xhesika: (tealfashion)
So between now and the last time I gave an actual update:

1. My friend Kat's computer crashed, she sent it to us and we fixed it. The only thing wrong was that she had somehow gotten a virus from big fish games and it FRIED her hard drive. So we got her a new one and then I loaded up her lappy with games, Sailor Moon, Labyrinth, and many other essentials.

2. Some days I feel discouraged with Artemis, at this point I KNOW that it's going to be impossible for me to jump back into it. I'm going to have to work on short stories and read over the whole story before I make another attempt at writing the last chapter. The good news, and I don't know if I put this up here yet, but I found a binder with the original Book 2! Meaning the only thing I am missing now IS the final chapter of Book 1, then I will be back to where I was before the move.

3. Got a very promising lead on a job, but I don't want to divulge the details too soon, I don't want to jinx it and have it fall through.

4. Working on the Ritzko Project, the goal at this point is to be able to send out signed copies of the first book as Christmas presents. Meaning more it has to be done by November so that I can start NaNoWriMo.

Full plate for the time being, but at least I'm feeling more validated.
xhesika: (tealfashion)
My last day at work is this Tuesday.

The power will shut off on Thursday.

I put Artemis on hiatus. I've been unable to write on it, I keep getting caught up on the fact that I lost so much of it, and I can't seem to get back into the writing groove. So I decided to make a sequel to Ritzko...rather three sequels. I re-named the first book The Final Comission of Bastian Freeman, and the whole series will be called the Ritzko Project. Each of the books will be in the same style as the first, but from another perspective. The second from Johnson's, the third from Gale, and the fourth from Jenna.

In the first sitting I was able to push out 13 pages, and it was strange, but after writing that I felt almost like I might be able to do some work on Artemis. So I opened up the document and although I was unable to write anything, its comforting that the feeling is coming back.

With that being said, Emily is back in town this week. I admittedly am using the move as an excuse to not see her because I still do associate her with anything bad that happens to Artemis after she vandalized the very first copy beyond repair. I've gone over my history with writing with Kory on Livestream and Skype several times, and its interesting how I'm noticing how fucked up it's been after I put everything out there. How somehow I manage to continue with something I like after Emily tears it all apart, and my Mother patronizes me at the dinner table...

The trouble with this is that I won't be able to spend much time with Samm before I leave.

It was the last night with some of the girls tonight. There are certainly a few I will miss, but there are a lot of them that I won't miss at all, and I don't expect to be missed by many in return...I don't really know a nice way to say it, but I almost feel indifferent. I'll miss connecting with patients.

Plans for a movie night with Tammi and the kids tonight, I've practically been living there for the past few weeks on my day off. The Haven is no longer the Haven, Robbie and I are on the move.

Ugh, I agreed to a dinner with my family at 6 tonight, hopefully it doesn't drag on too long tonight...and hopefully I don't get too sick from seeing Emily. I know it isn't her fault. I just never forgave her for that, and now I almost blame her for everything bad that happens to my writing...
xhesika: (cereal)
...but am too nice to tell them to STFU.

While this actually includes a lot of my current co-workers--a rather large lot actually--I'm talking about the mother of one of my childhood friends. We never really hit it off and the bad foot was set in stone by a dinner discussion when I was over at the house at a much younger age than now. She basically sat at the dinner table, laughed, and called my beliefs stupid. Mind you the belief was purely based on my irrational fear of needles and I was dead set to never get my hepatitis shots. I have since then gotten them, just because of the line of work I have gotten into with the past year and a half, but the fact that she would react that way to an impressionable child...whatisthisidonteven.

Speaking of, Kyle has tried to get in touch with me on more than once occasion within the past week. I guess he's finally realizing who his friends were. Too bad he's already treated everyone like shit and now no one will give him the time of day. I wonder if he noticed me avidly deleting his comments from my page? His call was certainly one of the few I make sure to screen on my phone.

I would like to invite anyone and everyone to watch my life if I should ever have children. As my friend Kory pointed out as we were skyping while I took care of Tammi's youngest (Landyn), my parenting is going to be David Bowie and Labyrinth at 2 am; poptarts, chips, and pink lemonade at 3 am, and if you sneeze/cough shake it off, and as always, if you don't make the international sign for choking I will not save you.

Well maybe not the last part for kids under 18, but the rest of you can fuck yourselves.

...I'm doing so much better at being a bitch, right?
xhesika: (tealfashion)
I don't really know how to begin, so I'm just going to dive into it.

