 sub-basement lair to--she tells them--exact her revenge on the mob boss that outed her to the feds.

Its a Dante-esque journey for the group, each level has jungles, caverns, moonscapes, and monsters each more terrible than the last.

The final level, the 13th sub-floor, is vacant, and she sends her assassins to the terrace to confront her enemy, but she does not want to exact revenge, she wants to re-join, and she has sent the assassins to the wolves and they are killed immediately, offered as human sacrifice, payment for her entry.

She flees in a series of back exits as they scream for her, and she emerges from the lion's cage in a brisk strut, unhindered by the journey, looking fabulous, and ready to take on the city as she used to.

I approach her that night, at a cafe around a carousel. The city is booming in the dark night. She says not much as I ask to join her, only orders me a mojito with her and gestures to the chair.

I tell her her own story, and she knows that its hers, but she says nothing, then asks for mine.

"I have nothing, and here I am."

xhesika: (Default)
And I was eating, I forgot what it was like to get hungry. The days blended together for a while there with work, I was only really eating twice a day. I had four days off and I was eating like crazy...like I used to apparently.

Appointment with the surgeon for Robbie today, we'll see how that goes.

Bastian progress is going, slowly but surely. I don't know if we'll make the deadline for the penguin books competition, and I didn't even plan on saying anything about it here, but what the hell. I haven't really said anything about it to anyone. I just don't usually enter writing contests.... I don't even really know when they're going on. I guess I should try for that more this year.

So back to the whole time off from work bit, I only work one day next week. The paycheck will be suffering, but I'm determined to throw myself into my writing. Its all I have left really. I guess I've got nothing left to lose, all of my practical plans fell through, all I have left are the dreams. I want to take a trip to clear my head, get to a city. Not c-bus, somewhere new where I could just wander and clear my head looking at new things.

Speaking of dreams. I had one around Christmas. No Morpheus. I was wrapped up in turquoise ribbon on the beach gasping for air. I pulled myself out of bed and grabbed my lappy quick to write down the words and descriptions, and to be quite honest that is what I have down for one of my future projects. The whole mermaid returning to the sea. It's going to hit close to home, its going to be a recount of the dreams with him where we were transporting the mermaid.

I was thinking about the dreams, and looking back, and I think...I think Morpheus might have been an angel and I think he was trying to tell me something, or warn me. Or maybe I've cracked at last. So when I had the dream about the ribbon I was pretty freaked out. It was the first dream in a long while, and if it is in the least bit prophetic like the last...I'm in trouble.

I talked to Kyle yesterday, we ended up patching things up slightly. I doubt there will be any more trouble between us. Not for the usual reasons, but because I don't think I'll ever see him to be honest. There will be no opportunity.

I feel overwhelmed for some reason, depressed, but when I take a moment to myself I can't seem to get the thoughts straight.

Might as well use it.
xhesika: (She Won't Look at You)
I don't know if its my eyesight or what, but I've been losing focus a lot more often. I don't think its my eyesight, the biggest reason being that I immedietly start to daydream and its becoming harder and harder to snap out of.

What's worse is that it doesn't happen when I'm sitting doing nothing, its started to happen when I'm out walking around and doing stuff. Of course when it happens and I'm sitting down I feel like I need to not only close my eyes, but also need to shake myself out of it.

On another note, Morpheus came back. For some reason I still have long hair in my dreams.
xhesika: (cooking gaga)
None with Morpheus, but even having a dream at this point is comforting. I fell asleep around 3 or 4 and the dream was enough to wake me up.

I was at a rummage sale of some sort in an old house, there are tables around the edges of each of the rooms and they are covered in clothes that I'm supposed to be looking through. Snowflake, a cat we had when I was growing up is there with me. Suddenly I look at my phone and I have an FB message that a teenager in Texas, a boy named Alice (yeah) committed suicide. Well I immediately panic and call his girlfriend, but I can't get through.

So I woke up and gave my friend Shelby a text, she has a girlfriend named Alice. Apparently my dreams can't comprehend relationships outside of the boy+girl, so when faced with a girl+girl it overloaded. Alice is fine, but I'm still slightly worried, especially after the dream I had before the break-in with Morpheus.

