Jul. 8th, 2012

xhesika: (Default)
Good news, I may have a steady job waiting for me in C-bus. Bad news? The apprehension of telling my bosses. Lea is leaving, her last day is at the end of this month, she knew for a while that I wanted to get back to the city so she would understand. The rest of them? I trust no one in waterford.

On the more personal front: I keep reading too deeply into things. And I keep fighting with myself to not push people away, but I seem to be fighting by myself, I don't feel like I'm being met halfway and its disheartening.

My sister left a message on my FB about how I should come to texas, I'm really surprised I'm not taking a vacation actually. I feel like I need one to clear my head, but there's no time for that, not with the bar set so high and money needing to be put into savings. I think of texas and I think of a friend down there, one who always knows what to say to make me happy and teary and loved. She deserves the world. I just don't understand how some people can be so good about lifting people's spirits.

I want honesty even at the expense of my own feelings. And I want to work through things piece by piece. Is that unnatural?

I won't go to texas, no, I hold grudges better than I should and my sister has destroyed any hope of trust between us. With the events of the past year I can't even look at her without feeling slightly nauseated. The loss of my book brings back so many awful memories of her destroying the drafts page by page.

Oh well, a few days off and I have a couple of people I need to catch up with.

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xhesika

August 2012

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