Mar. 18th, 2012 08:59 am
xhesika: (tealfashion)
Probably one of the most shallow things I've ever stated, but I feel less depressed feeling attractive.

So I'm at Tammi's apartment right now, she's at work and I'm working on Jenna (loving it too by the way, omg writing feels so good), I like the apartment even more now that I'm here. When I'm in Waterford I try to dress for the day despite staying in the house, but it's never anything that I would go out of the house in. Today and yesterday I was presentable, like I used to be, and I feel attractive, and it actually makes me feel a little better about myself. Not such a mess. The thing is just that I can't justify getting myself put together like this if I'm not going to see anyone I know, or going to be cooped up in the house all day, and getting posh'ed up when I am just doing that is all the more depressing.

Just need to move, that's what.

There is a hospital not far from the apartments, and I am seriously thinking of going for that. George has guarenteed me a job, but to be honest I am so tired of making so much less than I was at the hospital, I am willing to trade. Better hours, better pay, and more time to write, like last time. It would feel good to get my life back on track.

I saw Samm yesterday, and I was all sorts of proud of myself for not crying.

I called Mr. Black to talk to him yesterday when we were in the car on our way down here, I did start tearing up a bit while talking to him, I like how honest I can be with him, and I really like how he treats me like more of a daughter than my own parents do. I'd love to be a parent like him someday.


Sep. 15th, 2011 12:13 am
xhesika: (Utena)
My family came up to see us. I feel much better after talking with my Mom, I'm certain at this point that things will get 100% better when Robbie and I move away from his parents. The trouble is work, there is nothing here and I'm not getting any calls back from anyone.

Of course apparently Robbie's dad was under the impression that I never apped to the store that he thought was a sure thing. He was a bit floored when I told him that I handed my app to the owner and the one he supposedly had the "in" with.

ANY-who, it was nice to get out and do things with them while they were here. We went to lunch and then went to play puttputt.

Samm is moving into her dorm on Sunday, meaning she'll be farther away, but hopefully she'll be on skype more.

Ah, its an Utena and Artemis sort of night.
xhesika: (RedBaron)
Since the break-in, and it's kinda been in the back of my head. I try not to think about it, and I was thinking that we would never hear back about it because even though they did get a fingerprint there was no guarantee that the person who left it had a criminal record and would have a file.

But they did.

We got the call from the detective today, they had a match and a photo, and guess what? Its the people we thought did it.

So there's a warrant out for his arrest, but we don't think that we'll get anything back. I can guarantee I'll never see my flash drive again. Still it would be nice to get some closure on it.

I sent the photo to my mom and she printed out an 8x11 of it and took it to the little corner store, the owner said the name and address of the man in the photo without being told, and then proceeded to tell us that he doesn't actually live there, but does frequent the house. So my mother is going to play porch monkey for a while and keep an eye out for him, if she sees him she knows to call the police.

Of course even hearing about it again brought back all the old feelings, Robbie took me out for a walk and a smoothie, I felt like I was going to start crying all over again.

Something about the heart-wrenching ending of Artemis, I know I'll never be able to match what I had written before the drive was taken, and I think that hurts most of all.

The Move

Jul. 30th, 2011 12:03 am
xhesika: (She Won't Look at You)
They will be here tomorrow by 11a supposedly to help us get everything packed into the van.

I have this irrational fear that I will die away from my bright city life, but I think it would be worse away from Robbie. Just got to hang in there and figure something out, got to get my shit in print and open up my options.

Ready or not, here I come.
xhesika: (tealfashion)
My last day at work is this Tuesday.

The power will shut off on Thursday.

I put Artemis on hiatus. I've been unable to write on it, I keep getting caught up on the fact that I lost so much of it, and I can't seem to get back into the writing groove. So I decided to make a sequel to Ritzko...rather three sequels. I re-named the first book The Final Comission of Bastian Freeman, and the whole series will be called the Ritzko Project. Each of the books will be in the same style as the first, but from another perspective. The second from Johnson's, the third from Gale, and the fourth from Jenna.

In the first sitting I was able to push out 13 pages, and it was strange, but after writing that I felt almost like I might be able to do some work on Artemis. So I opened up the document and although I was unable to write anything, its comforting that the feeling is coming back.

With that being said, Emily is back in town this week. I admittedly am using the move as an excuse to not see her because I still do associate her with anything bad that happens to Artemis after she vandalized the very first copy beyond repair. I've gone over my history with writing with Kory on Livestream and Skype several times, and its interesting how I'm noticing how fucked up it's been after I put everything out there. How somehow I manage to continue with something I like after Emily tears it all apart, and my Mother patronizes me at the dinner table...

The trouble with this is that I won't be able to spend much time with Samm before I leave.

