xhesika: (Utena)
[personal profile] xhesika
And failing to care? I'm not sure if there's an easy way to describe it, but I don't hurt as much anymore when I'm pushed aside.

The last few weeks have been emotional and rough for me. I got incredibly attached to my boss, I never intended too, I don't find people I like that much around here often. I went to work on her last day and found that her last day had been the night before. it hurt a little, but I guess she didn't even know about it. I had a slight breakdown then, I think I realized then how attached I get. I never used to do that, I used to distance myself and live in the moment. I need to start doing that again.

Robbie saved the day the next night? I was feeling down and he got her number from one of the guys and gave it to me. We've been texting at work since. The constant texting at work has helped keep me out of so many break downs. I can't even begin to say how thankful I am.

I miss Tammi. How is it I always become friends with my bosses?

Tuesday I think it was, Robbie and I gave our bosses our notices. We will be moving in October. We will be transferring to the city. We will start living again.

And I am going to write Artemis again. I'll muster all my courage to write that last chapter, and then I'm moving onto Book 2. I can do it.

Rob's parents are gone for the next two-three weeks. This means that I can eat. This means that I can play music loud and scream and sing. I forgot how happy cooking makes me.

Ryan tried to commit suicide the other night. Rob's nephew, the one we usually have come over, took a handful of vicodin and a few others and was rushed to the hospital. Of course because there is no such thing as privacy in this family everyone knew about it instantly. I'm not even going to get into how angry Robbie and I are over the way Ryan's parents reacted. I certainly don't think saying that Ryan should have more of the charcoal to teach him a lesson in front of a SOCIAL WORKER is a good thing.

We have before extended the invitation to C-bus to Ryan, and we did it again, even as just an escape, some way out of this desolate town. I can't stand seeing people trapped living situations that make them miserable.

Myself, I'm teetering in-between everything. I re-visited the ultimatum I gave myself at the beginning of the year. i have until the end of the year to decide if its what I want, but if my writing keeps going like it has been for the first half of the year I don't see much of a choice. I guess that whole bit is the reason why I take so much concerning my writing personal.

I've slowly been learning to shut down my emotions when I see something upsetting or offensive. It's helping me move away from those things. I don't know if I'll blow up after a while or fall apart again, but at this point there isn't much else I can do.

C'est la vie.

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xhesika

August 2012

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