Jul. 28th, 2012

xhesika: (Utena)
And failing to care? I'm not sure if there's an easy way to describe it, but I don't hurt as much anymore when I'm pushed aside.

The last few weeks have been emotional and rough for me. I got incredibly attached to my boss, I never intended too, I don't find people I like that much around here often. I went to work on her last day and found that her last day had been the night before. it hurt a little, but I guess she didn't even know about it. I had a slight breakdown then, I think I realized then how attached I get. I never used to do that, I used to distance myself and live in the moment. I need to start doing that again.

Robbie saved the day the next night? I was feeling down and he got her number from one of the guys and gave it to me. We've been texting at work since. The constant texting at work has helped keep me out of so many break downs. I can't even begin to say how thankful I am.

I miss Tammi. How is it I always become friends with my bosses?

Tuesday I think it was, Robbie and I gave our bosses our notices. We will be moving in October. We will be transferring to the city. We will start living again.

And I am going to write Artemis again. I'll muster all my courage to write that last chapter, and then I'm moving onto Book 2. I can do it.

Rob's parents are gone for the next two-three weeks. This means that I can eat. This means that I can play music loud and scream and sing. I forgot how happy cooking makes me.

Ryan tried to commit suicide the other night. Rob's nephew, the one we usually have come over, took a handful of vicodin and a few others and was rushed to the hospital. Of course because there is no such thing as privacy in this family everyone knew about it instantly. I'm not even going to get into how angry Robbie and I are over the way Ryan's parents reacted. I certainly don't think saying that Ryan should have more of the charcoal to teach him a lesson in front of a SOCIAL WORKER is a good thing.

We have before extended the invitation to C-bus to Ryan, and we did it again, even as just an escape, some way out of this desolate town. I can't stand seeing people trapped living situations that make them miserable.

Myself, I'm teetering in-between everything. I re-visited the ultimatum I gave myself at the beginning of the year. i have until the end of the year to decide if its what I want, but if my writing keeps going like it has been for the first half of the year I don't see much of a choice. I guess that whole bit is the reason why I take so much concerning my writing personal.

I've slowly been learning to shut down my emotions when I see something upsetting or offensive. It's helping me move away from those things. I don't know if I'll blow up after a while or fall apart again, but at this point there isn't much else I can do.

C'est la vie.
xhesika: (Default)
I looked at the schedule for next week. I had been wanting to see if my transfer notice had effected how many days I have off or not. I saw that I only worked 4 days next week rather than 5. I was going to take the 3 days off and do some relaxing, but I noticed no one was on the schedule for one day next week and so I called up the boss and asked to pick it up.

I know Penny had done every single schedule in one night and probably didn't realize what she had done, and it appears that it was the case.

Also I think by calling her and asking to pick up was something she wanted me to do? I think she cut everyone down to 4 days because one of the girls who always calls off had called off this week and I think Penny wanted to see who would go out of their way to work.

Any way it goes, Robbie and I had talked about living with nothing while his parents are gone and throwing everything into savings. We've done it before, and threw 800 into the bank in a matter of weeks. With the move coming up I'm so worried about not having everything together that I can do without my ensure. My sanity is much more important right now. I'll just eat an extra meal and keep eating all day until I feel sick to make up for it.

My weight is stable, slightly, at least staying at 115 rather than dropping anymore, so I'm on the right track. I feel good about that.

Been doing a few writing excercises. I have a lovely anon on tumblr that asks for a story once a day with no topic in particular. Most of the time I've been rehashing dreams, but every so often I'll pump out something completely random. I love it. I can't begin to express my gratitude towards this person, they're lovely, and they're helping to keep me sharp and work me out of this writers block.

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xhesika

August 2012

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