Everything has happened so fast, I just don't know how to react. Almost like I would rather go numb and let everything happen. everything just happens.

the funeral was lovely really. she was the first corpse I  saw that didn't look plastic. although i suppose its wrong of me to call her that. she found her blue outfit I suppose. the one i remember her looking for. with the small pink polka dots. the adema had gotten bad, she was rather puffy still.

on the way back from the funeral I agitated things, i told robbie i just couldn't move out of the city. i felt awful for saying it immediatly. with as many things that happened that day he really didn't need me to be wishy washy about the move.

i feel helpless.

we set things straight i suppose, the move is so far planned for july 27, but i have no problem in telling my job to bugger off before then if need be.

but the icing on the cake (or rather the cherry on top, as rob's grandmother's death was the icing), is that when we returned home there was no water. Not because the bill hadn't been paid, but because while we were gone someone broke into the other side of the double, turned off the water, and stole the copper piping.

my house isn't livable. and now i'm a nomad with my bag and my laptop, and a cat on a harness and leash that is living at my parent's house for the time being. that is until the dogs get to her like they tried to earlier.

and now i feel like i'm about to cry, but i just can't get to it. like too many things have happened and i really do just want to let go and curl into a ball and let robbie take care of me like he wanted to. but up north i'll be useless, with no job to help support us, and i still don't feel up to writing, what good am i?

i suppose it got around at work what happened. of course that is my fault, no one elses. I sat at the table and outright said that after the week i had, rob's grandmother's death was hopefully the end, and when they asked about the rest of the week i flat out told them. and they asked, and wondered, why hadn't i said anything before?

i saw a FB message when i logged on earlier today from someone wishing me well. that's all well and good, but i didn't tell anyone at work (save Cammy and Margo) what was going on when it was going on because I don't trust them. i spent the past year and a half putting myself out there and trying to make friends and became outright ostracized from everyone.

i tell myself constantly that i need to be more outgoing, that i need to pull myself out of my shell, but then i look back at all i've done and it frustrates me that I HAVE, I certainly have. But i just don't understand why. but i'm slightly glad all the same. i owe them nothing, no explanation, no thanks, no regrets. just pack up what little i have left and let robbie carry me away.

alright, i think i feel up to crying now.
xhesika: (tealfashion)
Was nothing short of a nightmare, and it looks like its going to bleed into this week.

My house was broken into on the 21st, my family was out of the state for that whole week. The computers were stolen and even though they decided to tear out the speakers, headphones, keyboards, and microphones, they decided that they should just take all the jump drives that had Artemis saved on them. I still have Ritzko, I suppose that's a blessing in disguise. Luckily I had emailed most of Artemis Book 1 to myself to read at work, so I will only have to rewrite the last chapter and the afterword.

I managed to get through work without breaking down in front of my coworkers, but to tell the truth I did have a patient that I found crying at 5 am and I ended up sitting with him and bawling my eyes out right next to him.

My boss has been amazing through everything, however I haven't told her yet that Robbie and I do plan on moving back to Michigan. We're waiting on his job to transfer and we've worked the budget to allow us to live on his salary alone for as long as we need to (while I'm unemployed). I have only told one of my coworkers what happened, and only because she had her house broken into last summer and I felt was the only one who really understood what I was going through. The others know nothing, and I don't plan on telling them anything until I leave, if then.

I stayed at Tammi's house one night, I'll probably do a lot of crashing there this coming week, what was a 6-day stretch of time off has become an 8-day stretch because guess what? To top off the week, Robbie's grandmother passed this morning around 4, and the worst part is that I don't have the strength to cry anymore, even when something really warrants tears. I know how close he was to her, when he said she was back in the hospital with her usual UTI CHF, I figured she would be right as rain and back home when we moved up there. So I work tonight and took vacation for the next two days. Hopefully I can pick up some time around the hospital in the stretch to save up money.

Penelope is still missing, and her sister is all out stressed and lonely now. She cries a lot, can't keep down food, I'm worried about the both of them. So we're taking Persephone up to Michigan with us for the funeral because we don't want to leave her alone for too long, she snuggled up to me for most of last night. I have faith still that we will find Penny, the biggest reason being that we have posters all over the damn place that offer a reward of $100 for her return, along with a picture of her. To be honest, she should be easy to spot, her fur is longer than any other stray, and her coloring is rather unique. It makes me feel better when I see people I've never met combing the area for her, calling out for her, $100 is a small price to pay for her if it gets her home. I know Robbie is lonely without her.

One of the only good things that happened this past week was when my sister came home from vacation and set right all of the mess between me and my parents, she then proceeded to buy me a new laptop, which I am typing this on right now. I'm in the midst of recovering my lost music, but it looks like I may have to wait a bit to get my Sailor Moon replaced, which kinda sucks because I could really use a good laugh right about now. Artemis Book 1 is in its own little folder on here, but I haven't put much work into finishing it yet. I'm still a little numb from the whole experience.

I guess I should start getting cleaned up for work? I have a few hours still, but there is packing to be done if I plan on leaving in the morning for Michigan for the funeral.
xhesika: (Default)
The house was robbed and they took my computer and flash drive.

I came home ALONE to everything gone and turned up-side-down. I have the first 50 chapters on my e-mail, but unless by some miracle we find they tossed a drive somewhere...I will either give up on Artemis or start the last 25 chapters from scratch. I don't even know right now.

To top it off one of the cats got out, she's still missing, and she's afraid of everything.

I'm at my parent's right now, they're away on a family vacation, and when I called them to ask them for help, I was met with no support at all. After talking with Robbie we decided that the best thing to do would be to save up enough to get us back to Michigan with his family. They immediately offered us a place to stay while we got back to our feet. Robbie is working on getting his job transferred, I would be starting from scratch with my school loans to pay...of course he keeps telling me that he'll support me for as long as he has to, even if I never go back to work.