So I went back to sleep.

We're playing some sort of treasure hunting game. We're looking for three rings. The first has two stones, one red and the other yellow; the next has two stones, one blue and the other green; and the third is just a white stone. So I'm not really taking part in the hunt, but I still manage to find the blue and green one inside a clock during a party. So I put the ring on and I can immediatly control water and talk to animals, which for the location is actually pretty handy. I and a bunch of random people were in a jungle-type setting with a large bungalo in the middle. So I am able to talk to animals and scale through the minecrafty-jungle with the help of the animals.

Sooner or later I piss someone off. Or at least I thought I had at the time. There's suddenly a bounty on my head and a couple other people who are exploring with me are in trouble as well. The thing is tho, the bounty was on my head before people realized that the ring in the clock was missing, so it had nothing to do with that. We escape to a run down leaky tin cottage, and in the corner are these rags covered in water or some weird watery substance, and anything covered by them becomes invisible! Well thats well and good except for the fact that I need at least two to cover me. The other two that were with me are caught, and i immediatly cover myself with the rags and crawl under the stairs to hide.

If doesn't work for long and I am found out by my foot. The person hunting me pulls me up to sit on the stairs and I just start crying like I'm going to die, I actually already knew I wasn't going to, but that didn't stop me from giving him the ring and asking him to make sure that the others who were looking for it never found it.

I don't really know what to make of them, of course I never did in the first place. I wonder if they'll become interactive and reoccuring again.

The Move

Jul. 30th, 2011 12:03 am
xhesika: (She Won't Look at You)
They will be here tomorrow by 11a supposedly to help us get everything packed into the van.

I have this irrational fear that I will die away from my bright city life, but I think it would be worse away from Robbie. Just got to hang in there and figure something out, got to get my shit in print and open up my options.

Ready or not, here I come.


Jul. 28th, 2011 01:13 pm
xhesika: (Slam)
I've set out the sequel ideas for Ritzko, and I think I actually like where it's going.

1st Installment -- The Final Commission of Bastian Freeman -- written

Bastian takes on a job that may be too much for him to handle and ends up in deeper trouble than he realizes, from the POV of Bastian Freeman.

2nd Installment -- From the Desk of Detective David Johnson -- in progress

The events from Bastian's initial disappearance to when Jenna is adopted, from the POV of David Johnson.

3rd Installment -- Gale DeWinter's Army -- planned

After Jenna's adoption, Gale and Ritz easily keep their involvement in Bastian's disappearance from Jenna, but the rest of the clan is cryptic, Gale begins to doubt Ritz, from the POV of Gale DeWinter.

(totally can't wait to write all the flapper goodness Paris flashbacks)

4th Installment -- Unmasking Ritz --planned

7 years after Bastian's disappearance, Jenna inherits everything her brother has left her and begins an investigation of her own, from the POV of Jenna Freeman

Here's the challenge for myself: the first book runs 50~51k words and just under 200 pages, I am going to limit myself and make an attempt to make each book as uniform in size as possible, while keeping the same writing style for each of them. All will be written like you're inside the narrator's head, and all of them will have unique personalities. I'm excited for the project, and slightly leery of the challenge, but, hey, I wrote the original in 10 days, should be a snap, right?

I dream when I write.
xhesika: (tealfashion)
It was the last dream I had with him in it that I am certain it was him:

It was an obstacle course of sorts, we were rushing through a sort of underground tunnel with a handful of wooden stakes that we were pushing into holes in the ground. almost like a mine shaft really. we come across a wild pig of sorts, and his first argument is that it's dangerous and needs to be killed, but i want it as a pet, so he allows me to take it in, and we finish the race in 2nd or 3rd place. i don't remember which.

Then, one I had before the break in:

I feel asleep very briefly, and I was being attacked by a monster. a zombie looking thing was trying to eat me, and Morpheus was rushing over and screaming for me to wake up, trying to pry her off of me.

