xhesika: (tealfashion)
No Morpheus, but plenty of kick-ass GaGa...not naked tho, and certainly not dancing on the highway.

She hides in the zoo, in a hidden room below the lion's cage, in animal print vinyl dresses and black heels, but that day she was fighting a force she used to work for. A hidden evil in the bright city that she couldn't venture into anymore.

She hires people to help her decent into a 13 sub-basement lair to--she tells them--exact her revenge on the mob boss that outed her to the feds.

Its a Dante-esque journey for the group, each level has jungles, caverns, moonscapes, and monsters each more terrible than the last.

The final level, the 13th sub-floor, is vacant, and she sends her assassins to the terrace to confront her enemy, but she does not want to exact revenge, she wants to re-join, and she has sent the assassins to the wolves and they are killed immediately, offered as human sacrifice, payment for her entry.

She flees in a series of back exits as they scream for her, and she emerges from the lion's cage in a brisk strut, unhindered by the journey, looking fabulous, and ready to take on the city as she used to.

I approach her that night, at a cafe around a carousel. The city is booming in the dark night. She says not much as I ask to join her, only orders me a mojito with her and gestures to the chair.

I tell her her own story, and she knows that its hers, but she says nothing, then asks for mine.

"I have nothing, and here I am."

xhesika: (Default)
And I was eating, I forgot what it was like to get hungry. The days blended together for a while there with work, I was only really eating twice a day. I had four days off and I was eating like crazy...like I used to apparently.

Appointment with the surgeon for Robbie today, we'll see how that goes.

Bastian progress is going, slowly but surely. I don't know if we'll make the deadline for the penguin books competition, and I didn't even plan on saying anything about it here, but what the hell. I haven't really said anything about it to anyone. I just don't usually enter writing contests.... I don't even really know when they're going on. I guess I should try for that more this year.

So back to the whole time off from work bit, I only work one day next week. The paycheck will be suffering, but I'm determined to throw myself into my writing. Its all I have left really. I guess I've got nothing left to lose, all of my practical plans fell through, all I have left are the dreams. I want to take a trip to clear my head, get to a city. Not c-bus, somewhere new where I could just wander and clear my head looking at new things.

Speaking of dreams. I had one around Christmas. No Morpheus. I was wrapped up in turquoise ribbon on the beach gasping for air. I pulled myself out of bed and grabbed my lappy quick to write down the words and descriptions, and to be quite honest that is what I have down for one of my future projects. The whole mermaid returning to the sea. It's going to hit close to home, its going to be a recount of the dreams with him where we were transporting the mermaid.

I was thinking about the dreams, and looking back, and I think...I think Morpheus might have been an angel and I think he was trying to tell me something, or warn me. Or maybe I've cracked at last. So when I had the dream about the ribbon I was pretty freaked out. It was the first dream in a long while, and if it is in the least bit prophetic like the last...I'm in trouble.

I talked to Kyle yesterday, we ended up patching things up slightly. I doubt there will be any more trouble between us. Not for the usual reasons, but because I don't think I'll ever see him to be honest. There will be no opportunity.

I feel overwhelmed for some reason, depressed, but when I take a moment to myself I can't seem to get the thoughts straight.

Might as well use it.
xhesika: (She Won't Look at You)
I don't know if its my eyesight or what, but I've been losing focus a lot more often. I don't think its my eyesight, the biggest reason being that I immedietly start to daydream and its becoming harder and harder to snap out of.

What's worse is that it doesn't happen when I'm sitting doing nothing, its started to happen when I'm out walking around and doing stuff. Of course when it happens and I'm sitting down I feel like I need to not only close my eyes, but also need to shake myself out of it.

On another note, Morpheus came back. For some reason I still have long hair in my dreams.
xhesika: (cooking gaga)
None with Morpheus, but even having a dream at this point is comforting. I fell asleep around 3 or 4 and the dream was enough to wake me up.

I was at a rummage sale of some sort in an old house, there are tables around the edges of each of the rooms and they are covered in clothes that I'm supposed to be looking through. Snowflake, a cat we had when I was growing up is there with me. Suddenly I look at my phone and I have an FB message that a teenager in Texas, a boy named Alice (yeah) committed suicide. Well I immediately panic and call his girlfriend, but I can't get through.

So I woke up and gave my friend Shelby a text, she has a girlfriend named Alice. Apparently my dreams can't comprehend relationships outside of the boy+girl, so when faced with a girl+girl it overloaded. Alice is fine, but I'm still slightly worried, especially after the dream I had before the break-in with Morpheus.

