Feb. 10th, 2012

xhesika: (She Won't Look at You)
I was diagnosed with PTSD and severe depression. Currently my therapist is convinced there's no need for medication, however, she's also worried that I may be repressing a lot of older memories on top of everything else.

Its weird, because I used to see therapists for depression when I was younger, and they would schedule me for visits once a month, she's pretty adamant about me getting in once a week at the least. Her name is Kerry, and she's very nice.

I think the worst part is when she tells me I'm justified, that I have every right to cry, I'd really rather her tell me I'm crazy and its all in my head. At least then I could push it away and move on.

In the meantime I have a doctor telling me I shouldn't see my parents if I don't feel up to it. Its really weird to be reinforced on that front.

I talked with Robbie briefly about the diagnosis, our relationship seems to have been on edge up until now, its relaxed more since I talked with him, getting back to our comfy zone.

I feel a lot better since seeing her this week, I'll be going again next week too. For the first time in months I feel like I'm going to make it to my birthday.

Now to try to regain that 18 pounds...

Psychotic dreams need to quit it too, suddenly I'm dreaming again and I just wake up in cold sweats, thoroughly disturbed. Won't be posting the dreams up here any time soon, although will be talking to Kerry about them.

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xhesika

August 2012

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