He looked just like Van Dean. I woke up and after that I didn't have a dream with him in it. I almost worry that he got hurt? They're only dreams though, but I still have to wonder. He didn't show up for any of my nightmares in the past week, he might have been there for all i know, he's taken other forms before, and now that I think about it I really do think he was there, just choosing not to make himself known.

The most recent:

A man covered in a burlap robe has two brown paper bags, and is in my back yard. He beckons me over and I look into one of the bags and there's penny! I pick her up out of it in a fit of smiles and laughs and snuggle her close.

I think that was Morpheus. I haven't dreamt since.
xhesika: (tealfashion)
I don't really know how to begin, so I'm just going to dive into it.

Everything has happened so fast, I just don't know how to react. Almost like I would rather go numb and let everything happen. everything just happens.

the funeral was lovely really. she was the first corpse I  saw that didn't look plastic. although i suppose its wrong of me to call her that. she found her blue outfit I suppose. the one i remember her looking for. with the small pink polka dots. the adema had gotten bad, she was rather puffy still.

on the way back from the funeral I agitated things, i told robbie i just couldn't move out of the city. i felt awful for saying it immediatly. with as many things that happened that day he really didn't need me to be wishy washy about the move.

i feel helpless.

we set things straight i suppose, the move is so far planned for july 27, but i have no problem in telling my job to bugger off before then if need be.

but the icing on the cake (or rather the cherry on top, as rob's grandmother's death was the icing), is that when we returned home there was no water. Not because the bill hadn't been paid, but because while we were gone someone broke into the other side of the double, turned off the water, and stole the copper piping.

my house isn't livable. and now i'm a nomad with my bag and my laptop, and a cat on a harness and leash that is living at my parent's house for the time being. that is until the dogs get to her like they tried to earlier.

and now i feel like i'm about to cry, but i just can't get to it. like too many things have happened and i really do just want to let go and curl into a ball and let robbie take care of me like he wanted to. but up north i'll be useless, with no job to help support us, and i still don't feel up to writing, what good am i?

i suppose it got around at work what happened. of course that is my fault, no one elses. I sat at the table and outright said that after the week i had, rob's grandmother's death was hopefully the end, and when they asked about the rest of the week i flat out told them. and they asked, and wondered, why hadn't i said anything before?

i saw a FB message when i logged on earlier today from someone wishing me well. that's all well and good, but i didn't tell anyone at work (save Cammy and Margo) what was going on when it was going on because I don't trust them. i spent the past year and a half putting myself out there and trying to make friends and became outright ostracized from everyone.

i tell myself constantly that i need to be more outgoing, that i need to pull myself out of my shell, but then i look back at all i've done and it frustrates me that I HAVE, I certainly have. But i just don't understand why. but i'm slightly glad all the same. i owe them nothing, no explanation, no thanks, no regrets. just pack up what little i have left and let robbie carry me away.

alright, i think i feel up to crying now.
xhesika: (tealfashion)
Was nothing short of a nightmare, and it looks like its going to bleed into this week.

My house was broken into on the 21st, my family was out of the state for that whole week. The computers were stolen and even though they decided to tear out the speakers, headphones, keyboards, and microphones, they decided that they should just take all the jump drives that had Artemis saved on them. I still have Ritzko, I suppose that's a blessing in disguise. Luckily I had emailed most of Artemis Book 1 to myself to read at work, so I will only have to rewrite the last chapter and the afterword.

I managed to get through work without breaking down in front of my coworkers, but to tell the truth I did have a patient that I found crying at 5 am and I ended up sitting with him and bawling my eyes out right next to him.

My boss has been amazing through everything, however I haven't told her yet that Robbie and I do plan on moving back to Michigan. We're waiting on his job to transfer and we've worked the budget to allow us to live on his salary alone for as long as we need to (while I'm unemployed). I have only told one of my coworkers what happened, and only because she had her house broken into last summer and I felt was the only one who really understood what I was going through. The others know nothing, and I don't plan on telling them anything until I leave, if then.