So I went back to sleep.

We're playing some sort of treasure hunting game. We're looking for three rings. The first has two stones, one red and the other yellow; the next has two stones, one blue and the other green; and the third is just a white stone. So I'm not really taking part in the hunt, but I still manage to find the blue and green one inside a clock during a party. So I put the ring on and I can immediatly control water and talk to animals, which for the location is actually pretty handy. I and a bunch of random people were in a jungle-type setting with a large bungalo in the middle. So I am able to talk to animals and scale through the minecrafty-jungle with the help of the animals.

Sooner or later I piss someone off. Or at least I thought I had at the time. There's suddenly a bounty on my head and a couple other people who are exploring with me are in trouble as well. The thing is tho, the bounty was on my head before people realized that the ring in the clock was missing, so it had nothing to do with that. We escape to a run down leaky tin cottage, and in the corner are these rags covered in water or some weird watery substance, and anything covered by them becomes invisible! Well thats well and good except for the fact that I need at least two to cover me. The other two that were with me are caught, and i immediatly cover myself with the rags and crawl under the stairs to hide.

If doesn't work for long and I am found out by my foot. The person hunting me pulls me up to sit on the stairs and I just start crying like I'm going to die, I actually already knew I wasn't going to, but that didn't stop me from giving him the ring and asking him to make sure that the others who were looking for it never found it.

I don't really know what to make of them, of course I never did in the first place. I wonder if they'll become interactive and reoccuring again.
xhesika: (Default)
The first week we were here was taken up mostly by the trip up to Oscoda, which I did take many nice nature-y pictures which I will have to upload onto FB or put in an LJ cut. The picture quality on my new phone is much nicer than the last I had (which I did expect), but what made my day was the fact that despite us forgetting the internet MiFi verizon adapter, I still had internet wherever I got a cell phone signal, so I was able to keep in touch with people through texts.

I got my fishing license, I caught a fish, I learned how to clean a fish, but we couldn't eat them because they had lots and lots of worms. I also shot of a few guns, and I decided that my aim is terrible and I need something with little to no kickback, or a LOT of aim practice.

The night before last we managed to get Ryan over here for the night because Robbie needed to stay up to get his schedule back on track for work. Robbie fell asleep several times, but Ryan and I stayed up the whole night playing games. I also got re-situated with a copy of the Sims 2, which will be a nice outlet for a while (I'll get to why in a few).

So Ryan is grounded, and after talking with him for a little I'm actually more surprised that he isn't more grounded. He has a lot of self control for having to deal with everything that is going on with him right now, I don't think his dad really sees it, but I'm not a parent and I have no right to say anything really, but I do think that if Rick and Teresa knew what was going on they would have a lot more to say to their other children.

So about the MiFi really quick. It has a limit on kB/sec. MEANING, I can't skype call, I can't torrent, and I can't LiveStream here. In order to do any of those I need to go to Rick and Teresa's (who have wonderful internet BTW) and I feel rather awkward to go there and pull out my lappy. But w/e. Robbie has talked to his dad about adding internet onto his coverage and paying the difference, the problem is that it's satellite and will probably be buggy, but it's something.

About yesterday, being unemployed has started to set in, and me, with my already quite obvious issue with being useful, started to feel like crap...to the point where I wore myself out crying and then cried myself to sleep. It doesn't help that any of the things that I used to do to get myself out of a rut were impossible to do. And I'm getting teary just now thinking about it. There's no tea salons, no Samm to run around with, no skyping, I am feeling trapped. And to top it off I'm dreaming again. But no dreams with Morpheus, that might have been a comfort, I get the strange cryptic kind.

Of course regardless of the fact that I spent the last year and a half taking care of crazy patients and families of people who were dying, I am apparently not considered experienced in customer service and retail, so any job I apply for I don't have much hope in getting. This of course hasn't stopped me from applying anywhere I can. I really did have my eyes set on the new Charming Charlie, but I doubt I'll get a call from them. I just have to wait for some kind of response.

Robbie did have a good first day at work, he got out on time regardless of them being understaffed by 3 people, and said that the labor was handled much differently than it was in C-Bus. His shift isn't forced to do the work of the other shifts, and if they are running short the management isn't worried about conditioning to give the illusion of the shelves being full, they just want the product up there. So Robbie came home laughing and we talked for a while and then I looked at the clock (which at the time read 730 or so) and I told him that the people in C-Bus were probably still hard at work.