It was the last night with some of the girls tonight. There are certainly a few I will miss, but there are a lot of them that I won't miss at all, and I don't expect to be missed by many in return...I don't really know a nice way to say it, but I almost feel indifferent. I'll miss connecting with patients.

Plans for a movie night with Tammi and the kids tonight, I've practically been living there for the past few weeks on my day off. The Haven is no longer the Haven, Robbie and I are on the move.

Ugh, I agreed to a dinner with my family at 6 tonight, hopefully it doesn't drag on too long tonight...and hopefully I don't get too sick from seeing Emily. I know it isn't her fault. I just never forgave her for that, and now I almost blame her for everything bad that happens to my writing...
xhesika: (tealfashion)
Was nothing short of a nightmare, and it looks like its going to bleed into this week.

My house was broken into on the 21st, my family was out of the state for that whole week. The computers were stolen and even though they decided to tear out the speakers, headphones, keyboards, and microphones, they decided that they should just take all the jump drives that had Artemis saved on them. I still have Ritzko, I suppose that's a blessing in disguise. Luckily I had emailed most of Artemis Book 1 to myself to read at work, so I will only have to rewrite the last chapter and the afterword.

I managed to get through work without breaking down in front of my coworkers, but to tell the truth I did have a patient that I found crying at 5 am and I ended up sitting with him and bawling my eyes out right next to him.

My boss has been amazing through everything, however I haven't told her yet that Robbie and I do plan on moving back to Michigan. We're waiting on his job to transfer and we've worked the budget to allow us to live on his salary alone for as long as we need to (while I'm unemployed). I have only told one of my coworkers what happened, and only because she had her house broken into last summer and I felt was the only one who really understood what I was going through. The others know nothing, and I don't plan on telling them anything until I leave, if then.

I stayed at Tammi's house one night, I'll probably do a lot of crashing there this coming week, what was a 6-day stretch of time off has become an 8-day stretch because guess what? To top off the week, Robbie's grandmother passed this morning around 4, and the worst part is that I don't have the strength to cry anymore, even when something really warrants tears. I know how close he was to her, when he said she was back in the hospital with her usual UTI CHF, I figured she would be right as rain and back home when we moved up there. So I work tonight and took vacation for the next two days. Hopefully I can pick up some time around the hospital in the stretch to save up money.

Penelope is still missing, and her sister is all out stressed and lonely now. She cries a lot, can't keep down food, I'm worried about the both of them. So we're taking Persephone up to Michigan with us for the funeral because we don't want to leave her alone for too long, she snuggled up to me for most of last night. I have faith still that we will find Penny, the biggest reason being that we have posters all over the damn place that offer a reward of $100 for her return, along with a picture of her. To be honest, she should be easy to spot, her fur is longer than any other stray, and her coloring is rather unique. It makes me feel better when I see people I've never met combing the area for her, calling out for her, $100 is a small price to pay for her if it gets her home. I know Robbie is lonely without her.

One of the only good things that happened this past week was when my sister came home from vacation and set right all of the mess between me and my parents, she then proceeded to buy me a new laptop, which I am typing this on right now. I'm in the midst of recovering my lost music, but it looks like I may have to wait a bit to get my Sailor Moon replaced, which kinda sucks because I could really use a good laugh right about now. Artemis Book 1 is in its own little folder on here, but I haven't put much work into finishing it yet. I'm still a little numb from the whole experience.

I guess I should start getting cleaned up for work? I have a few hours still, but there is packing to be done if I plan on leaving in the morning for Michigan for the funeral.
xhesika: (Default)
The house was robbed and they took my computer and flash drive.

I came home ALONE to everything gone and turned up-side-down. I have the first 50 chapters on my e-mail, but unless by some miracle we find they tossed a drive somewhere...I will either give up on Artemis or start the last 25 chapters from scratch. I don't even know right now.

To top it off one of the cats got out, she's still missing, and she's afraid of everything.

I'm at my parent's right now, they're away on a family vacation, and when I called them to ask them for help, I was met with no support at all. After talking with Robbie we decided that the best thing to do would be to save up enough to get us back to Michigan with his family. They immediately offered us a place to stay while we got back to our feet. Robbie is working on getting his job transferred, I would be starting from scratch with my school loans to pay...of course he keeps telling me that he'll support me for as long as he has to, even if I never go back to work.

All the sweet things make me cry even more.

At least I get internet on my phone, so my email is raintree.willow@gmail.com, my phone number is 614-580-4551. Text, call, email. It makes me even sadder that most of the people that I've been there for here aren't there for me. I'm lucky to have friends who live far away that I email, who listen to me, but I don't think I'll ever stop crying.

I feel like I'm living that moment of coming home over and over again.