I stayed at Tammi's house one night, I'll probably do a lot of crashing there this coming week, what was a 6-day stretch of time off has become an 8-day stretch because guess what? To top off the week, Robbie's grandmother passed this morning around 4, and the worst part is that I don't have the strength to cry anymore, even when something really warrants tears. I know how close he was to her, when he said she was back in the hospital with her usual UTI CHF, I figured she would be right as rain and back home when we moved up there. So I work tonight and took vacation for the next two days. Hopefully I can pick up some time around the hospital in the stretch to save up money.

Penelope is still missing, and her sister is all out stressed and lonely now. She cries a lot, can't keep down food, I'm worried about the both of them. So we're taking Persephone up to Michigan with us for the funeral because we don't want to leave her alone for too long, she snuggled up to me for most of last night. I have faith still that we will find Penny, the biggest reason being that we have posters all over the damn place that offer a reward of $100 for her return, along with a picture of her. To be honest, she should be easy to spot, her fur is longer than any other stray, and her coloring is rather unique. It makes me feel better when I see people I've never met combing the area for her, calling out for her, $100 is a small price to pay for her if it gets her home. I know Robbie is lonely without her.

One of the only good things that happened this past week was when my sister came home from vacation and set right all of the mess between me and my parents, she then proceeded to buy me a new laptop, which I am typing this on right now. I'm in the midst of recovering my lost music, but it looks like I may have to wait a bit to get my Sailor Moon replaced, which kinda sucks because I could really use a good laugh right about now. Artemis Book 1 is in its own little folder on here, but I haven't put much work into finishing it yet. I'm still a little numb from the whole experience.

I guess I should start getting cleaned up for work? I have a few hours still, but there is packing to be done if I plan on leaving in the morning for Michigan for the funeral.
xhesika: (Default)
The house was robbed and they took my computer and flash drive.

I came home ALONE to everything gone and turned up-side-down. I have the first 50 chapters on my e-mail, but unless by some miracle we find they tossed a drive somewhere...I will either give up on Artemis or start the last 25 chapters from scratch. I don't even know right now.

To top it off one of the cats got out, she's still missing, and she's afraid of everything.

I'm at my parent's right now, they're away on a family vacation, and when I called them to ask them for help, I was met with no support at all. After talking with Robbie we decided that the best thing to do would be to save up enough to get us back to Michigan with his family. They immediately offered us a place to stay while we got back to our feet. Robbie is working on getting his job transferred, I would be starting from scratch with my school loans to pay...of course he keeps telling me that he'll support me for as long as he has to, even if I never go back to work.

All the sweet things make me cry even more.

At least I get internet on my phone, so my email is raintree.willow@gmail.com, my phone number is 614-580-4551. Text, call, email. It makes me even sadder that most of the people that I've been there for here aren't there for me. I'm lucky to have friends who live far away that I email, who listen to me, but I don't think I'll ever stop crying.

I feel like I'm living that moment of coming home over and over again.

Don't comment on here, I won't be checking my LJ for a LONG while.
xhesika: (cooking gaga)
I went to visit the friend's father. It was random happenstance. We usually visit him when we have an issue with the car, or if we're going to our chinese place (really I hang out with him more than I do the old friend). He's doing well, but I can't help but think he's forced into a lot of things he really shouldn't be. Seems almost like apathy is thrust upon him. Of three children, all of which ought to have their own places, only one is moved out and I wouldn't even call it that for certain. The oldest son is the only one who doesn't live there, but his three children spend most of their time there.

He's in the process of getting a new house despite renovating the one he's in now, its looking nice, the kitchens is all hand crafted cabinets and is gorgeous, but I have to wonder if its what he really wants or if its what he feels forced to do.

TBH I feel like his other two kids need to move the fuck out and let him and his wife have some time without them.

I think if he lost everything he would simply do his normal sigh and hang his head before going to the front porch for a cigarette. Then again, I've never seen him pushed to the edge, I don't think he has an edge, I think it might have been ground down by his wife.

Still I walked through the house almost apprehensive of it, worried that any moment the lights would flicker and when they returned the house would be ransacked. My imagination runs away with my paranoia.