I just want a job, something to occupy myself with. Sims 2 will get old quick. I think I may pull out my paints and canvas today. We're supposed to go meet with the owner of the small grocery store down the street today, hopefully that will bring some good news.
xhesika: (tealfashion)
It was the last dream I had with him in it that I am certain it was him:

It was an obstacle course of sorts, we were rushing through a sort of underground tunnel with a handful of wooden stakes that we were pushing into holes in the ground. almost like a mine shaft really. we come across a wild pig of sorts, and his first argument is that it's dangerous and needs to be killed, but i want it as a pet, so he allows me to take it in, and we finish the race in 2nd or 3rd place. i don't remember which.

Then, one I had before the break in:

I feel asleep very briefly, and I was being attacked by a monster. a zombie looking thing was trying to eat me, and Morpheus was rushing over and screaming for me to wake up, trying to pry her off of me.

He looked just like Van Dean. I woke up and after that I didn't have a dream with him in it. I almost worry that he got hurt? They're only dreams though, but I still have to wonder. He didn't show up for any of my nightmares in the past week, he might have been there for all i know, he's taken other forms before, and now that I think about it I really do think he was there, just choosing not to make himself known.

The most recent:

A man covered in a burlap robe has two brown paper bags, and is in my back yard. He beckons me over and I look into one of the bags and there's penny! I pick her up out of it in a fit of smiles and laughs and snuggle her close.

I think that was Morpheus. I haven't dreamt since.
xhesika: (cooking gaga)
I went to visit the friend's father. It was random happenstance. We usually visit him when we have an issue with the car, or if we're going to our chinese place (really I hang out with him more than I do the old friend). He's doing well, but I can't help but think he's forced into a lot of things he really shouldn't be. Seems almost like apathy is thrust upon him. Of three children, all of which ought to have their own places, only one is moved out and I wouldn't even call it that for certain. The oldest son is the only one who doesn't live there, but his three children spend most of their time there.

He's in the process of getting a new house despite renovating the one he's in now, its looking nice, the kitchens is all hand crafted cabinets and is gorgeous, but I have to wonder if its what he really wants or if its what he feels forced to do.

TBH I feel like his other two kids need to move the fuck out and let him and his wife have some time without them.

I think if he lost everything he would simply do his normal sigh and hang his head before going to the front porch for a cigarette. Then again, I've never seen him pushed to the edge, I don't think he has an edge, I think it might have been ground down by his wife.

Still I walked through the house almost apprehensive of it, worried that any moment the lights would flicker and when they returned the house would be ransacked. My imagination runs away with my paranoia.

Morpheus worries for nothing, he wouldn't hurt me, and he's never become that.

Wow, this is a judgmental entry.


May. 29th, 2011 08:38 am
xhesika: (changed my mind)
Morpheus and I are outside a friend's house. Not a close friend, well not close anymore, I'm closer to her father than anyone else anymore. But we're outside the house and across the street looking at it and it looks old and torn apart.

Morpheus tells me that it's had a series of break-ins over the past week, literally one every five to ten minutes (you'd think there would be nothing left to steal). So with this in mind, guess where we go?

The door is open when we go to it, and the family is there, but they haven't been staying there for very long periods of time at once. One of the sons says that they've been staying at his apartment. I don't even know where my friend is at this point, or her mother, all I see is the two boys, the father, and Morpheus beside me.

The father is sitting in the corner, looking broken, and staring into a small computer mouse in his hands.

I was going to go over to him to comfort him, but Morpheus holds my arm tight and keeps me back, "He's lost everything, he'll quickly snap."

And sure enough he does, and when he snaps I can no longer find the boys, it's just me and Morpheus in the room with a man that looks almost rabid.

I swear, I didn't touch my copy of Inferno before I went to bed. I've been immersed in Lolita for the past few days.
xhesika: (Default)
Immediately following my mood swing this morning, I cut my hair.

Well just the front, the back still comes to below my waist, but I did trim the ends thoroughly.

So I've got some posh-katy-perry-ish thing going on which I'm pulling out my headband collection for, and I went to Charming Charlie and nearly died. That place is HEAVEN! SO gorgeous and shiny! I picked up a few headbands from there.

I need to open up a little, I find myself too timid most of the time, I need to just throw myself out there.

I also probably need to see a therapist. With all the dreams and everything going on right now as far as my frustration with work I think a checkup on my mental health wouldn't hurt. ESPECIALLY with the dreams. Morpheus is not letting up.
xhesika: (cooking gaga)
I wish I knew what mixture of food and rapture bullshit incited this dream:

Morpheus is pulling me along, there's a field next to a highway and along the highway--in nothing but a leather bra and underwear is Lady GaGa, dancing and singing her heart out.