All the sweet things make me cry even more.

At least I get internet on my phone, so my email is raintree.willow@gmail.com, my phone number is 614-580-4551. Text, call, email. It makes me even sadder that most of the people that I've been there for here aren't there for me. I'm lucky to have friends who live far away that I email, who listen to me, but I don't think I'll ever stop crying.

I feel like I'm living that moment of coming home over and over again.

Don't comment on here, I won't be checking my LJ for a LONG while.
xhesika: (Slam)
Yes, lets sit at the table and talk about our underwear. Sounds prime, really.

You never really see a lot of Lord Covington in the book...not until his demise anyways, his relationship with Kamen isn't the most healthy, but he at least seems to respect his father.

At least the kids know when they're being completely ridiculous.

This just looks like a self-inflicted food fight on Artemis' part.

Short Story: Of Biscuits )
xhesika: (Slam)
Posted on DA, just wanted to keep it here for references.

Suddenly "Y" strap suspenders are attractive.

One of the things I like the most about writing childhood Kamen and Artemis is that it requires me to do a lot of research. Matches, the curses Kamen uses (I teetered on him using the word "bollocks" but decided that he wouldn't use it in front of Artemis), hatpins, and suspenders (American term) vs. braces (the British term that would have been used in that period).

The game sardines, its like hide and seek but one person hides while the others seek, then as people find the hider they join them, so after a while the hiding place becomes painfully obvious. The last person to find the hider has to hide in the next round. I don't know for certain how far this game dates back to, but my research dates it back to at least 1700's, then again, it's my story and I can say what I want really.

Also, anyone remember that episode of South Park where Tom Cruise, R Kelly, and John Travolta are in the closet? Yeah I totally watched that a few times while writing this.

Something else also interesting. This was pushed out in a few short days from scratch and with a very vague idea, it's referenced only once in the trilogy by Kamen in Book 2, but it still manages to just fall short of 5,000 words. This is why NaNoWriMo was so easy for me to get through I guess.

Short Story: Of Closets )

Website!

May. 11th, 2011 09:04 am
xhesika: (Default)
Robbie's getting a static IP connection today to host an airsoft site, and posed the idea that I could pay the 6 bucks and get my own site for all of my writing and writing-related things (arts and the like).

I love this man.

But I digress.

My initial ideas are that it would include Ritzko as well as Artemis, and while neither would actually be on the site itself, I would be able to post links to buy the books (when I get that far), as well as finally find a good place for all those pesky notes and family trees for Artemis. Of course I wouldn't mind churning out a bunch of short-stories for the site.

Maybe even a wiki.

Good Dreams

Apr. 6th, 2011 06:38 am
xhesika: (changed my mind)
My meeting on Wednesday went well, of course then I got home exhausted because I hadn't slept yet, and immediately had another dream. Now they're coming faster and more often, but I'm not scared anymore. I think I just needed someone to tell me it wasn't malicious.

So there's that, and then there's the rest of it. While its nothing bad and I was told that there is apparently no evil spirit around me at all, the woman I talked to does NOT think that this is anyone who has crossed over, or even an angel. Still not afraid though, of course the three dreams that I've had since last Wednesday were the usual Sisyphean tasks, but they weren't anything that made me wake up crying. They were more the Captain Hook sort.

That being said, I don't think I'll be posting many more dreams online here, they've become a little too personal to just throw out there unless I find them either particularly amusing or revelatory. I'm quickly finding that whatever it is that is invading my dreams is quickly becoming a friend.
xhesika: (She Won't Look at You)
I have an appointment with Brenda Frazier this Wednesday, she was referred to me by someone at work, and although I know that interpreting dreams may not be her specialty, I feel like even if she can give me some sort of insight to the spirit world I'll feel a little less terrified of my dreams. Then there's also the worry that half an hour may not be enough, in which case I might actually make a second appointment if I'm satisfied with how she manages things.

Either way I know that I'm long overdue for seeing someone about these dreams, I shouldn't have waited for them to get so frequent. I'm just glad that the more creepy ones have died down, the whole ordeal with the Tiffany's and the swimming dream were a little too much for me.

I'm more worried that I'm drifting back into old habits and ways of thinking and I can't justify not. I guess some things are too private for even a journal that no one reads.

Another worrying revelation: she'll probably be able to sense my growing despondence.
xhesika: (Caspius Van Dean)
Texting dream officially makes sense to me. If I'm getting to a point in the story where one of the character's dialogue makes me want to cry and throw up at the same time it only makes sense that they apologize profusely in a dream.

None of the dialogue between Van Dean and Artemis is in the excerpt below, but it gives you a pretty good idea what bargains they're making. I'm leery of putting much of anything up on DA, or LJ at this point. The material certainly isn't as graphic as Chapter 50, but its crude and grim. Then there's the whole scene coming up where Van Dean does an excellent job of showing how serious he is over everything and I need to be careful with it or it could turn into another missing chunk of pages

Quid Pro Quo )

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August 2012

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