Morpheus worries for nothing, he wouldn't hurt me, and he's never become that.

Wow, this is a judgmental entry.


May. 29th, 2011 08:38 am
xhesika: (changed my mind)
Morpheus and I are outside a friend's house. Not a close friend, well not close anymore, I'm closer to her father than anyone else anymore. But we're outside the house and across the street looking at it and it looks old and torn apart.

Morpheus tells me that it's had a series of break-ins over the past week, literally one every five to ten minutes (you'd think there would be nothing left to steal). So with this in mind, guess where we go?

The door is open when we go to it, and the family is there, but they haven't been staying there for very long periods of time at once. One of the sons says that they've been staying at his apartment. I don't even know where my friend is at this point, or her mother, all I see is the two boys, the father, and Morpheus beside me.

The father is sitting in the corner, looking broken, and staring into a small computer mouse in his hands.

I was going to go over to him to comfort him, but Morpheus holds my arm tight and keeps me back, "He's lost everything, he'll quickly snap."

And sure enough he does, and when he snaps I can no longer find the boys, it's just me and Morpheus in the room with a man that looks almost rabid.

I swear, I didn't touch my copy of Inferno before I went to bed. I've been immersed in Lolita for the past few days.
xhesika: (Default)
Immediately following my mood swing this morning, I cut my hair.

Well just the front, the back still comes to below my waist, but I did trim the ends thoroughly.

So I've got some posh-katy-perry-ish thing going on which I'm pulling out my headband collection for, and I went to Charming Charlie and nearly died. That place is HEAVEN! SO gorgeous and shiny! I picked up a few headbands from there.

I need to open up a little, I find myself too timid most of the time, I need to just throw myself out there.

I also probably need to see a therapist. With all the dreams and everything going on right now as far as my frustration with work I think a checkup on my mental health wouldn't hurt. ESPECIALLY with the dreams. Morpheus is not letting up.
xhesika: (Default)
...I've been working my way into a depression. I can't seem to shake it no matter how many times Cee Lo Green says Fuck You.

Normally I don't pay it any attention when I get these bouts, but when I actually sit and think about it, its always there.

Samm says, "Finish Artemis." Kyle says, "Finish Artemis." Now I have Kat saying, "Finish Artemis."

It used to be that I thought Morpheus would stop the visits if I finished, but that isn't the case at all it seems.

I'm nearing the final chapter of Book 1, and I have all of Book 2 to write before the story is over for  the reader (Book 3 will never be seen by the public), and while I have a ways to go I'm feeling almost broken.

I have a problem.

I feel like if I do finish Artemis I will be useless, no other story really entrances me.

And these thoughts take me to very dark places.

I need to take a walk.

Good Dreams

Apr. 6th, 2011 06:38 am
xhesika: (changed my mind)
My meeting on Wednesday went well, of course then I got home exhausted because I hadn't slept yet, and immediately had another dream. Now they're coming faster and more often, but I'm not scared anymore. I think I just needed someone to tell me it wasn't malicious.

So there's that, and then there's the rest of it. While its nothing bad and I was told that there is apparently no evil spirit around me at all, the woman I talked to does NOT think that this is anyone who has crossed over, or even an angel. Still not afraid though, of course the three dreams that I've had since last Wednesday were the usual Sisyphean tasks, but they weren't anything that made me wake up crying. They were more the Captain Hook sort.

That being said, I don't think I'll be posting many more dreams online here, they've become a little too personal to just throw out there unless I find them either particularly amusing or revelatory. I'm quickly finding that whatever it is that is invading my dreams is quickly becoming a friend.
xhesika: (She Won't Look at You)
I have an appointment with Brenda Frazier this Wednesday, she was referred to me by someone at work, and although I know that interpreting dreams may not be her specialty, I feel like even if she can give me some sort of insight to the spirit world I'll feel a little less terrified of my dreams. Then there's also the worry that half an hour may not be enough, in which case I might actually make a second appointment if I'm satisfied with how she manages things.