Me: "Is that--?"

Morpheus: "Hay! We're over here!"

So GaGa sees Morpheus and apparently they know eachother.

GaGa: "Take your clothes off, its liberating!"

Me: "Uhm...we're along the highway."

Morpheus takes off his shirt at this point, and smiles at me.

GaGa: "Sometimes you have to just go for it!"

Of course I did eventually take off my clothes and joined GaGa and Morpheus, and it was glorious.
xhesika: (cooking gaga)
So apparently Morpheus knows GaGa.

And it was glorious.
xhesika: (Default)
I got the call this morning that Robbie was threatened at work by a co-worker and that worker was then escorted out of the building. So I got a quick lesson of how to use the shotgun. Of course I forgot immediately, of course in a pinch I just push the buttons like crazy and pull the one thingy back then its loaded and I shoot, right?

And his confidence in me soars...

I can't remember my last dream. It was long, and Morpheus was there, but other than that I don't think I'm supposed to remember it. Like with the song he sings.

I'm struggling to get through the second to last chapter of Artemis, writer's block seems to have caught up with me, hopefully a session of writing at the hospital while getting a nice caffeine overdose...I think Samm works tonight.
xhesika: (jazz hands!)
Me: "I've learned to just smile and nod to the crazies, so if I seem to just agree simply with what you say please don't take offense."
Morpheus: "..."
Me: "Oh wait. That's backwards, isn't it?"
Morpheus: "I don't know how to take that statement."
Me: "Articulate, aren't I?"
Morpheus: " More like cryptic."
xhesika: (Default)
I wish I could write chapters and chapters of snuggly fluffy goodness between Kamen and Artemis like in the silver book, and I'm noticing it much more now that I've gotten into all the Haven scenes...well the ones where they're not running for their lives. I'm one chapter from the end of Book 1, and I just know things aren't going to be this adorable when Victor and Nancy get into the picture.

Still needs work )

PSSST. Also. Morpheus needs to understand that gifts in dreams don't cross over into the waking. Had another dream last night.
xhesika: (Default)
...I've been working my way into a depression. I can't seem to shake it no matter how many times Cee Lo Green says Fuck You.

Normally I don't pay it any attention when I get these bouts, but when I actually sit and think about it, its always there.

Samm says, "Finish Artemis." Kyle says, "Finish Artemis." Now I have Kat saying, "Finish Artemis."

It used to be that I thought Morpheus would stop the visits if I finished, but that isn't the case at all it seems.

I'm nearing the final chapter of Book 1, and I have all of Book 2 to write before the story is over for  the reader (Book 3 will never be seen by the public), and while I have a ways to go I'm feeling almost broken.

I have a problem.

I feel like if I do finish Artemis I will be useless, no other story really entrances me.

And these thoughts take me to very dark places.

I need to take a walk.

xhesika: (cereal)
The other night I came close to a sex dream. Now Morpheus is all butt-hurt over me saying no. Of course they're just dreams so I'm not all that bothered, except that I think I've come close before and stopped it.

So I'm constantly shooting down the guy in my dreams.

Then there's also the thing where I keep thinking that the relationship is strictly platonic-friend-type, but I know he's kissed me before in the dreams.

So I'm constantly shooting down the guy in my dreams.

The Batman dream still makes me giggle.
xhesika: (jazz hands!)
Its been a while since I've done an actual entry.

I've been battling with some weird sick for about 4-5 days now, first it was just fever and vomiting, now I'm pretty sure it's a fever and a cold or something. My throat hurts bad, just glad I stocked up on chloraseptic tabs.

My dreams are coming faster now and more intense, I just woke up from Morpheus and I saving Artemis. Weird as shit. He always seems to have some bullshit sarcasm that makes me laugh. One of the past entries I think I wrote down 5 of them, but the actual number of dreams that I've had in 2 weeks since the appointment is more like 8. Haha, Morpheus was dressed up as Batman in one of them and was not as amused as I was.

Eww, I'm coughing up shit.

Anyways, Samm had the idea that she wanted to do a youtube series about a superhero. So last night was pretty interesting. I already know that the first ep. is going to be bad, but hopefully we'll hear back from other people wanting in on it and we'll get a bigger cast. It's based around two sisters, one is a bitch the other is ditzy. The ditzy one has an alter-ego of "Good Guy" despite being a woman. Guess who I play? My costume is pretty fun, and I run around with a foam sword...yeah getting those shots was interesting.