Don't comment on here, I won't be checking my LJ for a LONG while.
xhesika: (changed my mind)
I've been a little down lately. A lot of memories have made their way back to me; some bad, some bittersweet. To make things worse, I can't really work on Artemis like this, my nightmares would get worse. I'm officially to parts that are gruesome enough to be against LiveStream Policy. The events seem only slightly bitter at first, but then I get to thinking about what is going on in the story right now and I feel sick.

I remember the melody of the song from my dream a few months back now. The words are still a blur. And if I've had another dream since the last, I honestly couldn't say, but Robbie tells me I've woken up screaming and crying in the middle of the night a lot lately. I still can't really decipher the last one, but I'm still firm in my resolution to seek help if I get another one that wakes me up like that. I've still got the name of the woman in Pickerington that someone at work recommended. I can't even look at the Tiffany's at Easton without feeling sick. And Swavaroski is another story entirely.

Other than the nightmares, things are okay. I'm going over Ritzko a few times, mostly because when I changed it to first person certain places before my decision don't sound like Bastian. Its just not gritty enough, just needs more ebonics and rough language. Once that is done its going to a few other people for final proofing, then off to be published. It makes me proud, just looking at the giant stack of papers and thinking "I wrote that in less than 10 days and it kicks ass".

There's a large snowpocalypse hitting the midwest right now, and the water dmg is at an all-time high. Of course the landlord wouldn't listen last spring when I told them about it, I expect to get an earful once I tell them "well, it got worse", of course in all the time that my parents have had their house, I don't recall my landlords ever doing any work on this house. So I'm fairly certain the roof is much overdue.

But I'm sleepy now and since its five in the morning I suppose I could check the school closings to see if Samm is free today...closed, yup. Time for me to crash and rest up for later.


Oct. 25th, 2010 11:59 am
xhesika: (jazz hands!)
A small view of what I've been playing around with on Sketchup. I had to erase all of my measurement lines to get a picture that didn't look like spaghetti. I'm amazed at how precise you can get the measurements. All of this is to scale.

I may come back to it more when I get a little more advanced, but its a great model in general! Its the apartment in book two! The door to the right has a bathroom, next to is is a closet, and across from that is the bedroom (completely cut off in this picture). The whole place is tiny but somehow ended up being a little bigger than I would have liked.
xhesika: (Mr. Flake)
Because I apparently have found favor with the upper circle.

We got the kitties fixed, they have their little cones on now because they got the dissolving stitches, the incisions are looking pretty clean though, we just got them done on Friday; they went in at 7 and came home all sorts of drugged up at 3. I have no idea what kinds of drugs they were on but it was hilarious.

While they were gone I was doing some hardcore cleaning, in the process the shower curtain fell down. I had originally thought that it was a tension rod, however with the amount of drywall that came down with it made me a little leery. The curtain was held in place by a small plastic peg that was on only one side of the curtain and pushed straight into the drywall. The hole isn't too big, but its big enough for me to not want to mess too much with.

But the thing is that there is no 2x4 behind the peg, and whoever put the rod up had to know this because of the type of peg that was used. So there's a hole in my bathroom wall. I called the landlord and let him know, however he and his wife keep insisting that there was a 2x4 behind it, I am just waiting for them to come over and look in that hole, look at the peg and then see who lied to who about it. Whoever even chose that plastic peg for the job knew there was no 2x4.

As if that wasn't enough, the night after I reported the hole the water heater died. All my gas bills are paid up through the next month, and the flame in the furnace is on, so I know it isn't me. We believe the igniter on the furnace has gone bad, however the landlord was unable to get out here and probably won't make it out here until tomorrow.

Other than that things are peachy, my friend Alice called me earlier, we kissed paintings when we were in high school together, she was at the party the other weekend and we exchanged numbers to hang out sometime. The party was pretty fun, it was for my friend Drake who has now left the country to go to Germany for the Air Force I believe. Nice vodka, delicious cookies, and a bunch of really cool friends I hadn't seen in a while.

I did get a small laugh out of the fact that my ex was there, and an even bigger laugh that he must have recognized my Robbie because he got up the instant Robbie sat a few chairs away. Of course he never had the balls to say anything, then again I have way too much fuel if he did.

I am tickled pink at Robbie, I noticed the other day (as he was carrying the couch over his head) that he's gotten in very nice shape. He has a really sexy athletic build to begin with, but apparently in the hour that he waits from when he gets home to when he has to pick me up, he does nothing but lift weights, sit ups, crunches, and push ups. I had to have him show me his bicep before he did anything else, I can't believe how fast he was able to get back into shape. He said something before about being able to carry an absurd amount of boxes at work, but I didn't really think about it, he was really always stronger than average.

Anywho, we are going to grab some nummies. I should update this more often, hopefully my internets do not die so soon again.


xhesika: (Default)

August 2012

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