Either way I know that I'm long overdue for seeing someone about these dreams, I shouldn't have waited for them to get so frequent. I'm just glad that the more creepy ones have died down, the whole ordeal with the Tiffany's and the swimming dream were a little too much for me.

I'm more worried that I'm drifting back into old habits and ways of thinking and I can't justify not. I guess some things are too private for even a journal that no one reads.

Another worrying revelation: she'll probably be able to sense my growing despondence.
xhesika: (bambi)
I got the call back from the lady in Pickerington, my appointment is next Wednesday at 4-430. Hopefully she'll be able to give me some insight to all of these dreams.Of course I would be the mumbling idiot that she wouldn't be able to understand on the answering machine.

Robbie and I have noticed recently that Persephone is getting really, really FAT. We thought originally that Penelope was the pig, but we seem to be sorely mistaken. I personally believe it was all the canned cat food that we bought; I had planned to save it and give it to them only as a treat and then I found out that Robbie had been giving them a can EVERY DAY WHEN HE CAME HOME FROM WORK. LOL. I can't be mad at him really, but no canned cat food for kitties for a long loooooong while. He of course believes that Persephone's been eating too much chicken. She does get into the trash sometimes (trash that is waiting for Robbie to take out), and I've been eating her favorite hot chicken wings...

So Persephone is all round and fast and adorable, I would have never thought such a fat kitty would be able to run so fast.

I worked last night and I'm back for one tonight and another tomorrow, then I get to prepare for a 4-day 12h shift stretch followed immediately by a 8h shift, but this should put me on a nicer rotation where I'll be able to spend Samm's days off with her, and I'll be able to spend time with Robbie as well now that he's gotten his days off switched. Plus I'll still be getting weekend night shit pay, which makes up for about $250 of my paycheck alone. I really like the floor after the acuity of winter, the people on the floor are slowly becoming the more independent sort, and other than a few depressing stories, they're really nice and make me feel happy to go to work.

Of course I still need to get started on this whole book publishing thing, the only trouble is that I can't seem to get into Ritzko enough to edit it, and in the end I may just end up giving the file to Samm to look at, she's pretty much taken over the whole Artemis project anyways (we've made amazing progress on it, she's read and edited everything up to chapter 50 without that chapter obviously).

And I think I want olives right now, my supply is getting low, I found a store that will allow me to buy big black olives with pits in large amounts and I need to go get some more sometime soon.
xhesika: (changed my mind)
Dream 1:

I was part of an impoverished family, more children than would fit in this little house and yet I only saw one of them, just a toddler bumbling around without supervision, but apparently that was okay? I wasn't interested in him, or any of the family actually, I was more interested on this kit I had received. A kit to grow a tree.

So I plant the tree in the little pot that came with the kit and set the timer for 4 hours (because apparently this tree could grow to full size in 4 hours), so I went off to wander around in that time (I really wish I hadn't I kind of wanted to see it grow), and when I got back it was a fucking full-sized Christmas tree with little red poinsettia lights, each with a strange fruit on them, ripe and ready to be plucked. So I took one, but before I could eat it everyone was called into the front yard.

My dream family got fucking evicted. Really? How lame. So we go on this journey down a dirt road surrounded by cornfields to search for a new home. (So now I'm a hobo)

We get to the city, but the city is a building, one big circular building reaching up a hundred stories, however it's been sliced down the middle and half of it is shrouded in black curtains, just like in one of my earlier dreams.

We split up, need to meet back in a few hours, but for now I'm allowed to go off on my own. I know where I want to go, and I dart to the shrouded area.

It's a jungle. There is literally a jungle behind the curtain and almost immediately where I'm standing there's a mine cart on a track going upwards. Without a hesitating thought (maybe only a memory of going up the ladders in my earlier dreams) I jump into the car and begin my ascent, starting slow then going faster, pummeling through bramble and small pygmy towns, and before I know it CAPTAIN HOOK HAS JUST FUCKING JUMPED INTO THE CART WITH ME.

"Where we going?"

"Crazy I think."

"Sounds fun."