Random chick in all black and heeled boots running up and down the street with a foam sword with a girl and a camera following actually attracted attention.... I guess the song for the running scenes is going to be the Gummibar do you think I'm sexy. Samm was doing the editing and voice overs last night when I crashed. I don't know how far she got.
xhesika: (She Won't Look at You)
I originally wasn't going to post any more dreams, but they seem to all have some sort of cryptic meaning, and they've been coming VERY often. The first depicted here was one that I had immediately after my appointment, and after fighting fire demons with flamethrowers with Him, I decided to open up a little more than close myself off. The result: adventures.

I've decided to call him Morpheus, for lack of a better name. The Greek god of dreams, it seems fitting enough.

Fire Demons:

I can feel the heat from the blaze on my face, the surroundings glow red with the flames. It's a cathedral, in the process of being eaten alive by the flames of creatures that split the earth and came from inside.

Morpheus is there, standing next to me, and talking as if He knows the appointment I've just come from, "You were going to bring him to intimidate me, where is he?"

He's talking about Micheal, the woman at my appointment told me to ask the archangel for protection if I felt threatened. But I don't feel threatened now, "I asked him to come if you were dangerous."

Morpheus ignores what I say, and instead passes me a rather large item, "This place is past divine intervention. The walls will collapse and the roof will cave. However, we can stop the intrusion here."

"What is this?" I ask, but I already know what it is, its a flamethrower.

"We fight fire with fire."

Christmas Nightmares:

We're watching a movie, the Nightmare Before Christmas projected onto a bed sheet in the middle of a camping trip. Faceless beings wander about in the distance, but there's another with us that is not so faceless. A small child lays curled up with her head on a folded blanket.

I'm sitting with my knees up to my chin, "I've seen this movie more times than I can count."

"Intrinsic." Morpheus is watching the sheet with a small smile, "What do you think he's looking for."

"He's missing love, isn't he? Family and friendship. The things that Christmas embodies, but Halloween can't give."

"Personification of holidays." He shakes his head, "But Halloween can give it. If you give it time."

The little girl opens her eyes and looks at us curiously before rushing over to us to snuggle up and watch the movie. "He was watching you." I tell the little girl, "He was always watching you, because he loved you and wanted you safe."

Sea Treasure:

Its a abandoned beach, the rocks are carved in the shapes of early house frames. I'm walking through one, barefoot, somewhere I've lost my shoes. Or thrown them away, I hate getting sand in my shoes, especially when the sand feels so good on my feet.

Morpheus sits atop one of the rocks, on the apex of the roof of the building I'm climbing through, he's watching the shoreline.

I look over to the shoreline, the little girl is there, her face has become scaly and she pushes an eerie tune from her mouth to the sea.

The smaller creatures are scuttling out of the water, hurrying across the sand in an attempt to escape the sea. Countless crustaceans and bugs run across my feet and I look up to Morpheus.

"That little girl, she was watching Nightmare with us." I say.

He nods, "I was bringing her home."


I look back to the girl, the sea churns violently and an army of nāga, selkies, and mermaids push themselves up out of the water.

The spectacle is nothing short of beautiful, "She's a mermaid!" I say with a large smile.

"She's their god."

Snow Angels:

I've been sick, its been hot. This was today, I was having trouble falling asleep. Between going to throw up what little I've been able to eat, and trying to take a cold shower to cool off, sleep was being a little more than elusive.

I barely remember falling asleep. I don't know how I got into bed, but I must have.

I went to the window and pushed the curtain away. There were about two feet of snow blanketing the street and Morpheus is looking up at me from below.

I rush down the stairs and pull on my boots, but I don't bother with my jacket, and its a good thing because it's not too frigidly cold despite all the snow.

Morpheus is singing. Its the same tune he beckoned me with half a year ago and instead of drawing me in he uses it to pull more snow from the sky.

I'm having fun, running through the snow and kicking it up into the air and dancing. Morpheus walks behind me, a smile on his face and hands in his pockets.

The Haven:

The most recent. Morpheus shows me a castle made of stone, and from the outside it looks abandoned, but when he shows me the way in I find that it's become delightfully overrun with streams, vegetation, fire, and ice.

"Your Haven." He tells me.

I explore, finding and delighting in the wonders of this new place. And he's correct, this is truly my Haven, before I really understand what's going on I find myself walking up the walls, looking for the best place to survey this new world.

I find it in a strange tree house, suspended in vines and stone, I look over the edge. "This is the cathedral."



xhesika: (Default)

August 2012

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