I swear we sped up, and I reach up to the front edge of the cart and hold onto it, Captain Hook is now bracing his hands on the sides, "Where's the break?"

"I think I lost it somewhere." I never actually had one.

"Of course."

We keep flying along the cart tracks and we take out all sorts of creature, nothing can withstand our roadkill powers, we even took out a herd of alligators. Then the track is on a river and we're about to be thrown over the waterfall, but the instant we go over the edge I'm back in the City building, flying--no plummeting--down the center and we crash into the other side.

So Captain Hook and I brush ourselves off and we have a formal introduction and that's when I notice it. Every single citizen of the city is an actor or actress. I saw Brad Pitt, Nicole Kidman, it just went on and on.

So Captain Hook is hungry, so we go to the food court type area thingy, and everyone is buying sandwiches. Ridiculously expensive sandwiches that really are only mayo and lettuce on wonderbread. So Captain Hook gets one but all I really want is water, so we settle into a little table, and Captain Hook starts making comments about random people who are passing. So the cast of Harry Potter is there, but the only one we're really watching is Rupert Grint (Ron Weasley) who WILL NOT STOP picking his nose.

A kid comes over to our table and SPITS IN MY WATER. I'm completely appalled and pull my foot back when the kid goes to spit on my shoe. Then this whole ordeal becomes some messed-up chase around the table where he's trying to spit on me? I'm more terrified of this person than I understand and I slip. I'm bent over backwards on the table, Captain Hook has stood up and His appearance begins to change, just like it had in dreams before. The kid is holding me down onto the table, not going to spit, but just looking menacing.

He socks him. Square in the jaw. He's come back and He takes my hand and pulls me up, asking if I'm alright. My clothes have changed, I'm wearing some long sea-foam green coat-ish-duster-thing and I glance back at Rupert Grint and Emma Watson before, He pulls me out of that place by the hand and for some reason He looks desperate and worried.

Dream 2:

I've been watching waaay too many cartoons or something: I'm walking down the sidewalk of a cartoon setting, my purse in the crook of my arm and my phone open in my hands. I'm texting someone and I'm mad as hell. I have no idea what I'm so angry about , He's texting me back with nothing but apologies, but I have no idea what He's apologizing for.

[Chapter 50: Absolution was written after this, and all the old dialogue was opened up, I think that may have something to do with this.]

Dream 3:

I'm going on a date, very black and white, and I'm searching for my little black dress, but all I can find are these really tacky jeans. He's waiting downstairs, Samm is trying to keep Him occupied with conversation but I can feel His eyes drifting to the ceiling. After about 20 minutes of shuffling through clothes, I eventually say "Fuck it" and grab my skinny jeans and a t-shirt.

I jump down the stairs and walk out the door with Him and get into His car, we're driving along, I don't remember what we were talking about but I changed the topic:

"When I'm dead, will I be stuck in this place?"

"What do you mean?"

"When I die, what will happen?"

"It's oblivion, you don't want that."

"Then what is this?"

"A fashion nightmare."

"At least my jeans aren't made from a carpet."

He just started laughing, really hard, and I can't help but laugh too.

On the same note: I never got the call back from when I made the appointment, I can't say I blame her, I know that it's one of those things where you're allowed to be more selective on your clients. So I'm back to hunting for someone who can help me weed through all of these dreams and find out who this person is and more importantly, why they've been in all my dreams for the past two years.
xhesika: (Caspius Van Dean)
Texting dream officially makes sense to me. If I'm getting to a point in the story where one of the character's dialogue makes me want to cry and throw up at the same time it only makes sense that they apologize profusely in a dream.

None of the dialogue between Van Dean and Artemis is in the excerpt below, but it gives you a pretty good idea what bargains they're making. I'm leery of putting much of anything up on DA, or LJ at this point. The material certainly isn't as graphic as Chapter 50, but its crude and grim. Then there's the whole scene coming up where Van Dean does an excellent job of showing how serious he is over everything and I need to be careful with it or it could turn into another missing chunk of pages

Quid Pro Quo )


xhesika: (Default)

August 2012

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